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Throwing shade: rojaviolet: in-sunshine-and-in-rain: same me and my wife throwing shade
Throwing shade: rojaviolet:

in-sunshine-and-in-rain:
same
me and my wife throwing shade

rojaviolet: in-sunshine-and-in-rain: same me and my wife throwing shade

Throwing shade: PRAY FOR THE WICKE RP STARTER MEME <p><a href="http://jeanbeanmemes.tumblr.com/post/175161423268/various-lyrics-from-the-panic-at-the-disco-album" class="tumblr_blog">jeanbeanmemes</a>:</p><blockquote> <p> <small><i>Various lyrics from the Panic! At The Disco album. Feel free to change anything to adapt better for RP purposes. This is part two of the lyrics</i><i>! </i><b><i>Some lyrics may be triggering.</i></b></small></p> <h2><b>Dancing’s Not A Crime</b></h2> <ul><li><small>I’m a moon-walker. I’m like MJ up in the clouds.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I know it sounds awkward.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I’m filthy as charged.<br/></small></li> <li><small>You’re a sweet talker but darlin’ whatcha gonna say now?<br/></small></li> <li><small>The midnight marauders, the higher never come down.</small></li> <li><small>You can’t take me anywhere.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I’m still uninvited, I’m still gonna light it.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I’m going insane and I don’t care.</small></li> <li><small>Dancing, dancing, dancing’s not a crime unless you do it without me.</small></li> <li><small>If you’re night crawlin’ with him, I won’t take it lying down.</small></li> <li><small>I’ve got a few lawyers, and you’re guilty as charged, guilty as charged</small></li> <li><small>We could be waltzin’, but darlin’ don’t be throwing shade now.</small></li> <li><small>Don’t call me Saint California if you’re at another altar.</small></li> <li><small>Just gimme your vows.</small></li> </ul><h2><b>One Of The Drunks</b></h2> <ul><li><small>Orange juice, pour out half the carton. Grey Goose, pour it, get it started.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Good times, remedy your sorrows.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Baptize, don’t worry ‘bout tomorrow.</small></li> <li><small>Shake it up, shake it up. <br/></small></li> <li><small>Now it’s time to dive in.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Share a cup, share a cup.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Now you’re screwdriving.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Every weekend with your friends, every weekday when it ends.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Damn, it’s all good, I guess.</small></li> <li><small>This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Searching for a new high, high as the sun, uncomfortably numb.<br/></small></li> <li><small>This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks. Welcome to the club!</small></li> <li><small>Never dry, every day you’re thirsty.</small></li> <li><small>Bourbon high, sip it till you’re tipsy.</small></li> <li><small>Night’s young, searching for a feeling.</small></li> <li><small>Big fun, dancing with the demons.</small></li> <li><small>Holy Spirit grips you like a pistol.</small></li> </ul><h2><b>The Overpass</b></h2> <ul><li><small>Let me hear you say something.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I’m sorry to get sentimental tonight.<br/></small></li> <li><small>That perfume lingers in your hair.<br/></small></li> <li><small>It’s just that everything reminds me of things I thought I shouldn’t have to see again. <br/></small></li> <li><small>See the thing is I’m so sorry to say you need me, don’t you?<br/></small></li> <li><small>Someone still loves you</small></li> <li><small>Meet me at the overpass.</small></li> <li><small>Sketchy girls and lipstick boys, troubled love and high speed noise.