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80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m
 We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo
 Expand
 4, Reply
 Retweet ★ Favorite More

 Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m
 Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24
 ATARI
 75
 Expand
 Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe
lightspeedsound:
videogamesarepurehappiness:

maqdaddio:

ask-gallows-callibrator:

vergess:

coelasquid:

derples:

raisehelia:

cavebae:

estpolis:

mrdappersden:

They did it, they fucking did it.

holyfducjk

HISTORY

holy shit!

can someone explain this to me

Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true.

I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player.
It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology.

how can a video game possibly be that bad

People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today.
The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype.
However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million.
While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly.
But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price?
Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few.
So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert.


This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later. 
 It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales.

Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives.

Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link:
https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC

this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times

lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: ...

80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m
 We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo
 Expand
 4, Reply
 Retweet ★ Favorite More

 Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m
 Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24
 ATARI
 75
 Expand
 Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe
lightspeedsound:

videogamesarepurehappiness:

maqdaddio:

ask-gallows-callibrator:

vergess:

coelasquid:

derples:

raisehelia:

cavebae:

estpolis:

mrdappersden:

They did it, they fucking did it.

holyfducjk

HISTORY

holy shit!

can someone explain this to me

Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true.

I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player.
It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology.

how can a video game possibly be that bad

People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today.
The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype.
However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million.
While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly.
But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price?
Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few.
So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert.


This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later. 
 It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales.

Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives.

Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link:
https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC

this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times

lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: ...

80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m
 We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo
 Expand
 4, Reply
 Retweet ★ Favorite More

 Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m
 Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24
 ATARI
 75
 Expand
 Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe
lightspeedsound:

videogamesarepurehappiness:

maqdaddio:

ask-gallows-callibrator:

vergess:

coelasquid:

derples:

raisehelia:

cavebae:

estpolis:

mrdappersden:

They did it, they fucking did it.

holyfducjk

HISTORY

holy shit!

can someone explain this to me

Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true.

I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player.
It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology.

how can a video game possibly be that bad

People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today.
The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype.
However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million.
While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly.
But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price?
Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few.
So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert.


This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later. 
 It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales.

Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives.

Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link:
https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC

this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times

lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: ...

Being Alone, Britney Spears, and Family: Britney Spears @britneyspears Following Fancy running into this guy!Sucha sweetheart!! Well, I was at LAX. I was flying alone to Hawaii. I was waitingiformy flight to board.lsaw a woman approaching me..." "She came up and said, Oh, Mr. O'Neill, I love Modern,Family. You're my favorite on the show. Could you please?" "Sothe next day m manager texts me What is this?' Fifty-three thousand likes! didn't know it was her Lookatthe look on my face Do l Look like Pm sitting With Britney Spears? foxhack: aggressivelynihilistic: buzzfeed: Ed O’Neill Didn’t Realize He Took A Picture With Britney Spears Until A Day Later I have this theory that Britney is one of those celebrities who can like… turn it on, nd can choose to have that aura about her, and when she doesn’t want to be ~Britney Spears~ she can just turn it off again I saw this comment and had to reblog it. She really does. After the therapy she went through a few years back (because of all the messed up things she had happen to her growing up), she’s a regular mom who also happens to be a musical superstar.Look at her in the photo. She doesn’t even look like glamorous. She looks like… a thirty-ish year old mom who sits down and watches Ed O’Neill on TV every week after helping her kids do homework. Perfectly average.And that’s a good thing. I’m glad she’s happy now.
nsfw
Being Alone, Britney Spears, and Family: Britney Spears
 @britneyspears
 Following
 Fancy running into this guy!Sucha
 sweetheart!!

 Well, I was at LAX. I was flying alone to Hawaii. I
 was waitingiformy flight to board.lsaw a woman
 approaching me..."

 "She came up and said, Oh, Mr. O'Neill, I love
 Modern,Family. You're my favorite on the
 show. Could you please?"

