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America, Bad, and Be Like: Lou Ohio I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I'm a 46 year old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was. Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING. I didn't complete my novel, travelling the world, helping the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when i was in my late teens and early twenties. If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. I'll get to how those dreams were crushed soon. Let's start with a description of me when I was 20. It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. People loved me, and I loved people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second, was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book was going to change the world I would show the perspective of the 'bad' and the twisted', showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what the do is wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20.I am still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking around New Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Philippines. Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day God, I can't remember the last time I've made love to my wife Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time, but i can't comprehend it. It doesn't even hurt. She says it's because I've changed. I'm not the person l was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really can't say anything. Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am 1? What happened to me? I didn't even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear asl write this. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realising I have been dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. In university/college too. But i stayed loyal. I didn't explore. I studied every day Remember all that backpacking and book-writingI told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. Now, I save every penny. I don't remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for myself. What do I even want now? My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my promotion. I haven't seen him in 15 years. When he died, I told myself it didn't matter what I didn't see him. I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn't matter anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that financial security was the most important thingInow know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money- making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet. If you're reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please. Don't procrastinate. Don't leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions. Don't stay on the internet with all your spare time (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something with your life while you're young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be like me srsfunny: A Sad But Common Story
America, Bad, and Be Like: Lou
 Ohio
 I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I'm a 46
 year old banker and I have been living my whole life
 the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my
 passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For
 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for
 everything, which eventually changed who I was.
 Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me
 for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I
 realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING. I
 didn't complete my novel, travelling the world, helping
 the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a
 certainty about myself when i was in my late teens
 and early twenties. If my younger self had met me
 today, I would have punched myself in the face. I'll get
 to how those dreams were crushed soon.
 Let's start with a description of me when I was 20. It
 seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to
 change the world. People loved me, and I loved
 people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk
 taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The
 first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second,
 was travelling the world and helping the poor and
 homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by
 then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my
 energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel
 loved. I knew my book was going to change the world
 I would show the perspective of the 'bad' and the
 twisted', showing my viewers that everybody thinks
 differently, that people never think what the do is
 wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20.I am
 still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking
 around New Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to
 do all of Asia, then Europe, then America
 To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the
 Philippines.
 Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest
 regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be
 stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which
 would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life
 in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live
 when the job was my life? After coming home, I would
 eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and
 sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day
 God, I can't remember the last time I've made love to
 my wife
 Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the
 last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time,
 but i can't comprehend it. It doesn't even hurt. She
 says it's because I've changed. I'm not the person l
 was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years?
 Outside of work, I really can't say anything. Not being a
 proper husband. Not being ME. Who am 1? What
 happened to me? I didn't even ask for a divorce, or yell
 at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear asl
 write this. But not because my wife has been cheating
 on me, but because I am now realising I have been
 dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk
 taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to
 change the world? I remember being asked on a date
 by the most popular girl in the school, but declining
 her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the
 girls in high school. In university/college too. But i
 stayed loyal. I didn't explore. I studied every day
 Remember all that backpacking and book-writingI
 told you about? That was all in the first few years of
 college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had
 earned. Now, I save every penny. I don't remember a
 time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for
 myself. What do I even want now?
 My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting
 calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and
 sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of
 a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in
 my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my
 promotion. I haven't seen him in 15 years. When he
 died, I told myself it didn't matter what I didn't see
 him. I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn't matter
 anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing
 everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses
 Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I
 rationalized that financial security was the most
 important thingInow know, that it definitely is not. I
 regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My
 passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over
 my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-
 making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not
 travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for
 my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.
 If you're reading this, and you have a whole life ahead
 of you, please. Don't procrastinate. Don't leave your
 dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions.
 Don't stay on the internet with all your spare time
 (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something
 with your life while you're young. DO NOT settle down
 at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family
 Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like
 I did mine. Do not be like me
srsfunny:

A Sad But Common Story

srsfunny: A Sad But Common Story

Apparently, Bodies , and Children: IG: CONNECTING CONSCIOUSNESS A man named Igor Charkovsky assisted in over 20,000 underwater births. Eventually he begarn experimenting with women giving birth in the ocean. In 1979, when preparing with his team for an underwater birth in the Black Sea, in a few feet of water suddenly three dolphins approached the pregnant woman, pushed everyone out of the way and took over. They scanned the length of her body up and down with sonar, while relaxing the mother and swimming in circles around her. The mother gave birth to the child effortlessly, painlessly and without fear. This began multiple projects with Dolphin-assisted births that spread worldwide. 🐬 @connecting_consciousness 🐬 And 🐬 @connecting.consciousness 🐬 _ Igor Charkovsky, a Russian male mid-wife has assisted in over 20,000 underwater births, but in 1979 he began experiments with dolphins and children. _ His daughter, one of the first modern water-birthers, was in her late twenties when the following incident happened. Charkovsky and his team had taken a woman to the Black Sea for an underwater birth. _ In two feet of water, preparing for the birth, suddenly three dolphins approached, pushed everyone out of the way and took over. They scanned the length of her body (with sonar?), which somehow relaxed the mother and child and gave birth with no pain or fear. _ Apparently all the human midwives were pretty shocked. This opened up the new practice of ‘Dolphin mid-wivery’ which may sound strange, but fits in with the new breed of super-children that are currently coming in to existence. _ For some reason, dolphins are attracted to pregnant women and young children and as most people are aware, the dolphins can also help heal people with mental and psychological problems. But the children, who are being born with the aid of dolphins, at least with the cases documented in Russia, are extraordinary children. _ Most of the have IQ’s of over 150 (genius range again), plus extremely stable emotional bodies and strong physical bodies. They are superior in one way or another. _ Humans are meant to give birth in water. Some three decades of research and the experience of thousands of births has shown that underwater birth is better for the mother and for the baby. The mother is supported by the water which permits her relaxation and easy movement and during delivery of the baby from the womb to water, the buoyancy of the water supports the baby’s brain and protects it at its most vulnerable time. _ RESEARCH: Dolphin Assisted Births - Igor Charkovsky
Apparently, Bodies , and Children: IG: CONNECTING CONSCIOUSNESS
 A man named Igor Charkovsky assisted in over
 20,000 underwater births. Eventually he begarn
 experimenting with women giving birth in the
 ocean. In 1979, when preparing with his team for
 an underwater birth in the Black Sea, in a few feet
 of water suddenly three dolphins approached the
 pregnant woman, pushed everyone out of the way
 and took over. They scanned the length of her body
 up and down with sonar, while relaxing the mother
 and swimming in circles around her. The mother
 gave birth to the child effortlessly, painlessly and
 without fear. This began multiple projects with
 Dolphin-assisted births that spread worldwide.
🐬 @connecting_consciousness 🐬 And 🐬 @connecting.consciousness 🐬 _ Igor Charkovsky, a Russian male mid-wife has assisted in over 20,000 underwater births, but in 1979 he began experiments with dolphins and children. _ His daughter, one of the first modern water-birthers, was in her late twenties when the following incident happened. Charkovsky and his team had taken a woman to the Black Sea for an underwater birth. _ In two feet of water, preparing for the birth, suddenly three dolphins approached, pushed everyone out of the way and took over. They scanned the length of her body (with sonar?), which somehow relaxed the mother and child and gave birth with no pain or fear. _ Apparently all the human midwives were pretty shocked. This opened up the new practice of ‘Dolphin mid-wivery’ which may sound strange, but fits in with the new breed of super-children that are currently coming in to existence. _ For some reason, dolphins are attracted to pregnant women and young children and as most people are aware, the dolphins can also help heal people with mental and psychological problems. But the children, who are being born with the aid of dolphins, at least with the cases documented in Russia, are extraordinary children. _ Most of the have IQ’s of over 150 (genius range again), plus extremely stable emotional bodies and strong physical bodies. They are superior in one way or another. _ Humans are meant to give birth in water. Some three decades of research and the experience of thousands of births has shown that underwater birth is better for the mother and for the baby. The mother is supported by the water which permits her relaxation and easy movement and during delivery of the baby from the womb to water, the buoyancy of the water supports the baby’s brain and protects it at its most vulnerable time. _ RESEARCH: Dolphin Assisted Births - Igor Charkovsky

🐬 @connecting_consciousness 🐬 And 🐬 @connecting.consciousness 🐬 _ Igor Charkovsky, a Russian male mid-wife has assisted in over 20,000 under...

