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    Bad, Beautiful, and Fucking: Take
 the
 breadsticks
 Young
 Man
 and
 run
 Man
 young [door
 man hand
 hook
 said
 car
 gun
deceit-the-snakey-snake:
plaid-n-converse:

cherrysconeslut:


pawsofponies:


garecc:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:

buggykin:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:

biggest-goofiest-fish:

desertdaylight:


kait-the-kitty:

chiribomb:

politicalcompassmemes:

your-uncle-dave:

maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit:

japhers:

jewishzevran:

animatedamerican:

pagesofkenna:

mommacomms:

fidefortitude:

bl00dlikeice:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

plaid-n-converse:

memeception

WEā€™VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

@caesarianconfection

Iā€™ve saidĀ ā€œI hate thisā€ so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, becauseĀ ā€œI hate thisā€ is just shorthand forĀ ā€˜this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasnā€™t expecting with intent to surpriseā€™. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.
But thisā€¦ This is something else.
The rapidity of a memeā€™s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, youā€™ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. Itā€™ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeareā€™s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.
For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

ā€¦.I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

it is a YMCA reference - thatā€™s one of the 6 memes being represented here
ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)
this first lyric replacement (ā€take the breadsticks and runā€) is a reference to the tumblr meme ā€˜stuffing breadsticks into my purseā€™. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. thatā€™s meme two (2)
ā€œman door hand hook car doorā€ is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the genericĀ ā€˜stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill usā€™ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)
ā€˜gunā€™ isā€¦ yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to ā€œman door hand hook car doorā€ for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)
and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomesĀ meme five (5)
which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)
(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think iā€™ve ever seen. the initialĀ ā€˜young manā€™ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock memeĀ ā€˜gunā€™ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

I wasnā€™t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkennaā€˜s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpgā€™s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000ā€™s rage comics

I was getting a political compass vibe too

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun


This works better than I thought it would. 


This was in my senior project 

Iā€™m not sorry.

EIGHT MEME COMBO


FATALITY

We have officially created a new languageĀ 

I just had to do it to em


THIS FUCKING THREAD Iā€™M GONNA CRY
I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDNā€™T EXPECT MORE Iā€™M SOBBING

M E M E T E N

OwO?




W o w


You know I had to 


I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it


THIRTEEN!?


MEME COUNT:1 - YMCA (@plaid-n-converse, pointed out by @pagesofkenna)2 - breadsticks (see above)3 - man door hand hook car door (see above)4 - gun (see above)5 - meme combo (see above)6 - loss (see above)7 - 2000s comics vibes (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @japhers)8 - political compass (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit, then highlighted by @politicalcompassmemes)9 - tag yourself (user was @your-uncle-dave but now appears to be deactivated)10 - i hate this (kind of barely used by @fidefortitude so idk if it really counts)11 - nickelback/look at this photograph (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)12 - had to do it to them (see above)13 - distracted boyfriend (see above)14 - is this a pigeon (see above)15 - oh, this is beautiful (@garecc)16 - expanding brain (@cherrysconeslut)17 - cursed (can be argues as a meme due to its excessive use and popularity, as well as the sort of subtext/emotion behind it that accompanies most memes on this site) (@plaid-n-converse)18 - weve created a new language (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)19 - owo (see above)20 - most ___ addition to a post (@plaid-n-converse)21 - it could be argued that meme analysis in itself is a memeFeel free to debate any of these or add any Ive missed, but I think I got them all??
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Bad, Beautiful, and Fucking: Take
 the
 breadsticks
 Young
 Man
 and
 run
 Man
 young [door
 man hand
 hook
 said
 car
 gun
deceit-the-snakey-snake:
plaid-n-converse:

cherrysconeslut:


pawsofponies:


garecc:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:

buggykin:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:

biggest-goofiest-fish:

desertdaylight:


kait-the-kitty:

chiribomb:

politicalcompassmemes:

your-uncle-dave:

maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit:

japhers:

jewishzevran:

animatedamerican:

pagesofkenna:

mommacomms:

fidefortitude:

bl00dlikeice:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

plaid-n-converse:

memeception

WEā€™VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

@caesarianconfection

Iā€™ve saidĀ ā€œI hate thisā€ so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, becauseĀ ā€œI hate thisā€ is just shorthand forĀ ā€˜this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasnā€™t expecting with intent to surpriseā€™. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.
But thisā€¦ This is something else.
The rapidity of a memeā€™s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, youā€™ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. Itā€™ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeareā€™s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.
For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

