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        🔥 | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Af, Ass, and Big Dick: fleur-cannnon:

afairlypudgycat:

whiskeyworen:

jaxblade:

norseminuteman:

red-faced-wolf:

kasaron:


bears-for-the-bear-god:

the-goddamn-doomguy:

captainsnoop:
big dick energy
Exactly the kind of response Doomguy should get when he walks into a room with other humans.


This is genuinely beyond big dick energy

It’s honestly Argent Phallus Energy (APE)


Holy shit 

Everyone is talking about key-card guy, but my favorite is the dude who tries to hide behind his swivel chair. Babe, babe, No, Doomguy jumps dick first into hell portals on an hourly basis and pops berserker power ups like your mom pops xanax. That chair aint doin SHIT. 
Also I love how they don’t just seem to be afraid of the fact that the apex predator of the Legions of Armageddon just walked in. They are acting like they think he might attack them, because you know the UAC has waged a serious PR war against Doom-Chad while he’s been kicking ass on Mars/Hell.  

ALPHA AF!!!

I just love the fact that DoomGuy spots the keycard on the dude’s lanyard, and instead of doing a vicious yank, or simply snapping it off the lanyard like he always does, he very, VERY carefully takes it, and slowly pulls the dude to the scanner, before letting him go.For a dude filled with eternal rage and seething violence, that was remarkably polite of him. It was almost his “…Excuse me. I require this. Pardon my reach.”Then that poor marine. “Hey YOU! You can’t… be… here…” DoomGuy just casually approaches, looks at him, looks at his gun, and then still remarkably politely, just takes it. Doesn’t wrench it away, or kill the guy, or anything violent. Just reaches out and retrieves it. Again, like “You are doing a fine job. That’s a fine weapon. Mind if I see it? *takes it and walks away*”It’s as if he’s being very, VERY careful not to harm normal humans (or whatever augmented humans those armored marines qualify as), saving his violence specifically for the Daemonic.Kinda supports my idea that DoomGuy isn’t neccessarily a bloodthirsty raging psycho. He’s a guy who has seen so much, done SO MUCH… that he’s calm. He’s so far beyond wrath at the demons that he’s entered a weird Calm and just LIVES there. Nothing shakes him of it. He doesn’t grunt, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t scream, he just breathes and moves on. New demon? Well, it’ll bleed like the last. He doesn’t revel in combat, he just moves through it like walking through air; it’s a function of existence for him.

Doomguy dissociating 100% of the time


Within the first few minutes of Doom 2016 and throughout much of the remainder of the game it’s clear that Doomguy values human life A LOT. Humans are never his enemy, it’s the demons. He looks at the dead man in the elevator as Hayden says something along the lines of “I swear it was for the greater good.” Doomguy sees right in front of him it wasn’t, and I betcha right then Doomguy was against Hayden. Doomguy doesn’t take kindly to crimes against humanity, even if accidental.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Af, Ass, and Big Dick: fleur-cannnon:

afairlypudgycat:

whiskeyworen:

jaxblade:

norseminuteman:

red-faced-wolf:

kasaron:


bears-for-the-bear-god:

the-goddamn-doomguy:

captainsnoop:
big dick energy
Exactly the kind of response Doomguy should get when he walks into a room with other humans.


This is genuinely beyond big dick energy

It’s honestly Argent Phallus Energy (APE)


Holy shit 

Everyone is talking about key-card guy, but my favorite is the dude who tries to hide behind his swivel chair. Babe, babe, No, Doomguy jumps dick first into hell portals on an hourly basis and pops berserker power ups like your mom pops xanax. That chair aint doin SHIT. 
Also I love how they don’t just seem to be afraid of the fact that the apex predator of the Legions of Armageddon just walked in. They are acting like they think he might attack them, because you know the UAC has waged a serious PR war against Doom-Chad while he’s been kicking ass on Mars/Hell.  

ALPHA AF!!!