 "Sothe next day m manager texts me
 What is this?' Fifty-three thousand likes!
 didn't know it was her

 Lookatthe look on my face Do l Look
 like Pm sitting With Britney Spears?
foxhack:

aggressivelynihilistic:
buzzfeed:
Ed O’Neill Didn’t Realize He Took A Picture With Britney Spears Until A Day Later

I have this theory that Britney is one of those celebrities who can like… turn it on, nd can choose to have that aura about her, and when she doesn’t want to be ~Britney Spears~ she can just turn it off again 

I saw this comment and had to reblog it. She really does. After the therapy she went through a few years back (because of all the messed up things she had happen to her growing up), she’s a regular mom who also happens to be a musical superstar.Look at her in the photo. She doesn’t even look like glamorous. She looks like… a thirty-ish year old mom who sits down and watches Ed O’Neill on TV every week after helping her kids do homework. Perfectly average.And that’s a good thing. I’m glad she’s happy now.

foxhack: aggressivelynihilistic: buzzfeed: Ed O’Neill Didn’t Realize He Took A Picture With Britney Spears Until A Day Later I have this t...

A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
 so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
 that all of our door staff must have names that start
 with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
 friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
 Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
 now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
 lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
 than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
 is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
 simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
 now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
 appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
 inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
 add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
 that's Doorman Dan.
 since meeting him last year, I've discovered
 .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
 said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
 he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
 and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
 Junkie Jeff at 9AM
 .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
 while he was in the army, and was complet
 unaware they had broken up until he wishe
 happy Christmas and she responded with what the
 fuck Dan
 .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
 thirty-six hours
 .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
 and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
 decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
 in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
 and ran off
 .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
 month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
 resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
 inside any John Lewis shops
 .he is convinced the love of his life is not his
 fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
 who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
 know when I meet him.
 .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
 rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
 they follow him
 his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
 proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
 told."
 when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
 didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
 the door and asked if they'd like a snack
 .
 .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
 called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
 being the only person on the dance floor without a
 drink when he's patrolling the bar
 I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
 cacen
 BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
 zohbugg
 I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
 Doorman Dan
 thecheshirecass
 I look forward to reading more about the loving,
 polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
 Ned when they finally meet.
 fuckveahdiomedes
 What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
 Source: cacen
 114,993 notes
The adventures of doorman dan

