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Anaconda, Animals, and Be Like: if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild pumpkinvictor brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it'll jiggle. me: no??? that's mean??? brain: polar bear, then pumpkinvictor brain: the lons just got fed raw meat brain: steal it and eat it in front of them me:.. pumpkinvictor ttle-king-smashmouth AS A ZOOKEEPERI CAN CONFIRM THIS IS 100% A REAL STRUGGLE rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering harinezumiko This 100% was me at the zoo. Don't touch Melon, he's mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won't get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don't have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we're putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical homs, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don't give him fruit loops. He is a jerk) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she's on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac's enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she's a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don't know you and they รคre very distressed that you're tรคking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not leam. Do not pet the guinea pig. this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you as biologist, can confirm brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no! brain: that lynx.. .Jooks so fluffy me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it's awake and angry so no. brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn't. Ah-I read the one about the sea star crunch and I immediately thought of if I ate one, what goo would come out. Would it be like a mozzarella stick? The texture seems to fit right. What if someone served someone a sea star instead of a mozzarella stick in the shape of a sea star? Would they eat t? Would IilI eat it? What if I knew it was a sea star? Would I STILL eat i? I kinda just want mozzarella sticks but now they could all be sea star limbs so I have to be careful... Source: snowquee.. Wanimal Bintrusive thoughts 8200 98,700 notes Intrusive Thoughts
Anaconda, Animals, and Be Like: if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild
 pumpkinvictor
 brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery
 tummy. it'll jiggle.
 me: no??? that's mean???
 brain: polar bear, then
 pumpkinvictor
 brain: the lons just got fed raw meat
 brain: steal it and eat it in front of them
 me:..
 pumpkinvictor
 ttle-king-smashmouth
 AS A ZOOKEEPERI CAN
 CONFIRM THIS IS 100% A REAL
 STRUGGLE
 rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i
 could have received
 I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat
 sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think
 the cronch will be, brain.
 sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of
 the first human to eat something really weird and then you
 see this post and stop wondering
 harinezumiko
 This 100% was me at the zoo. Don't touch Melon, he's mean.
 Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu
 head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he
 likes it?
 Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes
 attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won't get off
 the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the
 good side will be fine.
 Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the
 pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM
 The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for
 feeding them. This is fine, because they don't have antlers.
 The male deer is locked up while we're putting out food
 because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby
 asymmetrical homs, because he thinks the females are doing
 it.
 The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single
 fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach
 through holes they ve made in the tarp on the gate to their
 enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old
 man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don't give him
 fruit loops. He is a jerk)
 The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she's on a couch
 because she did that when she was living in a crack house?
 Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not
 pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor
 and try to offer treats for pets.
 Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know
 he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac's enclosure no
 matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on
 the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes,
 Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a
 sign of dominance even though she's a housecat and he
 could eat her in approximately one bite.
 The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not
 like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does
 not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his
 enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him
 preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not
 help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you
 forever because he is a
 grumpy old man.
 All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don't
 know you and they รคre very distressed that you're tรคking their
 poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is
 insane and will not leam. Do not pet the guinea pig.
 this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it!
 thank you
 as biologist, can confirm
 brain: that frog is very small
 me: well spotted, brain
 brain: put smol frog in mouth
 me: no!
 brain: that lynx.. .Jooks so fluffy
 me: it does
 brain: we should pet it.
 me: it's awake and
 angry so no.
 brain: baaaaby bunny.
 me: yup
 brain: baby bunny goes in pocket
 me: nooo it doesn't.
 Ah-I read the one about the sea star crunch and I
 immediately thought of if I ate one, what goo would come out.
 Would it be like a mozzarella stick? The texture seems to fit
 right. What if someone served someone a sea star instead of
 a mozzarella stick in the shape of a sea star? Would they eat
 t? Would IilI eat it? What if I knew it was a sea star? Would I
 STILL eat i? I kinda just want mozzarella sticks but now they
 could all be sea star limbs so I have to be careful...
 Source: snowquee..
 Wanimal Bintrusive thoughts 8200
 98,700 notes
Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive Thoughts