I just love the fact that DoomGuy spots the keycard on the dude’s lanyard, and instead of doing a vicious yank, or simply snapping it off the lanyard like he always does, he very, VERY carefully takes it, and slowly pulls the dude to the scanner, before letting him go.For a dude filled with eternal rage and seething violence, that was remarkably polite of him. It was almost his “…Excuse me. I require this. Pardon my reach.”Then that poor marine. “Hey YOU! You can’t… be… here…” DoomGuy just casually approaches, looks at him, looks at his gun, and then still remarkably politely, just takes it. Doesn’t wrench it away, or kill the guy, or anything violent. Just reaches out and retrieves it. Again, like “You are doing a fine job. That’s a fine weapon. Mind if I see it? *takes it and walks away*”It’s as if he’s being very, VERY careful not to harm normal humans (or whatever augmented humans those armored marines qualify as), saving his violence specifically for the Daemonic.Kinda supports my idea that DoomGuy isn’t neccessarily a bloodthirsty raging psycho. He’s a guy who has seen so much, done SO MUCH… that he’s calm. He’s so far beyond wrath at the demons that he’s entered a weird Calm and just LIVES there. Nothing shakes him of it. He doesn’t grunt, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t scream, he just breathes and moves on. New demon? Well, it’ll bleed like the last. He doesn’t revel in combat, he just moves through it like walking through air; it’s a function of existence for him.

Doomguy dissociating 100% of the time


Within the first few minutes of Doom 2016 and throughout much of the remainder of the game it’s clear that Doomguy values human life A LOT. Humans are never his enemy, it’s the demons. He looks at the dead man in the elevator as Hayden says something along the lines of “I swear it was for the greater good.” Doomguy sees right in front of him it wasn’t, and I betcha right then Doomguy was against Hayden. Doomguy doesn’t take kindly to crimes against humanity, even if accidental.
                
                

                
            

            
            
fleur-cannnon:

afairlypudgycat:

whiskeyworen:

jaxblade:

norseminuteman:

red-faced-wolf:

kasaron:


bears-for-the-bear-god:

the-goddam...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Ass, Cinderella , and Click: kaylapocalypse:
 ok 
so i know what you’re thinking “oh i remember that scene i don’t need to click on the video to recall it”. But you should. Like… if you’re anywhere near your mid-twenties, chances are that you watched shrek (1) when you were a kid and maybe a few times again in your late teens, but your memory absolutely doesn’t do it justice.
The comedic timing through this whole movie is insane. Also, the fact that the animation style is aging literally just adds to the hilarity instead of poorly dating it. The nuance of every gesture is so well done and specific. 
I am literally convinced that this movie is a masterpiece and that will be historically relevant maybe 100 years from now as a perfect time capsule of our culture.
This scene in particular illustrates it especially well; particularly for being only like 1 minute long.
Highlights/Breakdown
The timing in the way Robin says savior and the way he says beast. 
the character solidifying disregard and disrespect of “Please! Monster!”
Fiona’s sheer brute strength when she pokes him in the shoulder so hard it spins him around–strength that he disregards which is why hes surprised as hell when he gets his ass beat
Just the entire french accent that isn’t even a good french accent at all.
The accordion man in the tree, the prop bushes. that one of the prop bushes falls down to reveal that its a wood cut-out subtly in the background 
Shrek and fiona watching with horror as he begins his song. Donkey never cracking his excited smile, fully immersed in the Lore™; which is actually part of a longer running joke through the film which is that occasionally when certain characters do things would be reacted to poorly irl, the surrounding characters react like you would if you saw that irl not like characters in a story. Like instead of getting drawn into the lore of their circumstances they just stand there, staring like “yikesssss”
shrek’s exhaustion and impatience when the song goes into the “saucy little maid” bit. 
“what hes basically saying is he likes to get paid.”  the chaos of that statement. combined with shrek and fiona having a eye contact conversation above the performance, exchanging “wtf” gestures. 
When the song escalates into a dance fight, Shrek’s exhaustion turns into general mounting amusement like “wow is this really turning into a dance fight. wow hes really snapping in unison” which is additionally apart of the above long running joke
Fiona interrupting robin with a kick.
the fuckin sound his head makes when it hits the rock. 
The fight after isn’t as dynamic timing wise, just a classic animated fight scene but that song though. *kisses fingers like a chef*
Watching this does give me an appreciation for 2D animation though because say what you will but Cinderella has aged a lot better than Shrek in terms of visual quality.With 2D you get fairly consistent quality. With old 3D you get uncanny valley nightmares.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ass, Cinderella , and Click: kaylapocalypse:
 ok 
so i know what you’re thinking “oh i remember that scene i don’t need to click on the video to recall it”. But you should. Like… if you’re anywhere near your mid-twenties, chances are that you watched shrek (1) when you were a kid and maybe a few times again in your late teens, but your memory absolutely doesn’t do it justice.
The comedic timing through this whole movie is insane. Also, the fact that the animation style is aging literally just adds to the hilarity instead of poorly dating it. The nuance of every gesture is so well done and specific. 
I am literally convinced that this movie is a masterpiece and that will be historically relevant maybe 100 years from now as a perfect time capsule of our culture.
This scene in particular illustrates it especially well; particularly for being only like 1 minute long.
Highlights/Breakdown
The timing in the way Robin says savior and the way he says beast. 
the character solidifying disregard and disrespect of “Please! Monster!”
Fiona’s sheer brute strength when she pokes him in the shoulder so hard it spins him around–strength that he disregards which is why hes surprised as hell when he gets his ass beat
Just the entire french accent that isn’t even a good french accent at all.
The accordion man in the tree, the prop bushes. that one of the prop bushes falls down to reveal that its a wood cut-out subtly in the background 
Shrek and fiona watching with horror as he begins his song. Donkey never cracking his excited smile, fully immersed in the Lore™; which is actually part of a longer running joke through the film which is that occasionally when certain characters do things would be reacted to poorly irl, the surrounding characters react like you would if you saw that irl not like characters in a story. Like instead of getting drawn into the lore of their circumstances they just stand there, staring like “yikesssss”