Dove, Funny, and Head: Language Matters Why English is so hard to learn 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid in his hospital bed. Marlene Davis YOU think English is easy? Check out the following. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen about who would row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 14. The buck does funny things when the does (females) are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 2. The farm was cultivated to produce produce. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 3. The dump was so full that the workers had to refuse more refuse. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail around the mast. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture shown at the store. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 18. Upon seeing the tear in her painting she shed a tear. 19.I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 6. The soldier decided to desert his tasty dessert in the desert. 20. How can I intimate this to my 7. Since there is no time like the pres- ent, he thought it was time to present the present to his girlfriend 8. A bass was painted on the head of 9. When shot at, the dove dove into 10. I did not object to the object most intimate friend? Heteronyms or homographs are words of like These are brilliant. Homone the bass drum. the bushes. which he showed me. spelling, but with more than one meaning and sound. When pronounced differently they are known as heteronyms I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.
Dove, Funny, and Head: Language Matters
 Why English is
 so hard to learn
 11. The insurance was invalid for the
 invalid in his hospital bed.
 Marlene Davis
 YOU think English
 is easy? Check out
 the following.
 12. There was a row among the
 oarsmen about who would row.
 13. They were too close to the door
 to close it.
 1. The bandage
 was wound around
 the wound.
 14. The buck does funny things when
 the does (females) are present.
 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell
 down into a sewer line.
 2. The farm was cultivated to produce
 produce.
 16. To help with planting, the farmer
 taught his sow to sow.
 3. The dump was so full that the
 workers had to refuse more refuse.
 17. The wind was too strong to wind
 the sail around the mast.
 4. We must polish the Polish furniture
 shown at the store.
 5. He could lead if he would get the
 lead out.
 18. Upon seeing the tear in her
 painting she shed a tear.
 19.I had to subject the subject to a
 series of tests.
 6. The soldier decided to desert his
 tasty dessert in the desert.
 20. How can I intimate this to my
 7. Since there is no time like the pres-
 ent, he thought it was time to present the
 present to his girlfriend
 8. A bass was painted on the head of
 9. When shot at, the dove dove into
 10. I did not object to the object
 most intimate friend?
 Heteronyms
 or homographs are words of like
 These are brilliant. Homone
 the bass drum.
 the bushes.
 which he showed me.
 spelling, but with more than one
 meaning and sound.
 When pronounced differently
 they are known as heteronyms
I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.

I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.

Dove, Funny, and Head: Language Matters Why English is so hard to learn 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid in his hospital bed. Marlene Davis YOU think English is easy? Check out the following. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen about who would row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 14. The buck does funny things when the does (females) are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 2. The farm was cultivated to produce produce. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 3. The dump was so full that the workers had to refuse more refuse. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail around the mast. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture shown at the store. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 18. Upon seeing the tear in her painting she shed a tear. 19.I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 6. The soldier decided to desert his tasty dessert in the desert. 20. How can I intimate this to my 7. Since there is no time like the pres- ent, he thought it was time to present the present to his girlfriend 8. A bass was painted on the head of 9. When shot at, the dove dove into 10. I did not object to the object most intimate friend? Heteronyms or homographs are words of like These are brilliant. Homone the bass drum. the bushes. which he showed me. spelling, but with more than one meaning and sound. When pronounced differently they are known as heteronyms I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.
Dove, Funny, and Head: Language Matters
 Why English is
 so hard to learn
 11. The insurance was invalid for the
 invalid in his hospital bed.
 Marlene Davis
 YOU think English
 is easy? Check out
 the following.
 12. There was a row among the
 oarsmen about who would row.
 13. They were too close to the door
 to close it.
 1. The bandage
 was wound around
 the wound.
 14. The buck does funny things when
 the does (females) are present.
 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell
 down into a sewer line.
 2. The farm was cultivated to produce
 produce.
 16. To help with planting, the farmer
 taught his sow to sow.
 3. The dump was so full that the
 workers had to refuse more refuse.
 17. The wind was too strong to wind
 the sail around the mast.
 4. We must polish the Polish furniture
 shown at the store.
 5. He could lead if he would get the
 lead out.
 18. Upon seeing the tear in her
 painting she shed a tear.
 19.I had to subject the subject to a
 series of tests.
 6. The soldier decided to desert his
 tasty dessert in the desert.
 20. How can I intimate this to my
 7. Since there is no time like the pres-
 ent, he thought it was time to present the
 present to his girlfriend
 8. A bass was painted on the head of
 9. When shot at, the dove dove into
 10. I did not object to the object
 most intimate friend?
 Heteronyms
 or homographs are words of like
 These are brilliant. Homone
 the bass drum.
 the bushes.
 which he showed me.
 spelling, but with more than one
 meaning and sound.
 When pronounced differently
 they are known as heteronyms
I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.

I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.

Dove, Funny, and Head: Language Matters Why English is so hard to learn 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid in his hospital bed. Marlene Davis YOU think English is easy? Check out the following. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen about who would row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 14. The buck does funny things when the does (females) are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 2. The farm was cultivated to produce produce. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 3. The dump was so full that the workers had to refuse more refuse. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail around the mast. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture shown at the store. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 18. Upon seeing the tear in her painting she shed a tear. 19.I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 6. The soldier decided to desert his tasty dessert in the desert. 20. How can I intimate this to my 7. Since there is no time like the pres- ent, he thought it was time to present the present to his girlfriend 8. A bass was painted on the head of 9. When shot at, the dove dove into 10. I did not object to the object most intimate friend? Heteronyms or homographs are words of like These are brilliant. Homone the bass drum. the bushes. which he showed me. spelling, but with more than one meaning and sound. When pronounced differently they are known as heteronyms I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.
Dove, Funny, and Head: Language Matters
 Why English is
 so hard to learn
 11. The insurance was invalid for the
 invalid in his hospital bed.
 Marlene Davis
 YOU think English
 is easy? Check out
 the following.
 12. There was a row among the
 oarsmen about who would row.
 13. They were too close to the door
 to close it.
 1. The bandage
 was wound around
 the wound.
 14. The buck does funny things when
 the does (females) are present.
 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell
 down into a sewer line.
 2. The farm was cultivated to produce
 produce.
 16. To help with planting, the farmer
 taught his sow to sow.
 3. The dump was so full that the
 workers had to refuse more refuse.
 17. The wind was too strong to wind
 the sail around the mast.
 4. We must polish the Polish furniture
 shown at the store.
 5. He could lead if he would get the
 lead out.
 18. Upon seeing the tear in her
 painting she shed a tear.
 19.I had to subject the subject to a
 series of tests.
 6. The soldier decided to desert his
 tasty dessert in the desert.
 20. How can I intimate this to my
 7. Since there is no time like the pres-
 ent, he thought it was time to present the
 present to his girlfriend
 8. A bass was painted on the head of
 9. When shot at, the dove dove into
 10. I did not object to the object
 most intimate friend?
 Heteronyms
 or homographs are words of like
 These are brilliant. Homone
 the bass drum.
 the bushes.
 which he showed me.
 spelling, but with more than one
 meaning and sound.
 When pronounced differently
 they are known as heteronyms
I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.

I’m not sure why anyone would desert their tasty dessert in the desert.. but you get the point.

Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

Being Alone, American Horror Story, and Blessed: I was starving my Sim and he sneakily called up for a pizza. When it was delivered I made him throw it in the garbage. Then he cried Breddit My teenage son decided waking up to his alarm and getting on the school bus was unimportant. So l locked him in a 1x1 room until he peed himself and died in the puddle. reddit Every time I play, I start with a "painting goblin." I make him morbidly obese with green skin. I make sure he has the following traits: likes to be alone, loves art, hates the outdoors. The first thing I do once l have enough money is build a small room in the basement, send him down there, and remove the stairs. I set him up in a tiny little area with only an easel, toilet, refrigerator, bed, shower, and trashcan. All he does all day is paint. That's it. He paints and paints and paints and paints. Eventually, his paintings become very good and worth a lot of money. Every few minutes I go downstairs and sel whatever painting he has finished, and then I return to playing the game. My family always ends up feeling very blessed because of their fortune, and they never find out about the horrible secret living beneath their home. reddit So, in my most recent Sims playthrough, I found this girl that I really wanted my Sim to marry. Problem is she already had a husband, so rather than just doing the (relatively) normal thing and convincing her to break up with him, I instead became best friends with her husband, convinced him to move in with me, and then drowned him in a pool so l could marry his wife. Then I moved in with his wife (who lived in a HUGE mansion) and killed the rest of her family because l didn't feel like taking care of the other Sims that she lived with but I still wanted the house. reddit One time l killed a Sim by drowning. Then I made everyone show up to his funeral in swimwear. reddit franklycats: American Horror Story: Sims
Being Alone, American Horror Story, and Blessed: I was starving my Sim and he sneakily called up for
 a pizza. When it was delivered I made him throw it
 in the garbage. Then he cried
 Breddit

 My teenage son decided waking up to his alarm and
 getting on the school bus was unimportant. So l
 locked him in a 1x1 room until he peed himself and
 died in the puddle.
 reddit

 Every time I play, I start with a "painting goblin." I
 make him morbidly obese with green skin. I make
 sure he has the following traits: likes to be alone,
 loves art, hates the outdoors. The first thing I do
 once l have enough money is build a small room in
 the basement, send him down there, and remove
 the stairs. I set him up in a tiny little area with only
 an easel, toilet, refrigerator, bed, shower, and
 trashcan. All he does all day is paint. That's it. He
 paints and paints and paints and paints. Eventually,
 his paintings become very good and worth a lot of
 money. Every few minutes I go downstairs and sel
 whatever painting he has finished, and then I return
 to playing the game.
 My family always ends up feeling very blessed
 because of their fortune, and they never find out
 about the horrible secret living beneath their
 home.
 reddit

 So, in my most recent Sims playthrough, I found this
 girl that I really wanted my Sim to marry. Problem
 is she already had a husband, so rather than just
 doing the (relatively) normal thing and convincing
 her to break up with him, I instead became best
 friends with her husband, convinced him to move in
 with me, and then drowned him in a pool so l could
 marry his wife.
 Then I moved in with his wife (who lived in a HUGE
 mansion) and killed the rest of her family because l
 didn't feel like taking care of the other Sims that
 she lived with but I still wanted the house.
 reddit

 One time l killed a Sim by drowning. Then I made
 everyone show up to his funeral in swimwear.
 reddit
franklycats:
American Horror Story: Sims

franklycats: American Horror Story: Sims

America, Beautiful, and Crying: THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR APPROPRIATE AUDIENCES BY THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, INC. www.filmratings.com www.mpaa.org itsyaspacemom: gay-emo-quotes: jackjames-exe: fanders-family-tree: analogical-trash: samthekoalabear: impulesiveroleplay: ikilihayir: sushinfood: knockoutliers: boost boost boost boost boost oh my god this is such an important movie oh my god im shaking so hard and crying i hadn’t seen the trailer until tonight like i’d heard so much naysaying from tumblr users who just dont understand how good how progressive how fucking progressive everything about this fucking movie is it needs to be received now. this movie could have spared me YEARS of pain. me and thousands of others like me. i’m in shock, i’m shaking, oh my fucking god there’s a movie about me and it’s beautiful, i can find myself in a character this is amazing Boost the fuck! GUYS @prinxietys @analogical-trash @thatsthat24 Omg yessssss This isn’t actually a misreblog, but this needs to be boosted because it’s so hecking awesome and everyone deserves to see this movie ❤️ I’m actually bawling this is so important and beautiful Theres a movie about being transgender About being a transgender man About family About the struggles that come with it This is so important This is amazing This is beautiful It wasn’t loading so I was like ?? What is it and I was getting excited then I just saw a clip of him doing sit ups and I went THREE GENERATIONSSS This movie is so wonderful omg guys I thought this is on netflix but YES! THIS!!! BOOST THIS!! @vldrocketeer @itsyaspacedad
America, Beautiful, and Crying: THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR
 APPROPRIATE AUDIENCES
 BY THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, INC.
 www.filmratings.com
 www.mpaa.org
itsyaspacemom:
gay-emo-quotes:


jackjames-exe:


fanders-family-tree:

analogical-trash:

samthekoalabear:


impulesiveroleplay:

ikilihayir:

sushinfood:

knockoutliers:

boost boost boost boost boost

oh my god this is such an important movie oh my god
im shaking so hard
and crying
i hadn’t seen the trailer until tonight like
i’d heard so much naysaying from tumblr users who just
dont understand
how good
how progressive
how fucking progressive everything about this fucking movie is
it needs to be received
now.
this movie could have spared me YEARS of pain. me and thousands of others like me.


i’m in shock, i’m shaking, oh my fucking god there’s a movie about me and it’s beautiful, i can find myself in a character this is amazing


Boost the fuck!

GUYS
@prinxietys @analogical-trash @thatsthat24 


Omg yessssss


This isn’t actually a misreblog, but this needs to be boosted because it’s so hecking awesome and everyone deserves to see this movie ❤️


I’m actually bawling this is so important and beautiful
Theres a movie about being transgender 
About being a transgender man
About family
About the struggles that come with it
This is so important 
This is amazing 
This is beautiful 


It wasn’t loading so I was like ?? What is it and I was getting excited then I just saw a clip of him doing sit ups and I went THREE GENERATIONSSS
This movie is so wonderful omg guys 


I thought this is on netflix but YES! THIS!!! BOOST THIS!! 
@vldrocketeer @itsyaspacedad

itsyaspacemom: gay-emo-quotes: jackjames-exe: fanders-family-tree: analogical-trash: samthekoalabear: impulesiveroleplay: ikilihayi...

Anaconda, Anna, and Children: Swedish Christmas Goat Burned Down for 27th Time a EXPAND just-a-sideblog: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: naniyou: naniyou: forthegothicheroine: sylvysparrow: cindehella: lord-kitschener: arealliveghost: stillvisions: maybenotboring: and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a giant flammable goat this year” They tried fireproofing. And armed guards. And fences, and cameras… Sadly the wikipedia page has been cut down by super srs folks to remove all the awesome Keystone cops tales of the goat’s history (emphasis added by me) 1966 Stig Gavlén came up with the idea of a giant goat made out of straw. But it turned out that Gavlén organisation did not have enough funding for the goat. Then Harry Ström, who at that time was the chairman of the Södra Kungsgatan Ideella Förening (a non-profit society), decided to pay the whole cost for the goat out of his own pocket. The goat stood until midnight of New Year’s Eve, when it went up in flames. The perpetrator, who was from Hofors,Gästrikland, was found and convicted of vandalism. The first goat was insured and Ström got all his money back. 1967 Nothing happened. 1968 The goat survived. A fence was built around the goat. Previously it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat. In subsequent years the inside of the goat was protected by a chicken-wire net. 1969 The goat was burnt down on New Year’s Eve. 1970 The goat was burnt down only six hours after it was assembled. Two very drunk teenagers were connected with the crime. With help from several financial contributors the goat was reassembled out of lake reed. 1971 The Southern Merchants got tired of their goats being burned and stopped building the goat. The Natural Science Club (Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen:NF) from the School of Vasa (Vasaskolan) took over.  1972 The goat collapsed because of sabotage. 1973 N/A 1974 Burnt. 1975 N/A 1976 Hit by a car. 1977 N/A 1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces. 1979 The goat was burnt even before it was erected. A new one was built and fireproofed. It was destroyed and broken into pieces. 1980 Burnt down on Christmas Eve. 1981 Nothing happened. 1982 Burnt down on Lucia (13 December). 1983 The legs were destroyed. 1984 Burnt down on 12 December, the night before Lucia. 1985 The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the Gävle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January. 1986 The merchants of Gävle decided they were willing to build the goat once again. From 1986 on two goats were built, the Southern Merchants’ and the School of Vasa’s. The big goat burnt down the night before Christmas Eve. 1987 A heavily fireproofed goat was built. It got burnt down a week before Christmas.[21] 1988 Nothing happened to the goat, but gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers. 1989 Again, the goat burnt down before it was assembled. Financial contributions from the public were raised to rebuild a goat that was burnt down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built, this time for the shooting of a Swedish motion picture called Black Jack. 1990 Nothing happened. The goat was guarded by many volunteers. 1991 The goat was joined by an advertising sled, that turned out to be illegally built. On the morning of Christmas Eve the goat was burnt down. It was later rebuilt to be taken to Stockholm as a part of a protest campaign against the closing of the I 14 Infantry Regiment. 1992 The goat was burnt down eight days after it was built. The Natural Science Club’s goat burnt down the same night. The Southern Merchants’ goat was rebuilt, but burned down on 20 December. The perpetrator of the three attacks was caught and sent to jail. The Goat Committee was founded in 1992. 1993 Once more the goat was featured in the Guinness Book of Records, the School of Vasa’s goat measured 14.9 metres (49 ft). The goat was guarded by taxis and the Swedish Home Guard. Nothing happened. 1994 Nothing happened. The goat followed the Swedish national hockey team to Italy for the World Championship in hockey. 1995 A Norwegian was arrested for attempting to burn down the goat. Burnt down on the morning of Christmas Day. Rebuilt to be standing before the 550th anniversary of Gävle county. 1996 The first time the goat was guarded by webcams, nothing happened. 1997 Damaged by fireworks. The Natural Science Club’s goat was attacked too, but survived with minor damage. 1998 Burnt down on 11 December, even though there was a major blizzard. Was rebuilt. 1999 Burnt down only a couple of hours after it was erected. Rebuilt again before Lucia. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burnt down as well. 2000 Burnt down a couple of days before New Year’s Eve. The Natural Science Club’s goat got tossed in the Gävle river. 2001 Goat set on fire on 23 December by Lawrence Jones, a 51-year-old visitor from Cleveland, Ohio, who spent 18 days in jail and was subsequently convicted and ordered to pay 100,000 Swedish kronor in damages. The court confiscated Jones’s cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he was no “goat burner”, and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition. After Jones was released from jail he went straight back to the US without paying his fine. As of 2006 it was still unpaid. The Natural Science Club’s goat was also burnt down. 2002 A 22 year old from Stockholm tried to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire, but failed, the goat receiving only minor damage. On Lucia the goat was guarded by Swedish radio and TV personality Gert Fylking. 2003 Burnt down on 12 December. 2004 Burnt 21 December, only three days before Christmas Eve. The fire brigade quickly arrived on the scene, but the goat could not be saved. No new goat was built. 2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December. Reconstructed on 5 December. The hunt for the arsonist responsible for the goat-burning in 2005 was featured on the weekly Swedish live broadcast TV3’s “Most Wanted“ (”Efterlyst”) on 8 December. 2006 On the night of 15 December at 03:00, someone tried to set fire to the goat by dousing the right front leg in petrol (gasoline). The red ribbon on that leg was slightly burned and fell off. The lower part of the right leg was scorched, but the rest of the goat failed to light. The leg was repaired that morning. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burned at about 00:40 on 20 December; the vandals were not seen and got away. On the night of 25 December, a drunken man managed to climb up on the goat. Before the police arrived on the scene the man climbed down and disappeared. He did not try to set fire to the goat. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived New Year’s Eve and was taken down on 2 January. It is now stored in a secret location. 2007 The Natural Science Club’s goat was toppled on 13 December and was burned on the night of 24 December. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived. 2008 10,000 people turned out for the inauguration of one of the goats. No back-up goat was built to replace the main goat should the worst happen, nor was the goat treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the Goat-committee said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). On 16 December the Natural Science Club’s Goat was vandalised and later removed. On 26 December there was an attempt to burn down the Southern Merchants’ Goat but patriotic passers-by managed to extinguish the fire. The following day the goat finally succumbed to the flames ignited by an unknown assailant at 03:50 CET. 2009 A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club’s goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club’s goat utilizing a truck the night of 14 December.[36] On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back.[37] The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by aDoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.[38] 2010 On the night of 2 December, arsonists made an unsuccessful attempt to burn the Natural Science Club’s goat.[39] On 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011. 2011 The inauguration of the goat took place on 27 November. The fire-fighters of Gävle sprayed the goat with water to create a coating of ice in the hope of protecting it from arson. The goat was burnt down in the early morning of 2 December. 2012 The inauguration of the goat took place on 2 December. It was burnt just ten days later in the hours before midnight of 12 December, one day before Lucia. 2013 As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack. The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. But despite the anti-flammable liquids the goat was burnt down on the early morning of December 21. Any history of plots involving a DDoS attack on the security cameras, a plot to steal it with a helicopter and flaming arrows shot by people dressed as Santa and the Gingerbread man is just plain hilarious in my book. I’m laughing so much about this goat. obviously if you build something big enough people are going to have sex in it and burn it down. obviously what the fuck is going on in sweden how will the saga continue this year fascinating The saga of the goat is the best part of the season. For those curious about 2015′s goat: It’s that time of year again 2016: Burned within hours of being built 2017: Survived 2018: Nothing yet… WILL THE GOAT LIVE THIS YEAR Best tumblr meme
Anaconda, Anna, and Children: Swedish Christmas Goat Burned Down for
 27th Time
 a EXPAND
just-a-sideblog:
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

naniyou:

naniyou:

forthegothicheroine:

sylvysparrow:

cindehella:

lord-kitschener:

arealliveghost:

stillvisions:

maybenotboring:
and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a giant flammable goat this year”
They tried fireproofing. And armed guards. And fences, and cameras… Sadly the wikipedia page has been cut down by super srs folks to remove all the awesome Keystone cops tales of the goat’s history (emphasis added by me)

1966 Stig Gavlén came up with the idea of a giant goat made out of straw. But it turned out that Gavlén organisation did not have enough funding for the goat. Then Harry Ström, who at that time was the chairman of the Södra Kungsgatan Ideella Förening (a non-profit society), decided to pay the whole cost for the goat out of his own pocket. The goat stood until midnight of New Year’s Eve, when it went up in flames. The perpetrator, who was from Hofors,Gästrikland, was found and convicted of vandalism. The first goat was insured and Ström got all his money back.

1967 Nothing happened.

1968 The goat survived. A fence was built around the goat. Previously it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat. In subsequent years the inside of the goat was protected by a chicken-wire net.

1969 The goat was burnt down on New Year’s Eve.

1970 The goat was burnt down only six hours after it was assembled. Two very drunk teenagers were connected with the crime. With help from several financial contributors the goat was reassembled out of lake reed.

1971 The Southern Merchants got tired of their goats being burned and stopped building the goat. The Natural Science Club (Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen:NF) from the School of Vasa (Vasaskolan) took over. 

1972 The goat collapsed because of sabotage.

1973 N/A

1974 Burnt.

1975 N/A

1976 Hit by a car.

1977 N/A

1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces.

1979 The goat was burnt even before it was erected. A new one was built and fireproofed. It was destroyed and broken into pieces.

1980 Burnt down on Christmas Eve.

1981 Nothing happened.

1982 Burnt down on Lucia (13 December).

1983 The legs were destroyed.

1984 Burnt down on 12 December, the night before Lucia.

1985 The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the Gävle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January.

1986 The merchants of Gävle decided they were willing to build the goat once again. From 1986 on two goats were built, the Southern Merchants’ and the School of Vasa’s. The big goat burnt down the night before Christmas Eve.

1987 A heavily fireproofed goat was built. It got burnt down a week before Christmas.[21]

1988 Nothing happened to the goat, but gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers.

1989 Again, the goat burnt down before it was assembled. Financial contributions from the public were raised to rebuild a goat that was burnt down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built, this time for the shooting of a Swedish motion picture called Black Jack.

1990 Nothing happened. The goat was guarded by many volunteers.

1991 The goat was joined by an advertising sled, that turned out to be illegally built. On the morning of Christmas Eve the goat was burnt down. It was later rebuilt to be taken to Stockholm as a part of a protest campaign against the closing of the I 14 Infantry Regiment.