ā€¦.I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

it is a YMCA reference - thatā€™s one of the 6 memes being represented here
ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)
this first lyric replacement (ā€take the breadsticks and runā€) is a reference to the tumblr meme ā€˜stuffing breadsticks into my purseā€™. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. thatā€™s meme two (2)
ā€œman door hand hook car doorā€ is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the genericĀ ā€˜stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill usā€™ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)
ā€˜gunā€™ isā€¦ yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to ā€œman door hand hook car doorā€ for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)
and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomesĀ meme five (5)
which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)
(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think iā€™ve ever seen. the initialĀ ā€˜young manā€™ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock memeĀ ā€˜gunā€™ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

I wasnā€™t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkennaā€˜s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpgā€™s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000ā€™s rage comics

I was getting a political compass vibe too

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun


This works better than I thought it would. 


This was in my senior project 

Iā€™m not sorry.

EIGHT MEME COMBO


FATALITY

We have officially created a new languageĀ 

I just had to do it to em


THIS FUCKING THREAD Iā€™M GONNA CRY
I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDNā€™T EXPECT MORE Iā€™M SOBBING

M E M E T E N

OwO?




W o w


You know I had to 


I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it


THIRTEEN!?


MEME COUNT:1 - YMCA (@plaid-n-converse, pointed out by @pagesofkenna)2 - breadsticks (see above)3 - man door hand hook car door (see above)4 - gun (see above)5 - meme combo (see above)6 - loss (see above)7 - 2000s comics vibes (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @japhers)8 - political compass (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit, then highlighted by @politicalcompassmemes)9 - tag yourself (user was @your-uncle-dave but now appears to be deactivated)10 - i hate this (kind of barely used by @fidefortitude so idk if it really counts)11 - nickelback/look at this photograph (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)12 - had to do it to them (see above)13 - distracted boyfriend (see above)14 - is this a pigeon (see above)15 - oh, this is beautiful (@garecc)16 - expanding brain (@cherrysconeslut)17 - cursed (can be argues as a meme due to its excessive use and popularity, as well as the sort of subtext/emotion behind it that accompanies most memes on this site) (@plaid-n-converse)18 - weve created a new language (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)19 - owo (see above)20 - most ___ addition to a post (@plaid-n-converse)21 - it could be argued that meme analysis in itself is a memeFeel free to debate any of these or add any Ive missed, but I think I got them all??
                
            

            
            
deceit-the-snakey-snake:
plaid-n-converse:

cherrysconeslut:


pawsofponies:


garecc:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshame...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Dad, Grandma, and Head: Stop taking people with
 dementia to the cemetery
 On yeah, every time that dad forgets mom is dead, we head to the cemetery so
 he can see her gravestone.
 WHAT I can't tell you how many times I've heard some version of this
 awful story. Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery Seniously, I
 cringe every single time someone tells me about their plan" to remind a loved
 one that their loved one is dead
 I also hear this a lot: 1 keep reminding mom that her sister is dead, and
 sometimes she recalls it once I've said it. That's still not a good thing. Why are
 we trying to force people to remember that their loved ones have passed away?
 If your loved one with dementia has lost track of their timeline, and forgoten that
 a loved one is dead, don't remind them. What's the point of reintroducing that
 kind of pain? Here's the thing they will forget again, and they will ask again.
 You're never, ever, ever, going to "convince them of something permanently
 Instead, do this
 Dad, where do you think mom is?
 When he tells you the answer, repeat that answer to him and assert that it
 sounds correct. For example, it he says, "1 think mom is at work,"say, "Yes, that
 sounds right, I think she must be at work. it he says, 1 think she passed away
 say, Yes, she passed away
 People like the answer that they gave you. Also, it takes you off the hook
 to come up with something" that satisfies them. Then, twenty minutes later
 when they ask where mom is, repeat what they originally told you
 drgaellon
 I support this sentiment. Repeatedly reminding someone with faulty memory that
 a loved one has died isn't a kindness, it's a cruelty. They have to relieve the loss
 every time, even if they don't remember the grief 15 minutes later
 In other words, don't try to impose your timeline on them in order to make
 yourself feel better. Correcting an afflicted dementia patient will not cure them
 They won't magically return to your real world'. No matter how much you might
 want them to.
 It's a kindness of old age, forgetting. Life can be very painful. Don't be the one
 ripping off the bandage every single time
 prismatic-bell
 I used to work as a companion in a nursing home where one of the patients was
 CONVINCED I was her sister, who'd died 40 years earlier. And every time one of
 the nurses said דhat's not Janet, Janet is dead, Alice, remember?" Alice would
 start sobbing
 So finally one day Alice did the whole JANET IS HERE and this nurse rather
 nastily went Janet is dead and before it could go any furtherI said "excuse
 mer?? How dare you say something so horrible to my sister?"
 The nurse was pissed, because I was feeding Alice's delusions. Alice didn't
 have delusions. Alice had Alzheimer's.
 But I made sure it went into Alice's chart that she responded positively to being
 allowed to believe I was Janet. And from that point forward, only my specific
 patient referred to me as-Nina. in front of Alice-everyone else called me Janet.
 and when Alice said my name wasn't Nina I just said "oh, it's a nickname, that's
 all."It kept her calm and happy and not sobbing every time she saw me
 It costs zero dollars (and maybe a little bit of fast thinking) to not be an asshole
 to someone wah Alzheimer's or dementia. Be kind
 I wish I had heard this stuft when Grandma was still here
 satr9
 I read once that you have to treat dementia patilents more like it's improv, like
 you have to take what they say and say to yourself ok, and" and give them
 more of a story to occupy them and not just shut it down with something super
 harsh
 A nurse I used to work with always told us: Tf a man with dementia is trying to
 get out of bed to go to work, don't tell him he's 90 and in a nursing home. Tell
 him it's Sunday and he can stay in bed. If a woman with dementia is trying to
 stand because she wants to get her husband's dinner out of the oven, don't tel
 her he's been dead for 20 years. Tell her you'll do for her and she can sit back
 down
 Always remembered that, always did it. Nothing worse than hearing someone
 with memory loss ask the same question over and over again only to be met
 with: "We already told youl"
 Just tell them again
 steel-phoenix
 I've worked with elderly dementia patients, and I agree with all the above. Treat
 them as you'd like to be treated in the same situation
 ruby-white-rabbit
 Same. I've worked with patients like these and even my grandma was convinced
 for a day that I was my aunt. Just roll with it
 lazulisong
 My go-to response to someone asking if I've seen a dead loved one is "I haven't
 seen them today, but if I do I'll let them know you were looking for them. Cause
 you know what, if I DID see them I wouild tell them, so it always comes out
 sounding truthtul
 Source dementiabyday.com
 99.289 notes
