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    Adam Sandler, Alive, and Animals: Johnny Boy 'limbo', Marston
 Arthur More Organ
 Holland
 Hoseas Before Broseas
 swagalicious crunchy outside,
 self-deprecating chewy center
 - "how many licks does it take
 the squad's favorite disaster
 scrappy damsel
 squares up at a moment's notice
 can never seem to get their shit together to get to the center of my depression"
 goth jock dropout just wants to settle down -
 - dumbest smart person alive
 - denies being moe
 - "wanna know how I got these scars-
 wait where are you going"
 - makes 50+ post twitter threads nobody reads just needs a break
 - "Actually, correlation is not causation"
 - thinks they're charming, is actually charming
 - constantly forgets their age
 - "back in my day
 - only one who knows what
 the fuck they're talking about
 incredible artist, thinks their stuff is 'okay' still needs to shut the fuck up
 - one shot, one kill
 - "once I go viral it's over for you hoes"
 - has a 'Home Is Where The Heart Is' welcome mat-liked by practically everybody
 - productive procrastinator
 can never hold down a relationship
 - Instant Uncle, Just Add Baby
 suffers from chronic pushover syndrome "no questions, dammit, no questions"
 - jokes hit too close to home
 - Good bad influence
 - weed friend
 Make It Work
 Guy Fieri
 Will Billiamson
 Bad Santa
 -always knows what to play at a party
 - adopts everyone on sight
 - great with kids, great with animals,
 wants to hold your baby
 - scientific evidence good girls
 want bad boys
 - tsundere
 - burns salads
 - "have you eaten today"
 - owns etsy account, too busy to make anything - punches self for fun
 - professional alcoholic
 - always needs to borrow money
 - terrible drunk, never remembers
 what happened that night
 walks around the house in their underwear
 gives great hugs
 needs seven showers
 group's unexpected therapist
 patronus is secondhand embarrassment
 just wants to be part of the family
 "MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!"*
 is the party
 cultured, well-traveled and stylish;
 made for Instagram
 - *gestures to all of you* "we need
 to do something about this"
 - always starts drama, yet always
 seems to avoid it
 bad taste in literally everything,
 banned from recommending outings
 - will always have squad's back
 iron constitution, never gets sick
 - "say that to my fucking face"
 - may seem Mad, is actually Sad
 petty
 *pulls up in drive-thru, orders single
 starts the day with horoscope readings
 - Chaotic Loyal
 black coffee, leaves

 t"
 FUCKS.EXE STOPPED WORKING 'mSorry Ms. Jackson tOh)
 Bastard Millennial
 Green Hat McGuy
 "join team chat"
 - fashionable at all times, even when
 going to the grocery store
 can't do crime if you ain't cute
 -only dates fictional men
 won't leave the house for days need
 lives on cow tales and TVTropes says they can hold their liquor
 regularly tells squad to hydrate can't actually hold their liquor
 too nice for own good
 living boke and tsukkomi routine
 to shut up yesterday
 social interaction, naps for ten years
 it's basic hygiene
 and laying beneath the stars
 -"please stop talking"
 exhausted after two minutes of
 maybe they're born with it, maybe
 soft spot for animals, slow dancing
 cooler than you
 . living proof the scariest people
 frat brotryhard nerd gem fusion
 come in the nicest packages
 graceful loser, even more graceful winner - "what day is it again"
 nobody sees clapbacks coming until it's never learned how to drive
 every day is roast session day
 - "I'll roast you, I'll roast them,
 I'll roast me fuckin' self"
 - Has never completed No Nut November
 sings in the shower
 - adores Linkin Park
 late
 - "are you ready yet" "almost"
 - allergic to idiots
 Adam Sandler
 Regina O'George
 Let Me Speak To Your Manager
 - retired mom friend, back from retirement
 ages every time someone references
 a vine instead of responding normally
 - smokes sixty packs a day
 Goof Troop
 social norms are for dweebs
 just wants to play videogames
 - No Drama? No ProblemTM
 -"Local Mean Girl Refuses To
 Be Toppled From Throne"
 - loses shit over small things
 -THIS close to cutting someone
 and snack in peace
 shoves people in lockers to show affection
 forgets not to swear in front of other
 never forgets a birthday
 shaped like a friend
 only one in squad who can cook
 only one in squad who can drive
 people's children
 the queen of throwing down
 "fuck, sorry about that"
 given up on romance
 savwy businessowner
 resident gossip
 big problems are Whatever
 - needs therapy
 - Favorite Songs Are 'Find Me Somebody- smells amazing
 To Love' And 'Before He Cheats'
 common sense frequently left on read - hasn't seen most popular movies
 - a matryoshka of pain
 - wishes you didn't look like a dump truck
 knows Wicked by heart
 - only one in squad who does taxes
 Songs Are
 unforgiveable weeb
 - villain origin story is that stubborn
 chin hair that keeps growing back
 - always says 'gg' after every game
 incredible skin care regimen
 - "just drink more water"
 award winning sailor mouth
 - Big Hair, Don't Care