The adventures of doorman dan

Apparently, Church, and Fail: captainlovelxce hey have i ever told y all about my cursed apartment building cursed how, you say???? well, here's the thing: no-one can fuckin see it. let me explain further .i live in a tiny flat in a big red brick building with huge windows. it has a driveway with two columns on either side not a thing you usually see in this area. it is opposite a bus stop and several corner shops. it is on a main, busy road. most significantly, it is attached to a church. a well- known church with a big pink sign on the front. all things that would make it easy to spot, right???? like if i gave that list of distinguishing features to someone along with my address then they'd be able to find my filat easily, right??? well APPARENTLY NOT we have never once had a delivery to our flat (outside of the usual postal service) where we haven't been called by a lost courier usually, they are about thirty seconds away. "i'm by the church and i don't know where to go from here," they say. so we tell them, "it's the building right next to the church!! the one you're outside. that church. it's the next building along. it's opposite a bus stop and it has a driveway with two big columns." without fail, they call back 5-10 minutes later, still lost. i have answered calls from both lost delivery people and friends where i've been able to see them standing in front of the driveway, from my window a friend of mine once drove past my building three times, while on the phone to me, getting increasingly panicked that she couldn't figure out where she was going. she parked in a nearby road and i had to walk to her car and guide her to the driveway however, my flatmate and i found this place when we were flat-hunting first time, no trouble, and we don't know what that means other than i guess this place chose us and the rent is so cheap because the estate agents were so relieved to find the first people in a thousand years who could actually see this fuckin building . today a food delivery person called me to say he was outside the church was told to go to the next building along, (a 20 second journey on foot) and arrived at my door 20 minutes later, saying, "sorry, i went to the back of this building by mistake. weird right???" this building doesn't have a back it backs onto the rest of the church it doesn't have a back where did he go . . toastynoneofyourbusiness There's probably a wizard's pub somewhere around there and the spell keeps overlapping with the nearby buildings captainlovelxce i haven't really been interacting with the notes on this post bc it blew up unexpectedly and ive been rly busy, but reblogging again to say - holy fuck, there is actually a pub just down the road that's all boarded up and derelict but i HAVE seen people go in and out of it and sometimes you can see a light on in the upstairs window Source:motherfortuna #bahahahahah #sacred space #fairy circle 92,553 notes TFW you live in a liminal space
Apparently, Church, and Fail: captainlovelxce
 hey have i ever told y all about my cursed apartment building
 cursed how, you say???? well, here's the thing: no-one can fuckin see it. let me
 explain further
 .i live in a tiny flat in a big red brick building with huge windows. it has a
 driveway with two columns on either side not a thing you usually see in
 this area. it is opposite a bus stop and several corner shops. it is on a
 main, busy road. most significantly, it is attached to a church. a well-
 known church with a big pink sign on the front.
 all things that would make it easy to spot, right???? like if i gave that list of
 distinguishing features to someone along with my address then they'd be
 able to find my filat easily, right??? well APPARENTLY NOT
 we have never once had a delivery to our flat (outside of the usual postal
 service) where we haven't been called by a lost courier
 usually, they are about thirty seconds away. "i'm by the church and i don't
 know where to go from here," they say. so we tell them, "it's the building
 right next to the church!! the one you're outside. that church. it's the next
 building along. it's opposite a bus stop and it has a driveway with two big
 columns."
 without fail, they call back 5-10 minutes later, still lost.
 i have answered calls from both lost delivery people and friends where
 i've been able to see them standing in front of the driveway, from my
 window
 a friend of mine once drove past my building three times, while on the
 phone to me, getting increasingly panicked that she couldn't figure out
 where she was going. she parked in a nearby road and i had to walk to
 her car and guide her to the driveway
 however, my flatmate and i found this place when we were flat-hunting
 first time, no trouble, and we don't know what that means other than i
 guess this place chose us and the rent is so cheap because the estate
 agents were so relieved to find the first people in a thousand years who
 could actually see this fuckin building
 .
 today a food delivery person called me to say he was outside the church
 was told to go to the next building along, (a 20 second journey on foot)
 and arrived at my door 20 minutes later, saying, "sorry, i went to the back
 of this building by mistake. weird right???"
 this building doesn't have a back
 it backs onto the rest of the church it doesn't have a back where did he go
 .
 .
 toastynoneofyourbusiness
 There's probably a wizard's pub somewhere around there and the spell keeps
 overlapping with the nearby buildings
 captainlovelxce
 i haven't really been interacting with the notes on this post bc it blew up
 unexpectedly and ive been rly busy, but reblogging again to say - holy fuck,
 there is actually a pub just down the road that's all boarded up and derelict but i
 HAVE seen people go in and out of it and sometimes you can see a light on in
 the upstairs window
 Source:motherfortuna
 #bahahahahah
 #sacred space #fairy circle
 92,553 notes
TFW you live in a liminal space

TFW you live in a liminal space

Alive, Bruh, and Cars: robotmango it's ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, "i'm gonna go for a bike ride." and i was like "why. no. why don't put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey don't do it." so he says he doesn't want to "hide in the house" because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. "the sun is shining" does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this mornin awed-frog @robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea robotmango this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit pretty great. now it's ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a "borrower" that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun scarylullabies I think I've reblogged this before, but "the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred temperature" is fucking poetry heywetotheotherworld but in conclusion, fuck the sun Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?
Alive, Bruh, and Cars: robotmango
 it's ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my
 husband was like, "i'm gonna go for a bike ride." and i was like "why. no. why
 don't put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey
 don't do it." so he says he doesn't want to "hide in the house" because the sun
 is shining. bruh. honeybruh. "the sun is shining" does not cover it. its hot
 outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been
 crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our
 fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this
 mornin
 awed-frog
 @robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast this was both
 hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea
 robotmango
 this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather
 channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral
 for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit
 pretty great. now it's ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating
 degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a "borrower"
 that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved
 you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there
 because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito
 currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag
 mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred
 temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion
 fuck the sun
 scarylullabies
 I think I've reblogged this before, but "the thermostat of hell is always at the
 devil's preferred temperature" is fucking poetry
 heywetotheotherworld
 but in conclusion, fuck the sun
Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?

Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?

Dank, Memes, and Money: [2.1] First, when the pirates demanded a ransom of twenty talents, Caesar burst out laughing They did not know, he said, who it was that they had captured, and he volunteered to pay fifty [2.2] Then, when he had sent his followers to the various cities in order to raise the money and was left with one friend and two servants among these Cilicians, about the most bloodthirsty people in the world, he treated them so highhandedly that, whenever he wanted to sleep, he would send to them and tell them to stop talking [2.3] For thirty-eight days, with the greatest unconcern, he joined in all their games and exer- cises, just as if he was their leader instead of their prisoner [2.4] He also wrote poems and speeches which he read aloud to them, and if they failed to ad- mire his work, he would call them to their faces illiterate savages, and would often laughingly threaten to have them all hanged. They were much taken with this and attributed his freedom of speech to a kind of simplicity in his character or boyish playlulness. [2.5] However, the ransom arrived from Miletus and, as soon as he had paid it and been set free, he immediately manned some ships and set sail from the harbor of Miletus against the pirates. He found them still there, lying at anchor off the island, and he captured nearly all of them. [2.6] He took their property as spoils of war and put the men themselves into the prison at Pergamon. He then went in person to [Marcus] Junius, the governorof Asia, thinking it proper that he, as praetor in charge of the province, should see to the punishment of the prisoners. [2.7] Junius, however, cast longing eyes at the money, which came to a considerable sum, and kept saying that he needed time to look into the case.Caesar paid no further attention to him. He went to Pergamon, took the pirates out of prison and crucified the lot of them, just as he had often told them he would do when he was on the island and they imagined that he was jok- ing Julius Caesar, patron saint of trolls by evil_mipmie_de MORE MEMES
Dank, Memes, and Money: [2.1] First, when the pirates demanded a ransom of twenty talents, Caesar burst out laughing
 They did not know, he said, who it was that they had captured, and he volunteered to pay fifty
 [2.2] Then, when he had sent his followers to the various cities in order to raise the money and
 was left with one friend and two servants among these Cilicians, about the most bloodthirsty
 people in the world, he treated them so highhandedly that, whenever he wanted to sleep, he
 would send to them and tell them to stop talking
 [2.3] For thirty-eight days, with the greatest unconcern, he joined in all their games and exer-
 cises, just as if he was their leader instead of their prisoner
 [2.4] He also wrote poems and speeches which he read aloud to them, and if they failed to ad-
 mire his work, he would call them to their faces illiterate savages, and would often laughingly
 threaten to have them all hanged. They were much taken with this and attributed his freedom
 of speech to a kind of simplicity in his character or boyish playlulness.
 [2.5] However, the ransom arrived from Miletus and, as soon as he had paid it and been set free,
 he immediately manned some ships and set sail from the harbor of Miletus against the pirates.
 He found them still there, lying at anchor off the island, and he captured nearly all of them.
 [2.6] He took their property as spoils of war and put the men themselves into the prison at
 Pergamon. He then went in person to [Marcus] Junius, the governorof Asia, thinking it proper
 that he, as praetor in charge of the province, should see to the punishment of the prisoners.
 [2.7] Junius, however, cast longing eyes at the money, which came to a considerable sum, and
 kept saying that he needed time to look into the case.Caesar paid no further attention to him.
 He went to Pergamon, took the pirates out of prison and crucified the lot of them, just as he
 had often told them he would do when he was on the island and they imagined that he was jok-
 ing
Julius Caesar, patron saint of trolls by evil_mipmie_de
MORE MEMES

Julius Caesar, patron saint of trolls by evil_mipmie_de MORE MEMES