Douchebag, Memes, and Apple Store: When you're about to go hijack a plane but your mom says you have to finish your chores What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little conformist bitch? I'll have you know I graduated by the skin of my teeth in all my courses in community college and I've been making fucking pottery for my whole life and I listen to underground only music. I am trained in whining and I'm the top douchebag in Starbucks. You are nothing to be but a fucking conformist. I will wipe you the fuck out with shit so underground it's in China, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying this shit to me over a fucking conformist site like Facebook? Think again, copy. As we speak I'm contacting my manager at Barnes and Noble and he's got connections with every Apple store manager this side of the Mississippi, and your IP address is being traced so you better prepare for man slaps you little maggot. The man slaps that will knock you on your ass. You're fucking dead, conformist. I can get in my Prius and be anywhere in a matter of hours, anytime and I can berate you in 700 ways, and that's just in English. Not only am I able to speak languages no one else speaks, but I have access to your Twitter account and I will use it to its full extent to wipe out all your followers you little mainstream junkie. If only you could know what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon yo, maybe would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the full price you goddamn mainstream loving bastard. I will shit classic literature all over you, and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, conformist.
Douchebag, Memes, and Apple Store: When you're about to go hijack a
 plane but your mom says you have to
 finish your chores
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little conformist bitch? I'll have you know I graduated by the skin of my teeth in all my courses in community college and I've been making fucking pottery for my whole life and I listen to underground only music. I am trained in whining and I'm the top douchebag in Starbucks. You are nothing to be but a fucking conformist. I will wipe you the fuck out with shit so underground it's in China, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying this shit to me over a fucking conformist site like Facebook? Think again, copy. As we speak I'm contacting my manager at Barnes and Noble and he's got connections with every Apple store manager this side of the Mississippi, and your IP address is being traced so you better prepare for man slaps you little maggot. The man slaps that will knock you on your ass. You're fucking dead, conformist. I can get in my Prius and be anywhere in a matter of hours, anytime and I can berate you in 700 ways, and that's just in English. Not only am I able to speak languages no one else speaks, but I have access to your Twitter account and I will use it to its full extent to wipe out all your followers you little mainstream junkie. If only you could know what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon yo, maybe would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the full price you goddamn mainstream loving bastard. I will shit classic literature all over you, and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, conformist.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little conformist bitch? I'll have you know I graduated by the skin of my teeth in all m...

Memes, Zero, and Desk: When you put something in the cart when ur shopping with ur mom and u hope she doesn't notice. @Dr Smashlove Aw hell, fvck, nah Bruh ๐Ÿ˜‚. My mama had eagle eyes at the grocery store line like a MOTHERFVCKER bruh. Hershey bar? Out. Pack of gum? Out. Box of Oreos? Out plus slap ๐Ÿ˜‚. That was a no brainer. I would literally see the cashier grab it and she was juuuuuuuust about to graze it across the scanner and right before the laser hit the package's bar code my mama said "I am sorry. Please put that to the side." And just then I would bear down, close my eyes, and SHMACK! Yep. Didn't even hurt. Just a minor sting. I expected that shit. Ayeeee thank u mama. There were a few (maybe four (4) or five (5)) times in my upbringing where I thought shit was sweet. And u were always there with a glare and that little (albeit fierce) hand to remind me that by all means, shit isn't sweet, shit was never sweet, and, to be clear, at no point in the future will shit ever be, sweet. Ain't no sweetness bih. Zero ๐Ÿ˜‚. I went thru a fat phase as a adult where I would eat like 18 Twix bars at my desk like "HAHAHAHA SEE MAMA SHIT REALLY IS SWEET" but then I'd feel nauseous, disgusting, disgusted, and unhappy and realize, "U know what, shit ain't sweet and that's potentially a good thing. Too much sweetness will make u sick and give u sugar diabetes." Mama u was a wise one. Or just cruel, and your cruelty masqueraded as wisdom. One of the two. Either way, u da real MVP ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Memes, Zero, and Desk: When you put something in the cart when
 ur shopping with ur mom and u hope she
 doesn't notice.
 @Dr Smashlove
Aw hell, fvck, nah Bruh ๐Ÿ˜‚. My mama had eagle eyes at the grocery store line like a MOTHERFVCKER bruh. Hershey bar? Out. Pack of gum? Out. Box of Oreos? Out plus slap ๐Ÿ˜‚. That was a no brainer. I would literally see the cashier grab it and she was juuuuuuuust about to graze it across the scanner and right before the laser hit the package's bar code my mama said "I am sorry. Please put that to the side." And just then I would bear down, close my eyes, and SHMACK! Yep. Didn't even hurt. Just a minor sting. I expected that shit. Ayeeee thank u mama. There were a few (maybe four (4) or five (5)) times in my upbringing where I thought shit was sweet. And u were always there with a glare and that little (albeit fierce) hand to remind me that by all means, shit isn't sweet, shit was never sweet, and, to be clear, at no point in the future will shit ever be, sweet. Ain't no sweetness bih. Zero ๐Ÿ˜‚. I went thru a fat phase as a adult where I would eat like 18 Twix bars at my desk like "HAHAHAHA SEE MAMA SHIT REALLY IS SWEET" but then I'd feel nauseous, disgusting, disgusted, and unhappy and realize, "U know what, shit ain't sweet and that's potentially a good thing. Too much sweetness will make u sick and give u sugar diabetes." Mama u was a wise one. Or just cruel, and your cruelty masqueraded as wisdom. One of the two. Either way, u da real MVP ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Aw hell, fvck, nah Bruh ๐Ÿ˜‚. My mama had eagle eyes at the grocery store line like a MOTHERFVCKER bruh. Hershey bar? Out. Pack of gum? Out. Bo...

Bitch, Candy, and Crying: Exit Salida waltersupermercado: c-bassmeow: waltersupermercado: c-bassmeow: prettyboyshyflizzy: ROWLAND HEIGHTS (CBSLA.com) โ€” An altercation between a woman, man, and a girl selling candy outside a Rowland Heights Target has gone viral, racking up more than five million views and nearly 70,000 shares. โ€œI showed it to friends and family, not intending it to go viral at all and I guess people just started sharing it and sharing it,โ€ said Andy Lizarraga, who posted the cellphone video on her Facebook last week. She did so after walking out of the store and witnessing a woman she says was harassing a teenage girl for selling candy for $1. โ€œShe comes up to the little kid and is like, โ€˜Where is your license? Have you asked permission to be here?โ€™ And then the kid is like, โ€˜No, Iโ€™m just selling candy. Iโ€™m trying to make some money,โ€™ โ€ Lizarraga said.โ€œShe continued to yell at her and scream at her and tell her if she didnโ€™t have a permit, that she was going to go to jail, that Sheriffโ€™s were on their way,โ€ said Jay Lopez, who walked up behind her. Lopez said that when he walked up the girl was in tears. โ€œWhen I walked up, she was crying hysterically,โ€ he said. He decided to stop the back-and-forth by offering to buy the entire lot of candy. He ultimately purchased $80 worth of candy and handed them out to fellow shoppers passing by. โ€œMind your own business. Take care of yourself and your family and everything will come together for you,โ€ he said. With millions of hits, Lizarragaโ€™s inbox has been flooded. She has heard from the womanโ€™s daughter, asking her to take the video down, but she hasnโ€™t heard from the little girl. Itโ€™s unclear what the girl was selling the candy for. Lopez said her older brother was also selling outside the store. She was sooo mad when he said he was gonna buy all of it lmaooo old white people swear they saving the world โ€ฆ. bless that man and that child ย and fuck that old yellerย  I need to get a license to slap that old bitch straight to hell and back. Letโ€™s jump her Iโ€™ll jump her with these
Bitch, Candy, and Crying: Exit
 Salida
waltersupermercado:

c-bassmeow:

waltersupermercado:

c-bassmeow:

prettyboyshyflizzy:


ROWLAND HEIGHTS (CBSLA.com) โ€”  An altercation between a woman, 
man, and a girl selling candy outside a Rowland Heights Target has gone 
viral, racking up more than five million views and nearly 70,000 shares.
โ€œI showed it to friends and family, not intending it to go viral at all 
and I guess people just started sharing it and sharing it,โ€ said Andy 
Lizarraga, who posted the cellphone video on her Facebook last week.
She did so after walking out of the store and witnessing a woman she says was harassing a teenage girl for selling candy for $1.
โ€œShe comes up to the little kid and is like, โ€˜Where is your license? 
Have you asked permission to be here?โ€™ And then the kid is like, โ€˜No, 
Iโ€™m just selling candy. Iโ€™m trying to make some money,โ€™ โ€ Lizarraga 
said.โ€œShe continued to yell at her and scream at her and tell her if she 
didnโ€™t have a permit, that she was going to go to jail, that Sheriffโ€™s 
were on their way,โ€ said Jay Lopez, who walked up behind her.
Lopez said that when he walked up the girl was in tears.
โ€œWhen I walked up, she was crying hysterically,โ€ he said.
He decided to stop the back-and-forth by offering to buy the entire lot of candy.
He ultimately purchased $80 worth of candy and handed them out to fellow shoppers passing by.
โ€œMind your own business. Take care of yourself and your family and everything will come together for you,โ€ he said.
With millions of hits, Lizarragaโ€™s inbox has been flooded.
She has heard from the womanโ€™s daughter, asking her to take the video down, but she hasnโ€™t heard from the little girl.
Itโ€™s unclear what the girl was selling the candy for. Lopez said her older brother was also selling outside the store. 
She was sooo mad when he said he was gonna buy all of it lmaooo

old white people swear they saving the world โ€ฆ. bless that man and that child ย and fuck that old yellerย 

I need to get a license to slap that old bitch straight to hell and back.

Letโ€™s jump her


Iโ€™ll jump her with these

waltersupermercado: c-bassmeow: waltersupermercado: c-bassmeow: prettyboyshyflizzy: ROWLAND HEIGHTS (CBSLA.com) โ€” An altercation betw...