shrek’s exhaustion and impatience when the song goes into the “saucy little maid” bit. 
“what hes basically saying is he likes to get paid.”  the chaos of that statement. combined with shrek and fiona having a eye contact conversation above the performance, exchanging “wtf” gestures. 
When the song escalates into a dance fight, Shrek’s exhaustion turns into general mounting amusement like “wow is this really turning into a dance fight. wow hes really snapping in unison” which is additionally apart of the above long running joke
Fiona interrupting robin with a kick.
the fuckin sound his head makes when it hits the rock. 
The fight after isn’t as dynamic timing wise, just a classic animated fight scene but that song though. *kisses fingers like a chef*
Watching this does give me an appreciation for 2D animation though because say what you will but Cinderella has aged a lot better than Shrek in terms of visual quality.With 2D you get fairly consistent quality. With old 3D you get uncanny valley nightmares.
                
            

            
            
kaylapocalypse:
 ok 
so i know what you’re thinking “oh i remember that scene i don’t need to click on the video to recall it”. But you shou...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered
 into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be
 escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity
 snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into
 action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is
 a gigantic king a""hole
 Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k
 away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he
 could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let
 me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like
 terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn
 Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was
 gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just
 about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the
 f'k down Jesus Frank
 Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and
 getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he
 is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp
 Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting
 like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this
 point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric
 asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong
 WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK
 Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole
 ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De
 Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit
 easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot
 Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled
 dickweed
 Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire
 town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with
 care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN
 YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered
 into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be
 escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity
 snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into
 action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is
 a gigantic king a""hole
 Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k
 away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he
 could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let
 me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like
 terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn
 Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was
 gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just
 about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the
 f'k down Jesus Frank
 Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and
 getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he
 is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp
 Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting
 like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this
 point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric
 asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong
 WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK
 Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole
 ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De
 Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit
 easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot
 Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled
 dickweed
 Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire
 town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with
 care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN
 YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle
                