 "What's My Age Again" by Blink 182
 World's Saddest Violin
 Bullshit Magician
 Expletive Noises
 Looks like a million dollars, is probably
 worth a million dollars
 - family person, loves everybody
 keeps Twitter on private
 - meows back at their cat
 - extroverted introvert
 -feels guilty for not logging into
 Animal Crossing for nine months
 thinks existence is kind of funny
 invented the word 'dapper
 - the living embodiment of when
 you try your best but you don't succeed'
 - just wants to be loved and cherished
 -great with animals, never scratched
 the life of the party, when they're
 not launching into drunken diatribes
 -smartest smart person alive
 -stays up until three in the morning
 thinking about the meaning of life
 - an essential addition to any squad
 - reads at 10,000 miles per hour
 wants to stab Banksy
 hates stan culture
 hoards comfort food beneath their desk
 gets sentimental over their Neopets
 used to hoard Beanie Babies
 - hates answering the phone
 - silently lurks in Twitch chatrooms
 - needs more friends
 - stylish drunk with two hollow legs
 - never fails to speak their mind
 great at impressions
 -not-so-secretly depressed
 - regularly confuses main for private
 "just forget I said that haha"
 preserves their right hook for justice
 - stared into the void, got bored
 quotes movies when provoked
 - "That's just, like, your opinion, man."
 the most perfect teeth
 Baby Boy...Baby
 Talk Shit, Get Hit
 Mr. Krabs
 A Dog
 - soft outside, softer inside
 - never ashamed to cry
 - weak spot for pups, needs
 to pet every dog they see
 -only one of the squad that's been punched squad's resident cheapskate
 needs to seriously reconsider things
 trolling game out of control
 A dog
 - never seems to accumulate debt,
 also never tips the waiter
 took college prep in high school
 - can't fight to save their life
 - surprisingly terrifying comebacks
 - multilingual
 gg ez clap"
 oves Bon Iver, Death Grips
 and Beyonce equally
 - Kappa Kappa KappaRoss CoolStoryBob
 workplace's local kissass
 likes to give gifts to sad friends
 living embodiment of a flower crown talks during movies
 home life is a mess
 - needs a vacation, too self-conscious - doesn't flush toilets in public bathrooms
 to take one
 - adopted by everybody
 - "Oh, I won't report you...yet"
 believes they were born in the wrong era
 - has never yelled once
 - in love with the smell of old books
 - wishes on stars when no one's looking
 leaves breadcrumbs in butter
 a well-rounded tool
 - nobody knows why they keep getting invited"Poverty is a state of mind."
champagnesuperhoeva:
red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs
tag your chronic pain, tag your panic attacks, tag your existential crisis 