1992 The goat was burnt down eight days after it was built. The Natural Science Club’s goat burnt down the same night. The Southern Merchants’ goat was rebuilt, but burned down on 20 December. The perpetrator of the three attacks was caught and sent to jail. The Goat Committee was founded in 1992.

1993 Once more the goat was featured in the Guinness Book of Records, the School of Vasa’s goat measured 14.9 metres (49 ft). The goat was guarded by taxis and the Swedish Home Guard. Nothing happened.

1994 Nothing happened. The goat followed the Swedish national hockey team to Italy for the World Championship in hockey.

1995 A Norwegian was arrested for attempting to burn down the goat. Burnt down on the morning of Christmas Day. Rebuilt to be standing before the 550th anniversary of Gävle county.

1996 The first time the goat was guarded by webcams, nothing happened.

1997 Damaged by fireworks. The Natural Science Club’s goat was attacked too, but survived with minor damage.

1998 Burnt down on 11 December, even though there was a major blizzard. Was rebuilt.

1999 Burnt down only a couple of hours after it was erected. Rebuilt again before Lucia. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burnt down as well.

2000 Burnt down a couple of days before New Year’s Eve. The Natural Science Club’s goat got tossed in the Gävle river.

2001 Goat set on fire on 23 December by Lawrence Jones, a 51-year-old visitor from Cleveland, Ohio, who spent 18 days in jail and was subsequently convicted and ordered to pay 100,000 Swedish kronor in damages. The court confiscated Jones’s cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he was no “goat burner”, and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition. After Jones was released from jail he went straight back to the US without paying his fine. As of 2006 it was still unpaid. The Natural Science Club’s goat was also burnt down.

2002 A 22 year old from Stockholm tried to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire, but failed, the goat receiving only minor damage. On Lucia the goat was guarded by Swedish radio and TV personality Gert Fylking.

2003 Burnt down on 12 December.

2004 Burnt 21 December, only three days before Christmas Eve. The fire brigade quickly arrived on the scene, but the goat could not be saved. No new goat was built.

2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December. Reconstructed on 5 December. The hunt for the arsonist responsible for the goat-burning in 2005 was featured on the weekly Swedish live broadcast TV3’s “Most Wanted“ (”Efterlyst”) on 8 December.

2006 On the night of 15 December at 03:00, someone tried to set fire to the goat by dousing the right front leg in petrol (gasoline). The red ribbon on that leg was slightly burned and fell off. The lower part of the right leg was scorched, but the rest of the goat failed to light. The leg was repaired that morning. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burned at about 00:40 on 20 December; the vandals were not seen and got away. On the night of 25 December, a drunken man managed to climb up on the goat. Before the police arrived on the scene the man climbed down and disappeared. He did not try to set fire to the goat. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived New Year’s Eve and was taken down on 2 January. It is now stored in a secret location.

2007 The Natural Science Club’s goat was toppled on 13 December and was burned on the night of 24 December. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived.

2008 10,000 people turned out for the inauguration of one of the goats. No back-up goat was built to replace the main goat should the worst happen, nor was the goat treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the Goat-committee said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). On 16 December the Natural Science Club’s Goat was vandalised and later removed. On 26 December there was an attempt to burn down the Southern Merchants’ Goat but patriotic passers-by managed to extinguish the fire. The following day the goat finally succumbed to the flames ignited by an unknown assailant at 03:50 CET.

2009 A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club’s goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club’s goat utilizing a truck the night of 14 December.[36] On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back.[37] The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by aDoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.[38]

2010 On the night of 2 December, arsonists made an unsuccessful attempt to burn the Natural Science Club’s goat.[39] On 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011.

2011 The inauguration of the goat took place on 27 November. The fire-fighters of Gävle sprayed the goat with water to create a coating of ice in the hope of protecting it from arson. The goat was burnt down in the early morning of 2 December.

2012 The inauguration of the goat took place on 2 December. It was burnt just ten days later in the hours before midnight of 12 December, one day before Lucia.

2013 As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack. The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. But despite the anti-flammable liquids the goat was burnt down on the early morning of December 21.
Any history of plots involving a DDoS attack on the security cameras, a plot to steal it with a helicopter and flaming arrows shot by people dressed as Santa and the Gingerbread man is just plain hilarious in my book.

I’m laughing so much about this goat. obviously if you build something big enough people are going to have sex in it and burn it down. obviously

what the fuck is going on in sweden

how will the saga continue this year

fascinating

The saga of the goat is the best part of the season.

For those curious about 2015′s goat:









It’s that time of year again
2016: Burned within hours of being built
2017: Survived
2018: Nothing yet…

WILL THE GOAT LIVE THIS YEAR


Best tumblr meme

just-a-sideblog: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: naniyou: naniyou: forthegothicheroine: sylvysparrow: cindehella: lord-kitschener: areall...