            

            
            
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered
 into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be
 escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity
 snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into
 action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is
 a gigantic king a""hole
 Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k
 away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he
 could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let
 me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like
 terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn
 Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was
 gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just
 about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the
 f'k down Jesus Frank
 Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and
 getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he
 is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp
 Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting
 like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this
 point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric
 asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong
 WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK
 Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole
 ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De
 Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit
 easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot
 Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled
 dickweed
 Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire
 town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with
 care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN
 YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered
 into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be
 escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity
 snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into
 action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is
 a gigantic king a""hole
 Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k
 away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he
 could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let
 me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like
 terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn
 Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was
 gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just
 about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the
 f'k down Jesus Frank
 Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and
 getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he
 is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp
 Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting
 like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this
 point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric
 asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong
 WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK
 Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole
 ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De
 Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit
 easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot
 Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled
 dickweed
 Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire
 town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with
 care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN
 YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle
                
            

            
            
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Mouse, Pictures, and Wonder: Was taking pictures of my cat when it suddenly freaked out and ran off. I wonder why.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Mouse, Pictures, and Wonder: Was taking pictures of my cat when it suddenly freaked out and ran off. I wonder why.
                
            

            
            
Was taking pictures of my cat when it suddenly freaked out and ran off. I wonder why.

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Fucking, Life, and School: DONNY CATES. @Doncates , Dec 11
 I promise you dont really want to read a book where Eddie is doing fine and
 everything is awesome and everyone is happy. That book is boring and you will
 not like that book
 Or maybe you would. I dunno.
 I'm not writing that book
symbisexual-disaster:*glances wearily at my 5,000 bookmarked fics in which everything is awesome and everyone is happy* 
Honestly this just shows what a shallow understanding of story writing he has and I don’t know how he got to become a writer as a result of this.Conflict makes a story interesting but it’s pretty clear that a) he only has 1 idea of conflict (tragedy) and b) he sees no room for character growth (because anything other than tragedy is considered boring and irrelevant and therefore we never see characters put into different situations and he doesn’t have to write them react to anything other than tragedy).Showing Eddie and Venom doing well doesn’t even have to be the whole series (honestly I’d find that pretty boring too after several issues as much as I want to see Eddie and Venom grocery shopping or going to the farmer’s market). The point of doing so is a) character development and b) a break in the storyline from any current conflict. As much as peace/ trivial aspects of Eddie’s life will get boring after several issues, so will conflict. I’m really tired of seeing overblown issues left right and centre and absolutely no pause given to Eddie’s development (not to mention he’s regressing because of shitty writing).That one scene where Eddie’s speaking to V but seemingly himself when he’s eating noodles and V’s asking for a bloody steak? That’s the kind of shit I’m talking about. It’s literally 2 pages of Eddie speaking to himself, being very kind to V, then snapping back at a stranger who’s weirded out by him and he and V then proceed to have a conversation about innocence and stupidity. Not only does this show Eddie’s a dick in day-to-day life which contrasts with his ideas of being a good person and saving the innocent, it also shows V’s basic (but forming) ideas about human characteristics and personalities and Eddie has to do his best to help V understand innocent =/= stupid. That’s all it fucking took! 2 pages of a regular conversation between Eddie and V! Then you can get back to whatever conflict is happening!Donny Cates never graduated from the school of ‘I like these characters and I’m going to make them suffer’ and it shows.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Fucking, Life, and School: DONNY CATES. @Doncates , Dec 11
 I promise you dont really want to read a book where Eddie is doing fine and
 everything is awesome and everyone is happy. That book is boring and you will
 not like that book
 Or maybe you would. I dunno.
 I'm not writing that book
symbisexual-disaster:*glances wearily at my 5,000 bookmarked fics in which everything is awesome and everyone is happy* 
Honestly this just shows what a shallow understanding of story writing he has and I don’t know how he got to become a writer as a result of this.Conflict makes a story interesting but it’s pretty clear that a) he only has 1 idea of conflict (tragedy) and b) he sees no room for character growth (because anything other than tragedy is considered boring and irrelevant and therefore we never see characters put into different situations and he doesn’t have to write them react to anything other than tragedy).Showing Eddie and Venom doing well doesn’t even have to be the whole series (honestly I’d find that pretty boring too after several issues as much as I want to see Eddie and Venom grocery shopping or going to the farmer’s market). The point of doing so is a) character development and b) a break in the storyline from any current conflict. As much as peace/ trivial aspects of Eddie’s life will get boring after several issues, so will conflict. I’m really tired of seeing overblown issues left right and centre and absolutely no pause given to Eddie’s development (not to mention he’s regressing because of shitty writing).That one scene where Eddie’s speaking to V but seemingly himself when he’s eating noodles and V’s asking for a bloody steak? That’s the kind of shit I’m talking about. It’s literally 2 pages of Eddie speaking to himself, being very kind to V, then snapping back at a stranger who’s weirded out by him and he and V then proceed to have a conversation about innocence and stupidity. Not only does this show Eddie’s a dick in day-to-day life which contrasts with his ideas of being a good person and saving the innocent, it also shows V’s basic (but forming) ideas about human characteristics and personalities and Eddie has to do his best to help V understand innocent =/= stupid. That’s all it fucking took! 2 pages of a regular conversation between Eddie and V! Then you can get back to whatever conflict is happening!Donny Cates never graduated from the school of ‘I like these characters and I’m going to make them suffer’ and it shows.
                