I am all of these yet none of them at the same time
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Adam Sandler, Alive, and Animals: Johnny Boy 'limbo', Marston
 Arthur More Organ
 Holland
 Hoseas Before Broseas
 swagalicious crunchy outside,
 self-deprecating chewy center
 - "how many licks does it take
 the squad's favorite disaster
 scrappy damsel
 squares up at a moment's notice
 can never seem to get their shit together to get to the center of my depression"
 goth jock dropout just wants to settle down -
 - dumbest smart person alive
 - denies being moe
 - "wanna know how I got these scars-
 wait where are you going"
 - makes 50+ post twitter threads nobody reads just needs a break
 - "Actually, correlation is not causation"
 - thinks they're charming, is actually charming
 - constantly forgets their age
 - "back in my day
 - only one who knows what
 the fuck they're talking about
 incredible artist, thinks their stuff is 'okay' still needs to shut the fuck up
 - one shot, one kill
 - "once I go viral it's over for you hoes"
 - has a 'Home Is Where The Heart Is' welcome mat-liked by practically everybody
 - productive procrastinator
 can never hold down a relationship
 - Instant Uncle, Just Add Baby
 suffers from chronic pushover syndrome "no questions, dammit, no questions"
 - jokes hit too close to home
 - Good bad influence
 - weed friend
 Make It Work
 Guy Fieri
 Will Billiamson
 Bad Santa
 -always knows what to play at a party
 - adopts everyone on sight
 - great with kids, great with animals,
 wants to hold your baby
 - scientific evidence good girls
 want bad boys
 - tsundere
 - burns salads
 - "have you eaten today"
 - owns etsy account, too busy to make anything - punches self for fun
 - professional alcoholic
 - always needs to borrow money
 - terrible drunk, never remembers
 what happened that night
 walks around the house in their underwear
 gives great hugs
 needs seven showers
 group's unexpected therapist
 patronus is secondhand embarrassment
 just wants to be part of the family
 "MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!"*
 is the party
 cultured, well-traveled and stylish;
 made for Instagram
 - *gestures to all of you* "we need
 to do something about this"
 - always starts drama, yet always
 seems to avoid it
 bad taste in literally everything,
 banned from recommending outings
 - will always have squad's back
 iron constitution, never gets sick
 - "say that to my fucking face"
 - may seem Mad, is actually Sad
 petty
 *pulls up in drive-thru, orders single
 starts the day with horoscope readings
 - Chaotic Loyal
 black coffee, leaves

 t"
 FUCKS.EXE STOPPED WORKING 'mSorry Ms. Jackson tOh)
 Bastard Millennial
 Green Hat McGuy
 "join team chat"
 - fashionable at all times, even when
 going to the grocery store
 can't do crime if you ain't cute
 -only dates fictional men
 won't leave the house for days need
 lives on cow tales and TVTropes says they can hold their liquor
 regularly tells squad to hydrate can't actually hold their liquor
 too nice for own good
 living boke and tsukkomi routine
 to shut up yesterday
 social interaction, naps for ten years
 it's basic hygiene
 and laying beneath the stars
 -"please stop talking"
 exhausted after two minutes of
 maybe they're born with it, maybe
 soft spot for animals, slow dancing
 cooler than you
 . living proof the scariest people
 frat brotryhard nerd gem fusion
 come in the nicest packages
 graceful loser, even more graceful winner - "what day is it again"
 nobody sees clapbacks coming until it's never learned how to drive
 every day is roast session day
 - "I'll roast you, I'll roast them,
 I'll roast me fuckin' self"
 - Has never completed No Nut November
 sings in the shower
 - adores Linkin Park
 late
 - "are you ready yet" "almost"
 - allergic to idiots
 Adam Sandler
 Regina O'George
 Let Me Speak To Your Manager
 - retired mom friend, back from retirement
 ages every time someone references
 a vine instead of responding normally
 - smokes sixty packs a day
 Goof Troop
 social norms are for dweebs
 just wants to play videogames
 - No Drama? No ProblemTM
 -"Local Mean Girl Refuses To
 Be Toppled From Throne"
 - loses shit over small things
 -THIS close to cutting someone
 and snack in peace
 shoves people in lockers to show affection
 forgets not to swear in front of other
 never forgets a birthday
 shaped like a friend
 only one in squad who can cook
 only one in squad who can drive
 people's children
 the queen of throwing down
 "fuck, sorry about that"
 given up on romance
 savwy businessowner
 resident gossip
 big problems are Whatever
 - needs therapy
 - Favorite Songs Are 'Find Me Somebody- smells amazing
 To Love' And 'Before He Cheats'
 common sense frequently left on read - hasn't seen most popular movies
 - a matryoshka of pain
 - wishes you didn't look like a dump truck
 knows Wicked by heart
 - only one in squad who does taxes
 Songs Are
 unforgiveable weeb
 - villain origin story is that stubborn
 chin hair that keeps growing back
 - always says 'gg' after every game
 incredible skin care regimen
 - "just drink more water"
 award winning sailor mouth
 - Big Hair, Don't Care

 "What's My Age Again" by Blink 182
 World's Saddest Violin
 Bullshit Magician
 Expletive Noises
 Looks like a million dollars, is probably
 worth a million dollars
 - family person, loves everybody
 keeps Twitter on private
 - meows back at their cat
 - extroverted introvert
 -feels guilty for not logging into
 Animal Crossing for nine months
 thinks existence is kind of funny
 invented the word 'dapper
 - the living embodiment of when
 you try your best but you don't succeed'
 - just wants to be loved and cherished
 -great with animals, never scratched
 the life of the party, when they're
 not launching into drunken diatribes
 -smartest smart person alive
 -stays up until three in the morning
 thinking about the meaning of life
 - an essential addition to any squad
 - reads at 10,000 miles per hour
 wants to stab Banksy
 hates stan culture
 hoards comfort food beneath their desk
 gets sentimental over their Neopets
 used to hoard Beanie Babies
 - hates answering the phone
 - silently lurks in Twitch chatrooms
 - needs more friends
 - stylish drunk with two hollow legs
 - never fails to speak their mind
 great at impressions
 -not-so-secretly depressed
 - regularly confuses main for private
 "just forget I said that haha"
 preserves their right hook for justice
 - stared into the void, got bored
 quotes movies when provoked
 - "That's just, like, your opinion, man."
 the most perfect teeth
 Baby Boy...Baby
 Talk Shit, Get Hit
 Mr. Krabs
 A Dog
 - soft outside, softer inside
 - never ashamed to cry
 - weak spot for pups, needs
 to pet every dog they see
 -only one of the squad that's been punched squad's resident cheapskate
 needs to seriously reconsider things
 trolling game out of control
 A dog
 - never seems to accumulate debt,
 also never tips the waiter
 took college prep in high school
 - can't fight to save their life
 - surprisingly terrifying comebacks
 - multilingual
 gg ez clap"
 oves Bon Iver, Death Grips
 and Beyonce equally
 - Kappa Kappa KappaRoss CoolStoryBob
 workplace's local kissass
 likes to give gifts to sad friends
 living embodiment of a flower crown talks during movies
 home life is a mess
 - needs a vacation, too self-conscious - doesn't flush toilets in public bathrooms
 to take one
 - adopted by everybody
 - "Oh, I won't report you...yet"
 believes they were born in the wrong era
 - has never yelled once
 - in love with the smell of old books
 - wishes on stars when no one's looking
 leaves breadcrumbs in butter
 a well-rounded tool
 - nobody knows why they keep getting invited"Poverty is a state of mind."
champagnesuperhoeva:
red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs
tag your chronic pain, tag your panic attacks, tag your existential crisis 


I am all of these yet none of them at the same time
                
            

            
            
champagnesuperhoeva:
red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs
tag your chronic p...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Fire, Girls, and Tumblr: steeph
ink-and-teeth:
hearts-of-fire:

The sight that greeted me when I went to go check on the girls the other day

@qjusttheletter 

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Fire, Girls, and Tumblr: steeph
ink-and-teeth:
hearts-of-fire:

The sight that greeted me when I went to go check on the girls the other day

@qjusttheletter 

                
            

            
            
ink-and-teeth:
hearts-of-fire:

The sight that greeted me when I went to go check on the girls the other day

@qjusttheletter 


            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Target, Tumblr, and Blog: dark balls of sight
pancakeke:
birdantlers:
Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than ‘orbs’
can’t believe I had to read this with my own balls

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Target, Tumblr, and Blog: dark balls of sight
pancakeke:
birdantlers:
Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than ‘orbs’
can’t believe I had to read this with my own balls

                
            

            
            
pancakeke:
birdantlers:
Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than ‘orbs’
can’t believe I had to read this with...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly
 Disagree Disagree between Agree
 Agree
 1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going.
goodluckdetective:
theseriouscynic:

vanillayote:

clinicallydepressedpug:

jinxasaurus:

draggle:

slashmarks:

rosalinarosee:

angst420:

tantefledermaus:

fromonesurvivortoanother:

telegantmess:

angryflyingstar:

angst420:

job applications just keep getting weirder…..

pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly

also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.

this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals 

 When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.  
“Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes. 
     The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”
     The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?” 
“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.  
     The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”
      The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”
Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.  

^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(

And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied

Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.

Oh!  That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work.  They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical.  We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!

Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.

My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think. 

Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz. 
So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”

Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks

It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.
For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”
It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly
 Disagree Disagree between Agree
 Agree
 1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going.
goodluckdetective:
theseriouscynic:

vanillayote:

clinicallydepressedpug:

jinxasaurus:

draggle:

slashmarks:

rosalinarosee:

angst420:

tantefledermaus:

fromonesurvivortoanother:

telegantmess:

angryflyingstar:

angst420:

job applications just keep getting weirder…..

pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly

also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.

this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals 

 When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.  
“Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes. 
     The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”
     The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?” 
“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.  
     The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”
      The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”
Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.  

^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(

And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied

Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.

Oh!  That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work.  They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical.  We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!

Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.

My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think. 

Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz. 
So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”

Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks

It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.
For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”
It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.

                
            

            
            
goodluckdetective:
theseriouscynic:

vanillayote:

clinicallydepressedpug:

jinxasaurus:

draggle:

slashmarks:

rosalinarosee:

angst420:

...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly
 Disagree Disagree between Agree
 Agree
 1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going.
goodluckdetective:
theseriouscynic:

vanillayote:

clinicallydepressedpug:

jinxasaurus:

draggle:

slashmarks:

rosalinarosee:

angst420:

tantefledermaus:

fromonesurvivortoanother:

telegantmess:

angryflyingstar:

angst420:

job applications just keep getting weirder…..

pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly

also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.

this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals 

 When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.  
“Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes. 
     The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”
     The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?” 
“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.  
     The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”
      The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”
Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.  

^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(

And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied

Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.

Oh!  That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work.  They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical.  We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!

Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.

My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think. 

Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz. 
So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”

Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks

It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.
For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”
It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly
 Disagree Disagree between Agree
 Agree
 1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going.
goodluckdetective:
theseriouscynic:

vanillayote:

clinicallydepressedpug:

jinxasaurus:

draggle:

slashmarks:

rosalinarosee:

angst420:

tantefledermaus:

fromonesurvivortoanother:

telegantmess:

angryflyingstar:

angst420:

job applications just keep getting weirder…..

pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly

also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.

this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals 

 When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.  
“Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes. 
     The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”
     The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?” 
“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.  
     The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”
      The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”
Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.  

^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(

And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied

Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.

Oh!  That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work.  They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical.  We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!

Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.

My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think. 

Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz. 
So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”

Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks

It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.
For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”
It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.

                
            

            
            
goodluckdetective:
theseriouscynic:

vanillayote:

clinicallydepressedpug:

jinxasaurus:

draggle:

slashmarks:

rosalinarosee:

angst420:

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    Target, Tumblr, and Blog: dark balls of sight
pancakeke:

birdantlers:
Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than ‘orbs’
can’t believe I had to read this with my own balls

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Target, Tumblr, and Blog: dark balls of sight
pancakeke:

birdantlers:
Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than ‘orbs’
can’t believe I had to read this with my own balls

                
            

            
            
pancakeke:

birdantlers:
Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than ‘orbs’
can’t believe I had to read this wit...