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The Narrator: via VERY FAST DELIVERY nly two things are more hazardous than writing to me during these times. They are eating mussels in July and receiving a rep y from mc, both of which may leave you feverish, shaking, and alone. However, it c n also be very uncomfortable to wait day a ter day for a reply that never comes, as I have since my last letter to a dear fried Consequ ntly. I m sending you a lette containing Very Few Details. Accept my hum le thanks and fervent wishes for your continued safety. as well as the safet of the familiar-looking neighbor with whom you have never spoken. With all due respect, Lemony Snickt jesstheespeon: explainingthejoke: popsicle-prince: dark-clifford: pooguns: frenchtugboat: bowieonthebelafonte: When i was 10, I sent a letter to Lemony Snicket. I didn’t receive a personal reply, but I got one of these. 7 years later I realized that there’s a message ABORT MISSION This is fucking scary I dont get it.. @explainingthejoke The images are of a reply from Lemony Snicket, an author known for his A Series of Unfortunate Events, a book series aimed at older children. The reply is written in the voice of his narrator character. The narrator shares his pen name and frequently writes in vague references to the reader, who is included in the mystery as the correspondent to whom Lemony Snicket is sending his information. The reply is titled “via VERY FAST DELIVERY.” The letters V.F.D. play a big part in the series. The note reads:  nly two things are more hazardous than writing to me during these times. They are eating mussels in July and receiving a rep y from me, both of which may leave you feverish, shaking, and alone. However, it c n also be very uncomfortable to wait day a ter day for a reply that never comes, as I have since my last letter to a dear frie d. Consequ ntly, I am sending you a lette  containing Very Few Details. Accept my humble thanks and fervent wishes for your continued safety, as well as the safety of the familiar-looking neighbor with whom you have never spoken. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Several letters from this note are deliberately missing. If the reader wrote down each letter that was missing, they would spell out: OLAF NEARBY Count Olaf is the major villain in the series. Lemony Snicket is writing in code, suggesting that he can’t be candid because Olaf may be observing him or the reader. Creepy! This isn’t a joke. It is just cute. Dear reader, I sincerely hope you don’t have a sizable family fortune lying about.
The Narrator: via VERY FAST DELIVERY

 nly two things are more hazardous than writing to me during these times. They are
 eating mussels in July and receiving a rep y from mc, both of which may leave you
 feverish, shaking, and alone.
 However, it c n also be very uncomfortable to wait day a ter day for a reply that
 never comes, as I have since my last letter to a dear fried
 Consequ ntly. I m sending you a lette containing Very Few Details.
 Accept my hum le thanks and fervent wishes for your continued safety. as well as the
 safet of the familiar-looking neighbor with whom you have never spoken.
 With all due respect,
 Lemony Snickt
jesstheespeon:

explainingthejoke:

popsicle-prince:

dark-clifford:

pooguns:

frenchtugboat:

bowieonthebelafonte:

When i was 10, I sent a letter to Lemony Snicket. I didn’t receive a personal reply, but I got one of these. 7 years later I realized that there’s a message

ABORT MISSION

This is fucking scary

I dont get it..


@explainingthejoke

The images are of a reply from Lemony Snicket, an author known for his A Series of Unfortunate Events, a book series aimed at older children. The reply is written in the voice of his narrator character. The narrator shares his pen name and frequently writes in vague references to the reader, who is included in the mystery as the correspondent to whom Lemony Snicket is sending his information. 
The reply is titled “via VERY FAST DELIVERY.” The letters V.F.D. play a big part in the series. The note reads: 

 nly two things are more hazardous than writing to me during these times. They are eating mussels in July and receiving a rep y from me, both of which may leave you feverish, shaking, and alone. 
However, it c n also be very uncomfortable to wait day a ter day for a reply that never comes, as I have since my last letter to a dear frie d. 
Consequ ntly, I am sending you a lette  containing Very Few Details. 
Accept my humble thanks and fervent wishes for your continued safety, as well as the safety of the familiar-looking neighbor with whom you have never spoken. 
With all due respect, 
Lemony Snicket 

Several letters from this note are deliberately missing. If the reader wrote down each letter that was missing, they would spell out: OLAF NEARBY 
Count Olaf is the major villain in the series. Lemony Snicket is writing in code, suggesting that he can’t be candid because Olaf may be observing him or the reader. Creepy!
This isn’t a joke. It is just cute.