            

            
            
symbisexual-disaster:*glances wearily at my 5,000 bookmarked fics in which everything is awesome and everyone is happy* 
Honestly this just ...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes
 He Spent Entire Conversation
 Thinking About How To Automate
 Person Talking To Him
theonion:

SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes
 He Spent Entire Conversation
 Thinking About How To Automate
 Person Talking To Him
theonion:

SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.
                
            

            
            
theonion:

SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Animals, Cats, and Creepy: rabbitinheadlights
 l feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read
 their body language as if they were dogs. So here's a very basic quide to
 common "mean" things cats do that actually aren't mean at all if you know what
 they're thinking
 Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched
 Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!
 Actually means: I'm playful! If you reach for my belly I'll grab your arm and bite
 it because I think we're playfighting!
 Lazily exposing belly still attacks when touched
 Does not mean: tricked you again!
 Actually means: I'm showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don't
 break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I'm
 not ticklish and I know you wel
 Snapping at you while being pet
 Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you!
 Actually means: You're petting me in a way that gives me too much restless
 energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the
 full length of my back next time
 Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact
 Does not mean: l'm ignoring you
 Actually means: We're hanging out! I'm being respectful by giving you space
 while still enjoying your company
 Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them
 Does not mean: I hate you!
 Actually means: You've failed to establish that we're not playing, or the way
 you're approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye
 contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.
 squeakykins
 I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex
 me because they're so completely different behaviourally
 blome3kissesbitch
 I love dogs too but, I've been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you
 treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities
 blome3kissesbitch
 P.s. people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the
 belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs
 so what you're doing probably hurts them
 northisnotup
 Also, their tail language is the opposite!
 Cats, tail up: happy to see you, happy to be here, happy in general
 Dogs (most breeds), tail up: On Alert, Hypervigilant, May Attack
 pluckyredhead
 And a cat with a swishing/"wagging" tail is a P.O.'ed cat.
 naamahdarling
 Sitting and staring
 Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil
 and creepy
 Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very
 thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting
 and enjoy watching them. I just don't need to blink very often!
 Staring and blinking slowly
 Does not mean: I'm smug and think l am smarter than you
 Actually means: I like you! But I don't need to get up in your face to show it. I
 can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you l am glad you are
 around!
 It's very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like
 they're deceitful. They aren't! They just AREN'T DOGS
Cats are misunderstood creatures
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Animals, Cats, and Creepy: rabbitinheadlights
 l feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read
 their body language as if they were dogs. So here's a very basic quide to
 common "mean" things cats do that actually aren't mean at all if you know what
 they're thinking
 Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched
 Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!
 Actually means: I'm playful! If you reach for my belly I'll grab your arm and bite
 it because I think we're playfighting!
 Lazily exposing belly still attacks when touched
 Does not mean: tricked you again!
 Actually means: I'm showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don't
 break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I'm
 not ticklish and I know you wel
 Snapping at you while being pet
 Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you!
 Actually means: You're petting me in a way that gives me too much restless
 energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the
 full length of my back next time
 Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact
 Does not mean: l'm ignoring you
 Actually means: We're hanging out! I'm being respectful by giving you space
 while still enjoying your company
 Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them
 Does not mean: I hate you!
 Actually means: You've failed to establish that we're not playing, or the way
 you're approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye
 contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.
 squeakykins
 I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex
 me because they're so completely different behaviourally
 blome3kissesbitch
 I love dogs too but, I've been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you
 treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities
 blome3kissesbitch
 P.s. people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the
 belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs
 so what you're doing probably hurts them
 northisnotup
 Also, their tail language is the opposite!
 Cats, tail up: happy to see you, happy to be here, happy in general
 Dogs (most breeds), tail up: On Alert, Hypervigilant, May Attack
 pluckyredhead
 And a cat with a swishing/"wagging" tail is a P.O.'ed cat.
 naamahdarling
 Sitting and staring
 Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil
 and creepy
 Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very
 thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting
 and enjoy watching them. I just don't need to blink very often!
 Staring and blinking slowly
 Does not mean: I'm smug and think l am smarter than you
 Actually means: I like you! But I don't need to get up in your face to show it. I
 can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you l am glad you are
 around!
 It's very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like
 they're deceitful. They aren't! They just AREN'T DOGS
Cats are misunderstood creatures
                
            

            
            
Cats are misunderstood creatures

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Chill, Love, and Tumblr: 66o grean bean
 @misandrism
 hurt by nin vs hurt by johnny cash
 2018-03-27, 1:20 PM
<p><a href="https://blxckchrysler.tumblr.com/post/172730079429/libertarirynn-blxckchrysler-libertarirynn" class="tumblr_blog">blxckchrysler</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/172730019279/blxckchrysler-libertarirynn-ok-but-what" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://blxckchrysler.tumblr.com/post/172729953554/libertarirynn-ok-but-what-were-not-about-to-do" class="tumblr_blog">blxckchrysler</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/172729883684/ok-but-what-were-not-about-to-do-is-pretend-that" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>OK but what we’re not about to do is pretend that Johnny Cash‘s version wasn’t superior in every way to Nine-Inch Nails. It was the last thing he recorded and it was filled with clips from his earlier career and you can literally feel the pain and love and memories in his eyes and just</p></blockquote>

<p>damn ma is it that serious, all they did was put a cowboy hat on</p>
</blockquote>

<p>“#Chill”</p>
<p>Who’s not chill? I’m not offended by the hat I just want to make it clear that Johnny Cash‘s version was better. I’m pretty sure NIN even said that.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>okay but <i>who</i> even said cash’s version wasn’t better, you just snapped outta nowhere</p>
</blockquote><p>It’s called making a statement. It wasn’t argumentative. Nobody’s snapping at anybody.</p>
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Chill, Love, and Tumblr: 66o grean bean
 @misandrism
 hurt by nin vs hurt by johnny cash
 2018-03-27, 1:20 PM
<p><a href="https://blxckchrysler.tumblr.com/post/172730079429/libertarirynn-blxckchrysler-libertarirynn" class="tumblr_blog">blxckchrysler</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/172730019279/blxckchrysler-libertarirynn-ok-but-what" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://blxckchrysler.tumblr.com/post/172729953554/libertarirynn-ok-but-what-were-not-about-to-do" class="tumblr_blog">blxckchrysler</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/172729883684/ok-but-what-were-not-about-to-do-is-pretend-that" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>OK but what we’re not about to do is pretend that Johnny Cash‘s version wasn’t superior in every way to Nine-Inch Nails. It was the last thing he recorded and it was filled with clips from his earlier career and you can literally feel the pain and love and memories in his eyes and just</p></blockquote>

<p>damn ma is it that serious, all they did was put a cowboy hat on</p>
</blockquote>

<p>“#Chill”</p>
<p>Who’s not chill? I’m not offended by the hat I just want to make it clear that Johnny Cash‘s version was better. I’m pretty sure NIN even said that.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>okay but <i>who</i> even said cash’s version wasn’t better, you just snapped outta nowhere</p>
</blockquote><p>It’s called making a statement. It wasn’t argumentative. Nobody’s snapping at anybody.</p>
                
            

            
            
blxckchrysler:
libertarirynn:


blxckchrysler:


libertarirynn:

OK but what we’re not about to do is pretend that Johnny Cash‘s version was...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Chris Brown, Lawyer, and Memes: Chris Brown Caught With Hands Around
 Woman's Neck; Says They Were Just Playing
 @balleralert
Chris Brown Caught With Hands Around Woman’s Neck; Says They Were Just Playing – blogged by @MsJennyb (pic @tmz_tv) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Chris Brown’s controversial past has left him with a target on his back. So much so, that horseplay with a woman can be perceived as a physical threat, depending on who’s watching. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In an incident that occurred on Monday morning, the superstar singer was hanging out at on the balcony of a Miami home with a few cool people, when paparazzi started snapping a few pics. In one of the photos, Brown is seen with his right hand around a woman’s neck. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Although the woman looks distressed in a few shots, she is also seen smiling at others, as both parties claimed the incident to be innocent horseplay. In fact, Brown’s lawyer even got involved to defuse the situation before it got out of hand, and even threatened the photographer for invading Brown’s privacy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “She’s a friend,” Mark Geragos told TMZ. “It’s obviously playful as she confirmed. Whoever invaded their privacy will be held accountable.”
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Chris Brown, Lawyer, and Memes: Chris Brown Caught With Hands Around
 Woman's Neck; Says They Were Just Playing
 @balleralert
Chris Brown Caught With Hands Around Woman’s Neck; Says They Were Just Playing – blogged by @MsJennyb (pic @tmz_tv) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Chris Brown’s controversial past has left him with a target on his back. So much so, that horseplay with a woman can be perceived as a physical threat, depending on who’s watching. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In an incident that occurred on Monday morning, the superstar singer was hanging out at on the balcony of a Miami home with a few cool people, when paparazzi started snapping a few pics. In one of the photos, Brown is seen with his right hand around a woman’s neck. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Although the woman looks distressed in a few shots, she is also seen smiling at others, as both parties claimed the incident to be innocent horseplay. In fact, Brown’s lawyer even got involved to defuse the situation before it got out of hand, and even threatened the photographer for invading Brown’s privacy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “She’s a friend,” Mark Geragos told TMZ. “It’s obviously playful as she confirmed. Whoever invaded their privacy will be held accountable.”
                
            

            
            
Chris Brown Caught With Hands Around Woman’s Neck; Says They Were Just Playing – blogged by @MsJennyb (pic @tmz_tv) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Chri...