</small></li> <li><small>I know you wanna meet me at the overpass.</small></li> <li><small>Tiny bottles of shit wine in a tin can that climbs.<br/></small></li> <li> <small>I remember every time everything about you is perfect down to your blood type.</small><br/></li> </ul><h2><b>King Of The Cloud</b></h2> <ul><li><small>Heaven knows that I’m born too late for these ghosts that I chase.<br/></small></li> <li><small>With these dreams, I inflate, painted skies in my brain.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Every day, I’m Carl Sagan in space to escape this old world.<br/></small></li> <li><small><br/></small></li> <li><small>Some days I lie wide awake &lsquo;til the Sun hits my face and I fade, elevate from the Earth.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Far away to a place where I’m free from the weight, this old world.</small></li> <li><small>I don’t trust anything or anyone, below the Sun.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I don’t feel anything at all.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I’m King of the clouds, I get lifted.</small></li> <li><small>Some only live to die, I’m alive to fly higher than angels in outfields inside of my mind.<br/></small></li> <li><small>I’m ascending these ladders, I’m climbin’, say goodbye to this old world.</small></li> <li><small>When I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes in the backbone of night, I’m combustible. <br/></small></li> <li> <small>Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep a wink, I’m too tired.</small><br/></li> </ul><h2><b>Old Fashioned</b></h2> <ul><li> <small>Once upon a thrill from a kiss to a swill, we were swallowing the nights like we have nine lives. </small><br/></li> <li> <small>Dead and gone so long, seventeen so gone.</small><br/></li> <li><small>We were bored like kids with a book of disorders, medicating every day to keep the straightness in order.</small></li> <li><small>It’s the false side of hope, where believers concede, and there’s only memories when it’s over.</small></li> <li><small>Pour out some liquor, make it an old fashioned. </small></li> <li><small>Remember your youth and all that you do, the plank and the passion.</small></li> <li><small>They were the best of times, they were the best of times.</small></li> <li><small>Once upon before we were brilliant and bored. <br/></small></li> <li><small>Two dashes of the bitters, add some ice and you pour.</small></li> <li><small>Get boozy, boozy, boozy.</small></li> <li><small>Now it looks like a wasteland.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Not the way that we remember.<br/></small></li> <li> <small>One more sip for the past, and always tip your bartender.</small><br/></li> </ul><h2><b>Dying In LA</b></h2> <ul><li><small>The moment you arrived, they built you up.<br/></small></li> <li><small>The sun was in your eyes. You couldn’t believe it.</small></li> <li><small>Riches all around, you’re walking. <br/></small></li> <li><small>Stars are on the ground, you start to believe it.</small></li> <li><small>Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you. <br/></small></li> <li><small>You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do.<br/></small></li> <li><small>But nobody knows you now, when you’re dying in LA.<br/></small></li> <li><small>And nobody owes you now, when you’re dying in LA<br/></small></li> <li><small>Nights at the chateau trapped in your sunset bungalow, you couldn’t escape it.<br/></small></li> <li><small>Drink of paradise, they told you put your blood on ice.<br/></small></li> <li> <small>You’re not gonna make it.</small><br/></li> </ul></blockquote>
Throwing shade: PRAY FOR THE WICKE
 RP STARTER MEME
<p><a href="http://jeanbeanmemes.tumblr.com/post/175161423268/various-lyrics-from-the-panic-at-the-disco-album" class="tumblr_blog">jeanbeanmemes</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p>