Dear reader, I sincerely hope you don’t have a sizable family fortune lying about.

jesstheespeon: explainingthejoke: popsicle-prince: dark-clifford: pooguns: frenchtugboat: bowieonthebelafonte: When i was 10, I se...

The Narrator: bugeyedfreaks: gfanz4ever: This has got to be my favorite ending to any episode of all time.  The ridiculousness of it all. The narrator. The voice crack. I weep at this perfection.
The Narrator: bugeyedfreaks:
gfanz4ever:

This has got to be my favorite ending to any episode of all time. 
The ridiculousness of it all.
The narrator.
The voice crack.

I weep at this perfection.

bugeyedfreaks: gfanz4ever: This has got to be my favorite ending to any episode of all time.  The ridiculousness of it all. The narrator...

The Narrator: 78 . Merry Christmas Eve Gothamites! Looking for the perfect modern Batman tale to read in honor of the holiday? Then Lee Bermejo's one shot graphic novel 'Batman: Noël' is the one for you! Written and illustrated by Bermejo with interior art by Barbara Ciardo (colors) and Todd Klein (letters), the late 2011 story mixes Batman lore and elements from Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol". Taking place during Christmas in Gotham City, Batman tracks down a struggling worker wrapped up in a Joker scheme named Bob Cratchit. With no intel, Batman lets him go but places a tracker on him. While in the Batcave coughing from an apparent cold, Bruce watches Bob and his son Tim in their home with a surveillance camera, wanting to arrest him now. But his butler Alfred reminds him having his son involved can lead to drastic consequences, as he experienced with the late Jason Todd (represented by Jacob Marley). Then, Batman responds to the sudden Bat-Signal, where Commissioner Gordon tells Batman that Catwoman (the Ghost of Christmas Past) has information about the Joker, but demands that she only talks to Batman. Confronting Catwoman, Batman discovers that she was lying and they reminisce about old times together. After their encounter, Batman is confronted by Superman (the Ghost of Christmas Present), who after using his x-ray vision on Batman, discovers he is coming down with pneumonia, but Batman ignores his concern. Returning to his Batmobile, the vehicle explodes and knocks out the Caped Crusader. The Joker (the Ghost of Christmas Future) arrives and drags Batman's body to the Gotham cemetery and buries him alive. While buried, Batman suffers visions of Gotham in chaos after his death and reflects on his own grim black and white view of the world since Jason Todd passed. Digging himself free, Batman saves Bob and Tim from Joker. Temped to kill Joker, Batman talks Bob out of it to be a good representation for his son. Refusing to kill him and the Joker arrested, Bruce Wayne gives Bob a raise and a better Christmas Tree. In the end the narrator reveals himself to be Bob, asking his son Tim the moral of the story. We'll have more Batman Christmas stories tomorrow so stay tuned!
The Narrator: 78 .
Merry Christmas Eve Gothamites! Looking for the perfect modern Batman tale to read in honor of the holiday? Then Lee Bermejo's one shot graphic novel 'Batman: Noël' is the one for you! Written and illustrated by Bermejo with interior art by Barbara Ciardo (colors) and Todd Klein (letters), the late 2011 story mixes Batman lore and elements from Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol". Taking place during Christmas in Gotham City, Batman tracks down a struggling worker wrapped up in a Joker scheme named Bob Cratchit. With no intel, Batman lets him go but places a tracker on him. While in the Batcave coughing from an apparent cold, Bruce watches Bob and his son Tim in their home with a surveillance camera, wanting to arrest him now. But his butler Alfred reminds him having his son involved can lead to drastic consequences, as he experienced with the late Jason Todd (represented by Jacob Marley). Then, Batman responds to the sudden Bat-Signal, where Commissioner Gordon tells Batman that Catwoman (the Ghost of Christmas Past) has information about the Joker, but demands that she only talks to Batman. Confronting Catwoman, Batman discovers that she was lying and they reminisce about old times together. After their encounter, Batman is confronted by Superman (the Ghost of Christmas Present), who after using his x-ray vision on Batman, discovers he is coming down with pneumonia, but Batman ignores his concern. Returning to his Batmobile, the vehicle explodes and knocks out the Caped Crusader. The Joker (the Ghost of Christmas Future) arrives and drags Batman's body to the Gotham cemetery and buries him alive. While buried, Batman suffers visions of Gotham in chaos after his death and reflects on his own grim black and white view of the world since Jason Todd passed. Digging himself free, Batman saves Bob and Tim from Joker. Temped to kill Joker, Batman talks Bob out of it to be a good representation for his son. Refusing to kill him and the Joker arrested, Bruce Wayne gives Bob a raise and a better Christmas Tree. In the end the narrator reveals himself to be Bob, asking his son Tim the moral of the story. We'll have more Batman Christmas stories tomorrow so stay tuned!

Merry Christmas Eve Gothamites! Looking for the perfect modern Batman tale to read in honor of the holiday? Then Lee Bermejo's one shot g...

The Narrator: superwholocks-bitch: so my nan was spouting some crap about how gay people aren't really people because of what it says in the bible so I said "you think the only people who are people, are the people who loolk and think like you but if you walked the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew" and she shut the fuck up she had no idea I was quoting a song from Pocahontas <p><a href="http://joshscorcher.tumblr.com/post/154880416252/proudblackconservative-jaxxtar" class="tumblr_blog">joshscorcher</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://proudblackconservative.tumblr.com/post/154877988874/peaceofmindoverpieceofass-right-over-wrong" class="tumblr_blog">proudblackconservative</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://jaxxtar.tumblr.com/post/154876034994/right-over-wrong-proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">jaxxtar</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://peaceofmindoverpieceofass.tumblr.com/post/154875749026/proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">peaceofmindoverpieceofass</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://right-over-wrong.tumblr.com/post/154875667353/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">right-over-wrong</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://proud-texan-conservative.tumblr.com/post/154874557349/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">proud-texan-conservative</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://proudblackconservative.tumblr.com/post/154874490319/yeah-that-almost-certainly-did-not-happen" class="tumblr_blog">proudblackconservative</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Yeah that almost certainly did not happen.</p></blockquote> <p>bet the grandma wore a fedora<br/></p> </blockquote> <p>And then the whole bus stood up and clapped</p> </blockquote> <p>this is true i was the grandma</p> </blockquote> <p>out of all the things on Tumblr y'all decide to call out THIS? Something that tbh could probably actually happen in some sense, instead of one of these other completely B’s stories?? Like….Why? It’s not even outrageous enough of a story to be funny pointing it out</p> </blockquote> <p>Sorry but this just reeks of Fake Tumblr Story™. Old fudy-dudy parent/grandparent/teacher/shop owner saying something patently outrageous like “the Bible says gay people aren’t really people”? Check. The narrator having a perfectly ready response that comes straight from a movie? Check. The idiot religious zealot grandparent immediately silenced by this outburst of profound wisdom? Double check. Verdict: </p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-tumblr-attribution="itsmeyourqueen:vaoANtQDrNDqFJS_ETx5rw:Z8kVEj20MHSi4" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_inline_oio91prGgV1rw09tq_500.gif" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Could be true. Could be false. I will say that all of these stories are eerily similar to the strawman comic by Kevin Bolk drawn <b>5 years ago</b>:</p><figure data-orig-width="900" data-orig-height="675" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/9af62ec9098ad3a121de3f08a8640e4a/tumblr_inline_oioccuX9X31rudoq2_540.png" alt="image" data-orig-width="900" data-orig-height="675"/></figure><p><a href="http://kevinbolk.deviantart.com/art/The-Straw-Man-Argument-202024841">http://kevinbolk.deviantart.com/art/The-Straw-Man-Argument-202024841</a><br/></p></blockquote> <p>Wow, this is nearly every comic I&rsquo;ve seen on Tumblr ever.</p>
The Narrator: superwholocks-bitch:
 so my nan was spouting some crap about how gay people
 aren't really people because of what it says in the bible so I said
 "you think the only people who are people, are the people who loolk
 and think like you but if you walked the footsteps of a stranger,
 you'll learn things you never knew" and she shut the fuck up
 she had no idea I was quoting a song from Pocahontas
<p><a href="http://joshscorcher.tumblr.com/post/154880416252/proudblackconservative-jaxxtar" class="tumblr_blog">joshscorcher</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="https://proudblackconservative.tumblr.com/post/154877988874/peaceofmindoverpieceofass-right-over-wrong" class="tumblr_blog">proudblackconservative</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="http://jaxxtar.tumblr.com/post/154876034994/right-over-wrong-proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">jaxxtar</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://peaceofmindoverpieceofass.tumblr.com/post/154875749026/proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">peaceofmindoverpieceofass</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://right-over-wrong.tumblr.com/post/154875667353/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">right-over-wrong</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://proud-texan-conservative.tumblr.com/post/154874557349/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">proud-texan-conservative</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://proudblackconservative.tumblr.com/post/154874490319/yeah-that-almost-certainly-did-not-happen" class="tumblr_blog">proudblackconservative</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Yeah that almost certainly did not happen.</p></blockquote>
<p>bet the grandma wore a fedora<br/></p>
</blockquote>

<p>And then the whole bus stood up and clapped</p>
</blockquote>
<p>this is true i was the grandma</p>
</blockquote>

<p>out of all the things on Tumblr y'all decide to call out THIS? Something that tbh could probably actually happen in some sense, instead of one of these other completely B’s stories?? Like….Why? It’s not even outrageous enough of a story to be funny pointing it out</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Sorry but this just reeks of Fake Tumblr Story™. Old fudy-dudy parent/grandparent/teacher/shop owner saying something patently outrageous like “the Bible says gay people aren’t really people”? Check. The narrator having a perfectly ready response that comes straight from a movie? Check. The idiot religious zealot grandparent immediately silenced by this outburst of profound wisdom? Double check.

Verdict:
</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-tumblr-attribution="itsmeyourqueen:vaoANtQDrNDqFJS_ETx5rw:Z8kVEj20MHSi4" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_inline_oio91prGgV1rw09tq_500.gif" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"/></figure></blockquote>
<p>Could be true. Could be false. I will say that all of these stories are eerily similar to the strawman comic by Kevin Bolk drawn <b>5 years ago</b>:</p><figure data-orig-width="900" data-orig-height="675" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/9af62ec9098ad3a121de3f08a8640e4a/tumblr_inline_oioccuX9X31rudoq2_540.png" alt="image" data-orig-width="900" data-orig-height="675"/></figure><p><a href="http://kevinbolk.deviantart.com/art/The-Straw-Man-Argument-202024841">http://kevinbolk.deviantart.com/art/The-Straw-Man-Argument-202024841</a><br/></p></blockquote>

<p>Wow, this is nearly every comic I&rsquo;ve seen on Tumblr ever.</p>

<p><a href="http://joshscorcher.tumblr.com/post/154880416252/proudblackconservative-jaxxtar" class="tumblr_blog">joshscorcher</a>:</p> <...

The Narrator: superwholocks-bitch: so my nan was spouting some crap about how gay people aren't really people because of what it says in the bible so I said "you think the only people who are people, are the people who loolk and think like you but if you walked the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew" and she shut the fuck up she had no idea I was quoting a song from Pocahontas <p><a href="http://jaxxtar.tumblr.com/post/154876034994/right-over-wrong-proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">jaxxtar</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://peaceofmindoverpieceofass.tumblr.com/post/154875749026/proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">peaceofmindoverpieceofass</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://right-over-wrong.tumblr.com/post/154875667353/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">right-over-wrong</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://proud-texan-conservative.tumblr.com/post/154874557349/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">proud-texan-conservative</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://proudblackconservative.tumblr.com/post/154874490319/yeah-that-almost-certainly-did-not-happen" class="tumblr_blog">proudblackconservative</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Yeah that almost certainly did not happen.</p></blockquote> <p>bet the grandma wore a fedora<br/></p> </blockquote> <p>And then the whole bus stood up and clapped</p> </blockquote> <p>this is true i was the grandma</p></blockquote> <p>out of all the things on Tumblr y'all decide to call out THIS? Something that tbh could probably actually happen in some sense, instead of one of these other completely B’s stories?? Like….Why? It’s not even outrageous enough of a story to be funny pointing it out</p></blockquote> <p>Sorry but this just reeks of Fake Tumblr Story™. Old fudy-dudy parent/grandparent/teacher/shop owner saying something patently outrageous like &ldquo;the Bible says gay people aren&rsquo;t really people&rdquo;? Check. The narrator having a perfectly ready response that comes straight from a movie? Check. The idiot religious zealot grandparent immediately silenced by this outburst of profound wisdom? Double check. Verdict: </p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-tumblr-attribution="itsmeyourqueen:vaoANtQDrNDqFJS_ETx5rw:Z8kVEj20MHSi4" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_inline_oio91prGgV1rw09tq_500.gif" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"/></figure>
The Narrator: superwholocks-bitch:
 so my nan was spouting some crap about how gay people
 aren't really people because of what it says in the bible so I said
 "you think the only people who are people, are the people who loolk
 and think like you but if you walked the footsteps of a stranger,
 you'll learn things you never knew" and she shut the fuck up
 she had no idea I was quoting a song from Pocahontas
<p><a href="http://jaxxtar.tumblr.com/post/154876034994/right-over-wrong-proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">jaxxtar</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="http://peaceofmindoverpieceofass.tumblr.com/post/154875749026/proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">peaceofmindoverpieceofass</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="http://right-over-wrong.tumblr.com/post/154875667353/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">right-over-wrong</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="http://proud-texan-conservative.tumblr.com/post/154874557349/proudblackconservative-yeah-that-almost-certainly" class="tumblr_blog">proud-texan-conservative</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://proudblackconservative.tumblr.com/post/154874490319/yeah-that-almost-certainly-did-not-happen" class="tumblr_blog">proudblackconservative</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Yeah that almost certainly did not happen.</p></blockquote>
<p>bet the grandma wore a fedora<br/></p>
</blockquote>

<p>And then the whole bus stood up and clapped</p>
</blockquote>
<p>this is true i was the grandma</p></blockquote>

<p>out of all the things on Tumblr y'all decide to call out THIS? Something that tbh could probably actually happen in some sense, instead of one of these other completely B’s stories?? Like….Why? It’s not even outrageous enough of a story to be funny pointing it out</p></blockquote>

<p>Sorry but this just reeks of Fake Tumblr Story™. Old fudy-dudy parent/grandparent/teacher/shop owner saying something patently outrageous like &ldquo;the Bible says gay people aren&rsquo;t really people&rdquo;? Check. The narrator having a perfectly ready response that comes straight from a movie? Check. The idiot religious zealot grandparent immediately silenced by this outburst of profound wisdom? Double check.

Verdict:
</p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-tumblr-attribution="itsmeyourqueen:vaoANtQDrNDqFJS_ETx5rw:Z8kVEj20MHSi4" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_inline_oio91prGgV1rw09tq_500.gif" data-orig-width="490" data-orig-height="291" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff3eec58c766f8f97ea0bb5ea2a22ea/tumblr_o1cxmwpAcN1uiz1s8o1_500.gif"/></figure>

<p><a href="http://jaxxtar.tumblr.com/post/154876034994/right-over-wrong-proud-texan-conservative" class="tumblr_blog">jaxxtar</a>:</p>...