PSA for those whose loved ones have dementia
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Dad, Grandma, and Head: Stop taking people with
 dementia to the cemetery
 On yeah, every time that dad forgets mom is dead, we head to the cemetery so
 he can see her gravestone.
 WHAT I can't tell you how many times I've heard some version of this
 awful story. Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery Seniously, I
 cringe every single time someone tells me about their plan" to remind a loved
 one that their loved one is dead
 I also hear this a lot: 1 keep reminding mom that her sister is dead, and
 sometimes she recalls it once I've said it. That's still not a good thing. Why are
 we trying to force people to remember that their loved ones have passed away?
 If your loved one with dementia has lost track of their timeline, and forgoten that
 a loved one is dead, don't remind them. What's the point of reintroducing that
 kind of pain? Here's the thing they will forget again, and they will ask again.
 You're never, ever, ever, going to "convince them of something permanently
 Instead, do this
 Dad, where do you think mom is?
 When he tells you the answer, repeat that answer to him and assert that it
 sounds correct. For example, it he says, "1 think mom is at work,"say, "Yes, that
 sounds right, I think she must be at work. it he says, 1 think she passed away
 say, Yes, she passed away
 People like the answer that they gave you. Also, it takes you off the hook
 to come up with something" that satisfies them. Then, twenty minutes later
 when they ask where mom is, repeat what they originally told you
 drgaellon
 I support this sentiment. Repeatedly reminding someone with faulty memory that
 a loved one has died isn't a kindness, it's a cruelty. They have to relieve the loss
 every time, even if they don't remember the grief 15 minutes later
 In other words, don't try to impose your timeline on them in order to make
 yourself feel better. Correcting an afflicted dementia patient will not cure them
 They won't magically return to your real world'. No matter how much you might
 want them to.
 It's a kindness of old age, forgetting. Life can be very painful. Don't be the one
 ripping off the bandage every single time
 prismatic-bell
 I used to work as a companion in a nursing home where one of the patients was
 CONVINCED I was her sister, who'd died 40 years earlier. And every time one of
 the nurses said דhat's not Janet, Janet is dead, Alice, remember?" Alice would
 start sobbing
 So finally one day Alice did the whole JANET IS HERE and this nurse rather
 nastily went Janet is dead and before it could go any furtherI said "excuse
 mer?? How dare you say something so horrible to my sister?"
 The nurse was pissed, because I was feeding Alice's delusions. Alice didn't
 have delusions. Alice had Alzheimer's.
 But I made sure it went into Alice's chart that she responded positively to being
 allowed to believe I was Janet. And from that point forward, only my specific
 patient referred to me as-Nina. in front of Alice-everyone else called me Janet.
 and when Alice said my name wasn't Nina I just said "oh, it's a nickname, that's
 all."It kept her calm and happy and not sobbing every time she saw me
 It costs zero dollars (and maybe a little bit of fast thinking) to not be an asshole
 to someone wah Alzheimer's or dementia. Be kind
 I wish I had heard this stuft when Grandma was still here
 satr9
 I read once that you have to treat dementia patilents more like it's improv, like
 you have to take what they say and say to yourself ok, and" and give them
 more of a story to occupy them and not just shut it down with something super
 harsh
 A nurse I used to work with always told us: Tf a man with dementia is trying to
 get out of bed to go to work, don't tell him he's 90 and in a nursing home. Tell
 him it's Sunday and he can stay in bed. If a woman with dementia is trying to
 stand because she wants to get her husband's dinner out of the oven, don't tel
 her he's been dead for 20 years. Tell her you'll do for her and she can sit back
 down
 Always remembered that, always did it. Nothing worse than hearing someone
 with memory loss ask the same question over and over again only to be met
 with: "We already told youl"
 Just tell them again
 steel-phoenix
 I've worked with elderly dementia patients, and I agree with all the above. Treat
 them as you'd like to be treated in the same situation
 ruby-white-rabbit
 Same. I've worked with patients like these and even my grandma was convinced
 for a day that I was my aunt. Just roll with it
 lazulisong
 My go-to response to someone asking if I've seen a dead loved one is "I haven't
 seen them today, but if I do I'll let them know you were looking for them. Cause
 you know what, if I DID see them I wouild tell them, so it always comes out
 sounding truthtul
 Source dementiabyday.com
 99.289 notes
PSA for those whose loved ones have dementia
                