<small><i>Various lyrics from the Panic! At The Disco album. Feel free to change anything to adapt better for RP purposes. This is part two of the lyrics</i><i>! </i><b><i>Some lyrics may be triggering.</i></b></small></p>
<h2><b>Dancing’s Not A Crime</b></h2>
<ul><li><small>I’m a moon-walker. I’m like MJ up in the clouds.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I know it sounds awkward.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I’m filthy as charged.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>You’re a sweet talker but darlin’ whatcha gonna say now?<br/></small></li>
<li><small>The midnight marauders, the higher never come down.</small></li>
<li><small>You can’t take me anywhere.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I’m still uninvited, I’m still gonna light it.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I’m going insane and I don’t care.</small></li>
<li><small>Dancing, dancing, dancing’s not a crime unless you do it without me.</small></li>
<li><small>If you’re night crawlin’ with him, I won’t take it lying down.</small></li>
<li><small>I’ve got a few lawyers, and you’re guilty as charged, guilty as charged</small></li>
<li><small>We could be waltzin’, but darlin’ don’t be throwing shade now.</small></li>
<li><small>Don’t call me Saint California if you’re at another altar.</small></li>
<li><small>Just gimme your vows.</small></li>
</ul><h2><b>One Of The Drunks</b></h2>
<ul><li><small>Orange juice, pour out half the carton. Grey Goose, pour it, get it started.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Good times, remedy your sorrows.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Baptize, don’t worry ‘bout tomorrow.</small></li>
<li><small>Shake it up, shake it up. <br/></small></li>
<li><small>Now it’s time to dive in.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Share a cup, share a cup.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Now you’re screwdriving.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Every weekend with your friends, every weekday when it ends.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Damn, it’s all good, I guess.</small></li>
<li><small>This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Searching for a new high, high as the sun, uncomfortably numb.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks. Welcome to the club!</small></li>
<li><small>Never dry, every day you’re thirsty.</small></li>
<li><small>Bourbon high, sip it till you’re tipsy.</small></li>
<li><small>Night’s young, searching for a feeling.</small></li>
<li><small>Big fun, dancing with the demons.</small></li>
<li><small>Holy Spirit grips you like a pistol.</small></li>
</ul><h2><b>The Overpass</b></h2>
<ul><li><small>Let me hear you say something.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I’m sorry to get sentimental tonight.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>That perfume lingers in your hair.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>It’s just that everything reminds me of things I thought I shouldn’t have to see again. <br/></small></li>
<li><small>See the thing is I’m so sorry to say you need me, don’t you?<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Someone still loves you</small></li>
<li><small>Meet me at the overpass.</small></li>
<li><small>Sketchy girls and lipstick boys, troubled love and high speed noise.</small></li>
<li><small>I know you wanna meet me at the overpass.</small></li>
<li><small>Tiny bottles of shit wine in a tin can that climbs.<br/></small></li>
<li>
<small>I remember every time everything about you is perfect down to your blood type.</small><br/></li>
</ul><h2><b>King Of The Cloud</b></h2>
<ul><li><small>Heaven knows that I’m born too late for these ghosts that I chase.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>With these dreams, I inflate, painted skies in my brain.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Every day, I’m Carl Sagan in space to escape this old world.<br/></small></li>
<li><small><br/></small></li>
<li><small>Some days I lie wide awake &lsquo;til the Sun hits my face and I fade, elevate from the Earth.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Far away to a place where I’m free from the weight, this old world.</small></li>
<li><small>I don’t trust anything or anyone, below the Sun.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I don’t feel anything at all.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I’m King of the clouds, I get lifted.</small></li>
<li><small>Some only live to die, I’m alive to fly higher than angels in outfields inside of my mind.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>I’m ascending these ladders, I’m climbin’, say goodbye to this old world.</small></li>
<li><small>When I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes in the backbone of night, I’m combustible. <br/></small></li>
<li>
<small>Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep a wink, I’m too tired.</small><br/></li>
</ul><h2><b>Old Fashioned</b></h2>
<ul><li>
<small>Once upon a thrill from a kiss to a swill, we were swallowing the nights like we have nine lives. </small><br/></li>
<li>
<small>Dead and gone so long, seventeen so gone.</small><br/></li>
<li><small>We were bored like kids with a book of disorders, medicating every day to keep the straightness in order.</small></li>
<li><small>It’s the false side of hope, where believers concede, and there’s only memories when it’s over.</small></li>
<li><small>Pour out some liquor, make it an old fashioned. </small></li>
<li><small>Remember your youth and all that you do, the plank and the passion.</small></li>
<li><small>They were the best of times, they were the best of times.</small></li>
<li><small>Once upon before we were brilliant and bored. <br/></small></li>
<li><small>Two dashes of the bitters, add some ice and you pour.</small></li>
<li><small>Get boozy, boozy, boozy.</small></li>
<li><small>Now it looks like a wasteland.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Not the way that we remember.<br/></small></li>
<li>
<small>One more sip for the past, and always tip your bartender.</small><br/></li>
</ul><h2><b>Dying In LA</b></h2>
<ul><li><small>The moment you arrived, they built you up.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>The sun was in your eyes. You couldn’t believe it.</small></li>
<li><small>Riches all around, you’re walking. <br/></small></li>
<li><small>Stars are on the ground, you start to believe it.</small></li>
<li><small>Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you. <br/></small></li>
<li><small>You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>But nobody knows you now, when you’re dying in LA.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>And nobody owes you now, when you’re dying in LA<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Nights at the chateau trapped in your sunset bungalow, you couldn’t escape it.<br/></small></li>
<li><small>Drink of paradise, they told you put your blood on ice.<br/></small></li>
<li>
<small>You’re not gonna make it.</small><br/></li>
</ul></blockquote>

<p><a href="http://jeanbeanmemes.tumblr.com/post/175161423268/various-lyrics-from-the-panic-at-the-disco-album" class="tumblr_blog">jeanb...

Throwing shade: OK GUYS, WE NEED TO ACT FAST. WE HAVE TO COME UP WITH ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT STUFF THAT'S NOT JUST STUFF BUT CAN ALSO THINK AND TALK AND SHIT. YOU KNOW, LIKE TOY STORY, BUT WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN TOYS. IT'S A RACE AGAINST THE OTHER STUDIOS NOW. IDEAS, PEOPLE TION AH, CATS, DOGS? VIDEO GAMES! UHNN...FOOD? B... B... BABIES?? ALREADY DONE! THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS! WRECK-IT RALPH! SAUSAGE PARTYY! BOSS BABY! PLANTS? 、OK PEOPLE, PUNS AND RIFFS ABOUT PLANTS, GO, GO, GO!! HUH, TREES THROWING SHADE! RUN FOREST RUN SOMETHING FLOWER POWER... AH! THEY HAVE A POWER PLANT! A TWIG WHO'S A MODEL, CALLED TWIGGY! MUSIC BY SAVAGE GARDEN AND ROBERT PLANT! A SEEDY NEIGHBORHOOD! BACHELOR PARODY IN WHICH THE BACHELOR IS AN ACTUAL ROSE! MESSAGE: "BE PROUD OF YOUR ROOTS"! THAT'S IT! WE GOT A MOVIE! NOW WE JUST NEED A TITLE! SOMETHING CLEVER AND WITH LOTS OF ATTITUDE... I CAN SEE IT NOW! PLANTZ LEAF LIFE TO ITS FULLEST portsherry.com o pedro arizpe, 2017 <p><a href="http://the-mighty-birdy.tumblr.com/post/161456039723/portsherry-the-secret-life-of-big-credit-to" class="tumblr_blog">the-mighty-birdy</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://portsherry.tumblr.com/post/159031405408/the-secret-life-of-big-credit-to-my-wife-this" class="tumblr_blog">portsherry</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><b>The secret life of…</b></p> <p> Big credit to my wife, this was her idea! We went to watch <i>Logan</i> and the trailer for <i>Boss Baby</i> was one of the previews. When the babies stop their serious meeting and go back to act like babies, she said: “what’s next, the secret life of plants?” And off I went! Thanks princess! <br/></p> <p> <a href="http://portsherry.com/">[Website</a>] [<a href="https://www.facebook.com/portsherrycomic">Facebook</a>] [<a href="https://twitter.com/portsherry">Twitter</a>] [<a href="http://puertojerez.com">Spanish</a>]<br/></p> </blockquote> <p>If only this wasn’t painfully accurate…</p></blockquote> <p>Stop you fools you’ll only give them ideas!</p>
Throwing shade: OK GUYS, WE NEED TO ACT FAST. WE HAVE TO COME UP WITH
 ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT STUFF THAT'S NOT JUST STUFF BUT
 CAN ALSO THINK AND TALK AND SHIT. YOU KNOW, LIKE TOY
 STORY, BUT WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN TOYS. IT'S A RACE
 AGAINST THE OTHER STUDIOS NOW. IDEAS, PEOPLE
 TION
 AH, CATS, DOGS?
 VIDEO GAMES!
 UHNN...FOOD?
 B... B... BABIES??
 ALREADY DONE!
 THE SECRET LIFE
 OF PETS!
 WRECK-IT RALPH!
 SAUSAGE PARTYY!
 BOSS BABY!

 PLANTS?
 、OK PEOPLE,
 PUNS AND RIFFS
 ABOUT PLANTS,
 GO, GO, GO!!
 HUH, TREES
 THROWING
 SHADE!
 RUN
 FOREST
 RUN
 SOMETHING FLOWER
 POWER... AH! THEY
 HAVE A POWER PLANT!
 A TWIG
 WHO'S A
 MODEL,
 CALLED
 TWIGGY!
 MUSIC BY
 SAVAGE GARDEN
 AND ROBERT
 PLANT!
 A SEEDY
 NEIGHBORHOOD!
 BACHELOR PARODY IN
 WHICH THE BACHELOR
 IS AN ACTUAL ROSE!
 MESSAGE: "BE
 PROUD OF
 YOUR ROOTS"!

 THAT'S IT! WE GOT A MOVIE!
 NOW WE JUST NEED A TITLE!
 SOMETHING CLEVER AND WITH LOTS
 OF ATTITUDE... I CAN SEE IT NOW!
 PLANTZ
 LEAF LIFE TO ITS FULLEST
 portsherry.com
 o pedro arizpe, 2017
<p><a href="http://the-mighty-birdy.tumblr.com/post/161456039723/portsherry-the-secret-life-of-big-credit-to" class="tumblr_blog">the-mighty-birdy</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="http://portsherry.tumblr.com/post/159031405408/the-secret-life-of-big-credit-to-my-wife-this" class="tumblr_blog">portsherry</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><b>The secret life of…</b></p>
<p>

Big credit to my wife, this was her idea! We went to watch <i>Logan</i> and the trailer for <i>Boss Baby</i> was one of the previews. When the babies stop their serious meeting and go back to act like babies, she said: “what’s next, the secret life of plants?” And off I went! Thanks princess!

<br/></p>
<p>

<a href="http://portsherry.com/">[Website</a>] [<a href="https://www.facebook.com/portsherrycomic">Facebook</a>] [<a href="https://twitter.com/portsherry">Twitter</a>] [<a href="http://puertojerez.com">Spanish</a>]<br/></p>
</blockquote>

<p>If only this wasn’t painfully accurate…</p></blockquote>

<p>Stop you fools you’ll only give them ideas!</p>

<p><a href="http://the-mighty-birdy.tumblr.com/post/161456039723/portsherry-the-secret-life-of-big-credit-to" class="tumblr_blog">the-mig...