            

            
            
PSA for those whose loved ones have dementia

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story
 So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu
 California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for
 into
 a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house.
 So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing.
 Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out
 all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian
 desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed
 Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini
 marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love
 are
 even if they are si
 In the spirit of going
 alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey
 Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy
 foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad-
 dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in
 the backyard where he makes various cured meats and
 other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional
 manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for
 SO
 Game Hen seasoned that way, for them.
 Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can
 stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular
 stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put
 the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be-
 cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains
 how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal
 as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius.
 Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle
 Cliff s
 after her
 So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit
 high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being
 trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards,
 and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse
 himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement,
 getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic
 groups were destroying America. Being that I had close
 Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of
 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to
 n roughly five times my size.
 Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and
 defending him, or telling us we're rotten children
 for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her
 Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an
 ugly
 mustache
 My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and
 my grandfather limps down to the basement and
 brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in
 spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him.
 Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but
 while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your
 skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up.
 We go upstairs and sit down, and do the
 traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the
 bread gets passed around the table, and things calm
 down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone
 goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves
 it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along
 with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all
 around becuase it looks cool.
 Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting
 up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard
 Munch and shrieks
 OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI
 We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the
 fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way
 had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth
 Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out
 where to begin but since shed been trying to justify
 Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating
 conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going.
 IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN
 ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M
 SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching
 gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her
 chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a
 shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it
 collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and
 kicking her feet like a toddler
 Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs
 heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while
 my grandmother mouths she's not coming back
 Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally
 notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up,
 are assisted by Dad,
 who is saintly patient man and less immune to this
 jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into
 my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle
 ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS
 BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best
 Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the
 catholic church and even considered becoming a priest
 before getting drafted but that's another story)and
 assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the
 room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the
 center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill.
 I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you
 some
 That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her
 ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot
 her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that,
 and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about
 anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the
 most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind.
 Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they
 went home, and the party got underway properly, with
 Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For
 t Turkey has been an
 staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for
 instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE
 to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you
 carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as
 good 2. Share the pictures with me,
Very planned Parenthood
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story
 So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu
 California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for
 into
 a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house.
 So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing.
 Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out
 all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian
 desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed
 Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini
 marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love
 are
 even if they are si
 In the spirit of going
 alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey
 Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy
 foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad-
 dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in
 the backyard where he makes various cured meats and
 other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional
 manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for
 SO
 Game Hen seasoned that way, for them.
 Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can
 stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular
 stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put
 the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be-
 cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains
 how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal
 as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius.
 Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle
 Cliff s
 after her
 So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit
 high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being
 trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards,
 and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse
 himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement,
 getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic
 groups were destroying America. Being that I had close
 Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of
 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to
 n roughly five times my size.
 Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and
 defending him, or telling us we're rotten children
 for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her
 Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an
 ugly
 mustache
 My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and
 my grandfather limps down to the basement and
 brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in
 spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him.
 Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but
 while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your
 skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up.
 We go upstairs and sit down, and do the
 traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the
 bread gets passed around the table, and things calm
 down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone
 goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves
 it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along
 with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all
 around becuase it looks cool.
 Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting
 up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard
 Munch and shrieks
 OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI
 We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the
 fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way
 had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth
 Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out
 where to begin but since shed been trying to justify
 Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating
 conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going.
 IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN
 ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M
 SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching
 gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her
 chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a
 shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it
 collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and
 kicking her feet like a toddler
 Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs
 heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while
 my grandmother mouths she's not coming back
 Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally
 notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up,
 are assisted by Dad,
 who is saintly patient man and less immune to this
 jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into
 my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle
 ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS
 BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best
 Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the
 catholic church and even considered becoming a priest
 before getting drafted but that's another story)and
 assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the
 room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the
 center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill.
 I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you
 some
 That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her
 ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot
 her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that,
 and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about
 anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the
 most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind.
 Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they
 went home, and the party got underway properly, with
 Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For
 t Turkey has been an
 staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for
 instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE
 to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you
 carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as
 good 2. Share the pictures with me,
Very planned Parenthood
                
            

            
            
Very planned Parenthood

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




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Omfg who made this where is this from???

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Tumblr, Blog, and Http: r0rschach:

robotfxckr:
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Omfg who made this where is this from???

                
                

                
            

            
            
r0rschach:

robotfxckr:
Can you hear me sobbing

Omfg who made this where is this from???


            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Tumblr, Blog, and Http: r0rschach:

robotfxckr:
Can you hear me sobbing

Omfg who made this where is this from???

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Tumblr, Blog, and Http: r0rschach:

robotfxckr:
Can you hear me sobbing

Omfg who made this where is this from???

                
                

                
            

            
            
r0rschach:

robotfxckr:
Can you hear me sobbing

Omfg who made this where is this from???