Throwing shade: Shells&Emotions @anna_bayla My favorite bible story is when instead of telling women to dress modestly, Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by plucking their eyes out 5/13/16, 1:44 AM 986 RETWEETS 1,759 LIKES valeria2067: theupbeat-hart: valtharr: aviculor: jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life” or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like, turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal. Context matters. Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that. A Jesus post I’m here for. Canon Jesus is always 100% better than current fanon Jesus
Throwing shade: Shells&Emotions
 @anna_bayla
 My favorite bible story is when instead
 of telling women to dress modestly,
 Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by
 plucking their eyes out
 5/13/16, 1:44 AM
 986 RETWEETS 1,759 LIKES
valeria2067:
theupbeat-hart:

valtharr:

aviculor:

jumpingjacktrash:

imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices
it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life”
or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty
i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy
i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off
tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people

All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like,

turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal.
Context matters.

Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that.


A Jesus post I’m here for.


Canon Jesus is always 100% better than current fanon Jesus

valeria2067: theupbeat-hart: valtharr: aviculor: jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blam...

Throwing shade: Shells&Emotions @anna_bayla My favorite bible story is when instead of telling women to dress modestly, Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by plucking their eyes out 5/13/16, 1:44 AM jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices it's like "oh i don't want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own" "well here's a scissors fix vour life" or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don't pretend you don't have a choice of whether to be nasty i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they're actually pretty snippy i mean "turn the other cheek" sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go "do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?" cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off tl:dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem's Roman colonizers. Like, turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he's subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal Context matters Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething Always remember that. A Jesus post I'm here for. # well. thirtysomething. #dude was 33 when he died #but nah just remember Jesus is basically a high school teacher #on a very intense multiyear field trip with his class and Peter the Undergrad Student Teacher The passive-aggressive shall inherit the Earth
Throwing shade: Shells&Emotions
 @anna_bayla
 My favorite bible story is when instead
 of telling women to dress modestly,
 Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by
 plucking their eyes out
 5/13/16, 1:44 AM
 jumpingjacktrash:
 imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys
 have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices
 it's like "oh i don't want to be a creepo but my dick has a
 mind of its own" "well here's a scissors fix vour life"
 or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don't
 pretend you don't have a choice of whether to be nasty
 i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when
 he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this
 really smarmy martyrish way when they're actually pretty
 snippy
 i mean "turn the other cheek" sounds like being a
 doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone
 smacks you, and you turn and go "do it again, go on, take
 a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you
 feel like a winner now?" cuz you know what 90% of the
 time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off
 tl:dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon
 to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to
 take responsibility for how you treat people
 All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are
 actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and
 resist Jerusalem's Roman colonizers. Like, turning the other
 cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either
 break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly-
 thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he's
 subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in
 court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is
 causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier
 forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the
 time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his
 bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and
 therefore making the action illegal
 Context matters
 Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething
 Always remember that.
 A Jesus post I'm here for.
 # well. thirtysomething. #dude was 33 when he died #but nah
 just remember Jesus is basically a high school teacher #on a
 very intense multiyear field trip with his class and Peter the
 Undergrad Student Teacher
The passive-aggressive shall inherit the Earth

The passive-aggressive shall inherit the Earth

Throwing shade: Shells&Emotions @anna_bayla My favorite bible story is when instead of telling women to dress modestly, Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by plucking their eyes out 5/13/16, 1:44 AM 986 RETWEETS 1,759 LIKES eeyore9990: valeria2067: theupbeat-hart: valtharr: aviculor: jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life” or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like, turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal. Context matters. Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that. A Jesus post I’m here for. Canon Jesus is always 100% better than current fanon Jesus And I mean think about it. Jesus was a millenial. Two thousand years ago, sure, but he was a millenial. Never let bullshit “Christians” tell you otherwise.
Throwing shade: Shells&Emotions
 @anna_bayla
 My favorite bible story is when instead
 of telling women to dress modestly,
 Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by
 plucking their eyes out
 5/13/16, 1:44 AM
 986 RETWEETS 1,759 LIKES
eeyore9990:
valeria2067:

theupbeat-hart:

valtharr:

aviculor:

jumpingjacktrash:

imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices
it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life”
or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty
i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy
i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off
tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people

All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like,

turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal.
Context matters.

Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that.


A Jesus post I’m here for.


Canon Jesus is always 100% better than current fanon Jesus


And I mean think about it. Jesus was a millenial.  Two thousand years ago, sure, but he was a millenial. Never let bullshit “Christians” tell you otherwise.

eeyore9990: valeria2067: theupbeat-hart: valtharr: aviculor: jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys...