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typewriter: Hope y'all got enough green herbs and typewriter ink!!
typewriter: Hope y'all got enough green herbs and typewriter ink!!

Hope y'all got enough green herbs and typewriter ink!!

typewriter: Hope y'all got enough green herbs and typewriter ink!! by SilverbackStyle214 MORE MEMES
typewriter: Hope y'all got enough green herbs and typewriter ink!! by SilverbackStyle214
MORE MEMES

Hope y'all got enough green herbs and typewriter ink!! by SilverbackStyle214 MORE MEMES

typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset=utf-8"); *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. *I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing *using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT *stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to *correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: *Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it *in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world * and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error_reporting (E_ALL) ; ini_set("display_errors",true); print('<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF - 8 " ?>'."\n") ; ?> I’m getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.
typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset=utf-8");
 *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 *I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 *using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS.
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 *stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere.
 *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 *correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 *Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 *in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment.
 *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 * and hope it will be enough.
 Farewell.
 error_reporting (E_ALL) ;
 ini_set("display_errors",true);
 print('<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF - 8 " ?>'."\n") ; ?>
I’m getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.

I’m getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.

typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: * 4 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough Farewell * error_reporting (E ALL); ini set("display_errors", true) print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?> Don’t read the source, Luke!
typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8");
 This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere
 Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 *
 4
 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment.
 Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 and hope it will be enough
 Farewell
 *
 error_reporting (E ALL);
 ini set("display_errors", true)
 print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?>
Don’t read the source, Luke!

Don’t read the source, Luke!

typewriter: Benjamin Molineaux @benmolineaux Kids today: "you mean the save' button represents some kind of physical storage disk? OMG" Me today: "you mean 'upper case' and 'lower case' refer to the physical cases where printers kept their letters? OMG" Upper Case ib @% % 2 Em E& ECE BCDEFG L MINO PQR TVW X Y Z fA 4 5 6 718 e b n m En Em y p w QdOds JEm t Space Quads Lower Case 3.15 Pair of printer's cases (drawn by Rudolph Rižicka for D.B. Updike's Printing Types). 19:24 13 Sep 19 Twitter Web App Marc Verstaen @verstaen Replying to @benmolineaux and @GlennF It has French roots. Case means box in old French. Upper boxes, lower boxes. Bas de case, haut de case. 12:26 14 Sep 19 Twitter for iPhone Starburst vacuum @miopapio 4d Replying to @benmolineaux and @MaryRobinette now i only need to understand where the words type and font come from, and i'm done 1 21 Don Mackie @mackie_don 4d Font has a common root with found as in foundry. Type cast from molten metal. Having seen them in action Linotype machines are among my favourite bits of machinery. A giant typewriter with a furnace and crucible of molten lead at the back. There's a romance here. Y PE:THE FIL M GIF Li 15 6 204 Jason Thorpe @thorpej 3d Font designers are still called foundries. 1 28 3d Mary Robinette Kowal@ Jaw drops 11 pfarq @pfarqeu 1d Also, "leading" isn't the amount of space that "leads" the type, it is the size of the lead (metal) strips used to create said space. 1 Henningham Family Press. Replying to @benmolineaux and @MargotAtwell 4d Point sizes are seemingly random between typefaces because they refer to the piece of lead the type was on which you can no longer see 15 1 Katrina@KatrinaTransfem 4d There are 72 points in an inch, and the point size refers to the total height of the character set 2i 1 2 24 Margot Atwell @MargotAt... 4d Wow, I never realized this. I love type history! 1 2 Moon-faced Assassin...4 Replying to @benmolineaux and @Kilalalaa Also, in a printing press, putting a bunch of common words or phrases together is accomplished by mounting them in a single plate of text called a "Stereotype." And the sound it makes when it's pressed to the page is "cliche." Swear to god. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clich%C3%.. ti 40 125 drst: arrghigiveup: TiL (click to go to the thread, which probably has more interesting tidbits I missed). Bonus: These are my people.
typewriter: Benjamin Molineaux
 @benmolineaux
 Kids today: "you mean the
 save' button represents some
 kind of physical storage disk?
 OMG"
 Me today: "you mean 'upper
 case' and 'lower case' refer
 to the physical cases where
 printers kept their letters?
 OMG"
 Upper
 Case
 ib @% %
 2 Em E& ECE
 BCDEFG
 L MINO
 PQR
 TVW
 X Y Z
 fA
 4 5 6 718
 e
 b
 n
 m
 En Em
 y p w QdOds
 JEm
 t
 Space
 Quads
 Lower
 Case
 3.15 Pair of printer's cases (drawn by Rudolph Rižicka for D.B. Updike's
 Printing Types).
 19:24 13 Sep 19 Twitter Web App

 Marc Verstaen
 @verstaen
 Replying to @benmolineaux and @GlennF
 It has French roots. Case
 means box in old French.
 Upper boxes, lower boxes. Bas
 de case, haut de case.
 12:26 14 Sep 19 Twitter for iPhone

 Starburst vacuum @miopapio 4d
 Replying to @benmolineaux and
 @MaryRobinette
 now i only need to understand where
 the words type and font come from,
 and i'm done
 1
 21
 Don Mackie @mackie_don 4d
 Font has a common root with found
 as in foundry. Type cast from molten
 metal. Having seen them in action
 Linotype machines are among my
 favourite bits of machinery. A giant
 typewriter with a furnace and
 crucible of molten lead at the back.
 There's a romance here.
 Y PE:THE FIL M
 GIF
 Li 15
 6
 204
 Jason Thorpe @thorpej 3d
 Font designers are still called
 foundries.
 1
 28
 3d
 Mary Robinette Kowal@
 Jaw drops
 11
 pfarq @pfarqeu 1d
 Also, "leading" isn't the amount of
 space that "leads" the type, it is the
 size of the lead (metal) strips used to
 create said space.
 1

 Henningham Family Press.
 Replying to @benmolineaux and
 @MargotAtwell
 4d
 Point sizes are seemingly random
 between typefaces because they
 refer to the piece of lead the type
 was on which you can no longer see
 15
 1
 Katrina@KatrinaTransfem 4d
 There are 72 points in an inch, and
 the point size refers to the total
 height of the character set
 2i 1
 2
 24
 Margot Atwell @MargotAt... 4d
 Wow, I never realized this. I love type
 history!
 1
 2

 Moon-faced Assassin...4
 Replying to @benmolineaux and
 @Kilalalaa
 Also, in a printing press, putting a
 bunch of common words or phrases
 together is accomplished by
 mounting them in a single plate of
 text called a "Stereotype."
 And the sound it makes when it's
 pressed to the page is "cliche."
 Swear to god.
 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clich%C3%..
 ti 40
 125
drst:
arrghigiveup:

TiL (click to go to the thread, which probably has more interesting tidbits I missed).
Bonus:

These are my people.

drst: arrghigiveup: TiL (click to go to the thread, which probably has more interesting tidbits I missed). Bonus: These are my people.

typewriter: creative writing MASTERPOST studysection: Hey guys! As a writer myself, it’s hard to have a lot of resources for writing in one place. That’s why I decided to create this masterpost, and maybe make more if I find future resources. I hope you like it, and expect to see more masterposts like this in the future! Generators Character Appearance Generator Archetypes Generator Character Generator Character Traits Generator Family Generator Job/Occupation Generator, (II) Love Interest Generator Motive Generator Name Generator Personality Generator, (II) Quick Character Generator Super Powers Generator Names Brand Name Generator Medicine Title Generator Name Generator Quick Name Generator Vehicle Generator Town Name Generator Plot First Encounter Generator First Line Generator, (II) Plot Generator, (II), (III) Plot Device Generator Plot Twist Generator Quick Plot Generator Setting/World-Building City Generator Fantasy Race Generator Laws Generator Pet Generator Setting Generator Species Generator Terrain Generator Prompts Subject Generator ”Take Three Nouns” Generator Word Prompt Generator Misc Color Generator Decision Generator Dialogue Generator Journey Generator Title Generator, (II), (III) Some Tips Just a few I found from the writing tips tag! Writing action / @berrybird How to create a strong voice in your writing / @collegerefs How to plot a complex novel in one day! / @lizard-is-writing 8 ways to get past writer’s block / @kiramartinauthor psa for writers / @dasakuryo ”Write Using Your 5 Senses” / @ambientwriting How People Watching Improves Your Writing / @wherethetransthingsare Writing Science Fiction: Tips for Beginners / @fictionwritingtips Creating Likeable Characters / @authors-haven Vocabulary Descriptive words / @somekindofstudent Words to replace “Said” / @msocasey Obscure color words / @mintsteelpeachlilac Words to spice up your stories / @busyibee Words to describe someone’s voice Words to Use Instead of Very / @gaybybirth Touchy Feely Words / @gaybybirth Some Advice Stephen King’s Top 20 Rules for Writers ”But my plot isn’t UNIQUE or BIG enough!” / @youreallwrite 8 Things Every Creative Should Know / @adamjk (How To) Get Over Comparing Yourself to Other Creatives / @adamjk How to Get Over Common Creative Fears (Maybe) / @adamjk 14 Tips From Stephen King On Writing / @i-can-give-you-prompts Playlists Electronic Thoughts / @eruditekid “Mix About Writing” An Instrumental Mix / @shadowofemirates Shut Up, I’m Writing! / @ninadropdead Chill / @endlessreveries Breathtaking Film Scores / @tweedskirts Music to Write to Vol. 1: Starlight / @crestadeen Music for Written Words / @ghoulpatch Dead Men Tell No Tales / @scamandersnewt Fatale / @dolcegf All These Things that I’ve Done / @referenceforwriters Feeling Soaking into Your Bones / @verylondon I Can Feel Your Pulse in the Pages / @rphelper Morally Ambiguous / @scamandersnewt Wonderwall / @wheelerwrites Pythia / @mazikeene Ballet: To Dance / @tanaquil Websites and Apps For Writing ZenPen: A minimalist writing website to keep you free of distractions and in the flow. The Most Dangerous Writing App: A website where you have to keep typing or all of your writing will be lost. It helps you keep writing…kind of. You can choose between a time or word count limit! Evernote: An online website where you can take notes and save the product to your laptop and/or smartphone! Writer, the Internet Typewriter: It’s just you and your writing, and you can save your product on the website if you create an account. Wordcounter: A website to help check your word and character count, and shows words you’re using frequently. Monospace: An Android app for writing on the go when you feel the inspiration, but you don’t have your laptop on you! For Productivity Tide: An app that combines a pomodoro-esque timer with nature sounds and other noises! (Google Play / Apple Store) ClearFocus: An Android app with a pomodoro-type time counter to let you concentrate easier and stay productive. Forest: An app with a time counter to keep you focused and off your phone, and when you complete the time limit, a tree grows in your garden! (Google Play / Apple Store) SelfControl: A Mac downloadable app that blocks you from distracting mail servers, websites, and other things! Prompt Blogs @writeworld @dialouge-prompts @oopsprompts @prompts-for-the-otp @creativepromptsforwriting @the-modern-typewriter @theprofessionalpromptmaker @writers-are-writers @otp-imagines-cult @witterprompts @havetobememes @auideas @putthepromptsonpaper @promptsonpaper @fyotpprompts @otpisms @soprompt @otpprompts @ablockforwritersblock @awritersnook Writing Tips Blogs @writeworld @anomalously-written @awritersnook @clevergirlhelps @referenceforwriters @whataboutwriting @thewritershelpers @nimblesnotebook @slitheringink
typewriter: creative writing
 MASTERPOST
studysection:

Hey guys! As a writer myself, it’s hard to have a lot of resources for writing in one place. That’s why I decided to create this masterpost, and maybe make more if I find future resources. I hope you like it, and expect to see more masterposts like this in the future!
Generators
Character
Appearance Generator
Archetypes Generator

Character Generator

Character Traits Generator
Family Generator

Job/Occupation Generator, (II)

Love Interest Generator
Motive Generator
Name Generator

Personality Generator, (II)

Quick Character Generator
Super Powers Generator
Names
Brand Name Generator
Medicine Title Generator

Name Generator
Quick Name Generator
Vehicle Generator
Town Name Generator
Plot
First Encounter Generator

First Line Generator, (II)


Plot Generator, (II), (III)

Plot Device Generator
Plot Twist Generator
Quick Plot Generator
Setting/World-Building
City Generator
Fantasy Race Generator
Laws Generator
Pet Generator

Setting Generator
Species Generator
Terrain Generator
Prompts

Subject Generator
”Take Three Nouns” Generator
Word Prompt Generator
Misc
Color Generator
Decision Generator

Dialogue Generator
Journey Generator

Title Generator, (II), (III)
Some Tips
Just a few I found from the writing tips tag!

Writing action / @berrybird

How to create a strong voice in your writing / @collegerefs


How to plot a complex novel in one day! / @lizard-is-writing


8 ways to get past writer’s block / @kiramartinauthor


psa for writers / @dasakuryo

”Write Using Your 5 Senses” / @ambientwriting


How People Watching Improves Your Writing / @wherethetransthingsare


Writing Science Fiction: Tips for Beginners / @fictionwritingtips


Creating Likeable Characters / @authors-haven

Vocabulary

Descriptive words / @somekindofstudent


Words to replace “Said” / @msocasey


Obscure color words / @mintsteelpeachlilac


Words to spice up your stories / @busyibee

Words to describe someone’s voice

Words to Use Instead of Very / @gaybybirth


Touchy Feely Words / @gaybybirth

Some Advice
Stephen King’s Top 20 Rules for Writers

”But my plot isn’t UNIQUE or BIG enough!” / @youreallwrite

8 Things Every Creative Should Know / @adamjk


(How To) Get Over Comparing Yourself to Other Creatives / @adamjk


How to Get Over Common Creative Fears (Maybe) / @adamjk


14 Tips From Stephen King On Writing / @i-can-give-you-prompts
Playlists

Electronic Thoughts / @eruditekid

“Mix About Writing” An Instrumental Mix / @shadowofemirates

Shut Up, I’m Writing! / @ninadropdead

Chill / @endlessreveries


Breathtaking Film Scores / @tweedskirts


Music to Write to Vol. 1: Starlight / @crestadeen


Music for Written Words / @ghoulpatch


Dead Men Tell No Tales / @scamandersnewt


Fatale / @dolcegf


All These Things that I’ve Done / @referenceforwriters

Feeling Soaking into Your Bones / @verylondon


I Can Feel Your Pulse in the Pages / @rphelper

Morally Ambiguous / @scamandersnewt


Wonderwall / @wheelerwrites


Pythia / @mazikeene


Ballet: To Dance / @tanaquil
Websites and Apps
For Writing

ZenPen: A minimalist writing website to keep you free of distractions and in the flow.

The Most Dangerous Writing App: A website where you have to keep typing or all of your writing will be lost. It helps you keep writing…kind of. You can choose between a time or word count limit!

Evernote: An online website where you can take notes and save the product to your laptop and/or smartphone!

Writer, the Internet Typewriter: It’s just you and your writing, and you can save your product on the website if you create an account.

Wordcounter: A website to help check your word and character count, and shows words you’re using frequently.

Monospace: An Android app for writing on the go when you feel the inspiration, but you don’t have your laptop on you!
For Productivity
Tide: An app that combines a pomodoro-esque timer with nature sounds and other noises! (Google Play / Apple Store)

ClearFocus: An Android app with a pomodoro-type time counter to let you concentrate easier and stay productive.
Forest: An app with a time counter to keep you focused and off your phone, and when you complete the time limit, a tree grows in your garden! (Google Play / Apple Store)


SelfControl: A Mac downloadable app that blocks you from distracting mail servers, websites, and other things!
Prompt Blogs

@writeworld

@dialouge-prompts
@oopsprompts
@prompts-for-the-otp
@creativepromptsforwriting
@the-modern-typewriter
@theprofessionalpromptmaker
@writers-are-writers
@otp-imagines-cult
@witterprompts
@havetobememes
@auideas
@putthepromptsonpaper
@promptsonpaper
@fyotpprompts
@otpisms
@soprompt

@otpprompts

@ablockforwritersblock
@awritersnook
Writing Tips Blogs

@writeworld

@anomalously-written
@awritersnook
@clevergirlhelps
@referenceforwriters
@whataboutwriting
@thewritershelpers
@nimblesnotebook
@slitheringink

studysection: Hey guys! As a writer myself, it’s hard to have a lot of resources for writing in one place. That’s why I decided to creat...

typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8"); /* *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons *I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough Farewell. * error_reporting (E_ALL) ini set("display_errors", true); print ('<?xml version-""1,0" encoding- "UTF -8 " ?>"\n") : ?> Who needs license agreements when you got this! F
typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8");
 /*
 *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 *I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS.
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere
 *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment.
 *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 and hope it will be enough
 Farewell.
 *
 error_reporting (E_ALL)
 ini set("display_errors", true);
 print ('<?xml version-""1,0" encoding- "UTF -8 " ?>"\n") : ?>
Who needs license agreements when you got this! F

Who needs license agreements when you got this! F

typewriter: 50 THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW "1- RUBBER BANDS LAST LONGER WHEN REFRIGERATED 2-PEANUTS ARE ONE OF THE INGREDIENTS OF DYNAMITE 3- THERE ARE 293 WAYS TO MAKE CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR * 4-THE AVERAGE PERSON'S LEFT HAND DOES 56% OF THE TYPING 5- A SHARK IS THE ONLY FISH THAT CAN BLINK WITH BOTH EYES. 6- THERE ARE MORE CHICKENS THAN PEOPLE IN THE WORLD 7- THE LONGEST ONE-SYLLABLE WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS "SCREECHED. 8- ON A CANADIAN TWO-DOLLAR BILL, THE FLAG FLYING OVER THE PARLIAMENT BUILDING IS AN AMERICAN FLAG. 9- ALL OF THE CLOCKS IN THE MOVIE "PULP FICTION" ARE STUCK ON 4:20 10 NO WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE RHYMES WITH MONTH, ORANGE, SILVER OR PURPLE 11-"DREAMT IS THE ONLY ENGLISH WORD THAT ENDS IN THE LETTERS "MT 12-ALMONDS ARE A MEMBER OF THE PEACH FAMILY 13- THERE ARE ONLY 4 WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHICH END IN DOUS TREMENDOUS, HORRENDOUS, STUPENDOUS, AND HAZARDOUS 14-A CAT HAS 32 MUSCLES IN EACH EAR. " 15- AN OSTRICH'S EYE IS BIGGER THAN ITS BRAIN 16- TIGERS HAVE STRIPED SKIN, NOT JUST STRIPED FUR. " 17- IN MOST ADVERTISEMENTS, THE TIME DISPLAYED ON A WATCH IS 10:10 18- AL CAPONE'S BUSINESS CARD SAID HE WAS A USED FURNITURE DEALER " 19- THE CHARACTERS BERT & ERNIE ON SESAME STREET WERE NAMED AFTER BERT THE COP AND ERNIE THE TAXI DRIVER IN FRANK CAPRA'S "ITS A WONDERFULLIFE 20- A DRAGONFLY HAS A LIFE SPAN OF 1-6 MONTHS 21- A GOLDFISH HAS A MEMORY SPAN OF 3 SECONDS 22- ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO SNEEZE WITH YOUR EYES OPEN. 23- THE GIANT SQUID HAS THE LARGEST EYES IN THE WORLD 24- IN ENGLAND, THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE IS NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK. 25- THE MICROWAVE WAS INVENTED AFTER A RESEARCHER WALKED BY A RADAR TUBE AND A CHOCOLATE BAR MELTED IN HIS POCKE 26- THE AVERAGE PERSON FALLS ASLEEP IN SEVEN MINUTES. 27- THERE ARE 336 DIMPLES ON A REGULATION GOLF BALL 28-THE AVERAGE HUMAN EATS 8 SPIDERS IN THEIR LIFETIME AT NIGHT 29- A COCKROACH CAN LIVE NINE DAYS WITHOUT ITS HEAD BEFORE IT STARVES TO DEATH 30- A POLAR BEAR'S SKIN IS BLACK. ITS FUR IS NOT WHITE, BUT ACTUALLY CLEAR. 31- ELVIS HAD A TWIN BROTHER NAMED AARON, WHO DIED AT BIRTH, WHICH IS WHY ELVIS MIDDLE NAME WAS SPELLED ARON: IN HONOR OF HIS BROTHER. IT IS ALSO MIS SPELLED ON HIS TOMB STONE 32- DONALD DUCK COMICS WERE BANNED IN FINLAND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WEAR PANTS 33- MORE PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY DONKEYS ANNUALLY THAN ARE KILLED IN PLANE CRASHES. 34- STEWARDESSES IS THE LONGEST WORD TYPED WITH ONLY THE LEFT HAND. 35- SHAKESPEARE INVENTED THE WORDS "ASSASSINATION" AND "BUMP." 36- MARILYN MONROE HAD 6 TOES ON ONE FOOT. (NOT TRUE, WE'RE TOLDI) 37- IF YOU KEEP A GOLDFISH IN THE DARK ROOM, IT WILL EVENTUALLY TURN WHITE. 38-WOMEN BLINK NEARLY TWICE AS MUCH AS MEN 39- RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE LIVE, ON AVERAGE, NINE YEARS LONGER THAN LEFT HANDED PEOPLE DO *40- THE SENTENCE "THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG USES EVERY LETTER IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE *41- THE NAMES OF THE CONTINENTS ALL END WITH THE SAME LETTER WITH WHICH THEY START 42- TYPEWRITER IS THE LONGEST WORD THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS ON ONLY ONE ROW OF THE KEYBOARD 43- THE WORD RACECAR AND KAYAK ARE THE SAME WHETHER THEY ARE READ LEFT TO RIGHT OR RIGHT TO LEFT 44- A SNAIL CAN SLEEP FOR 3 YEARS 45- AMERICAN AIRLINES SAVED $40,000 IN 1987 BY ELIMINATING ONE OLIVE FROM EACH SALAD SERVED IN FIRST-CLASS 46- THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WAS INVENTED BY A DENTIST 47- VATICAN CITY IS THE SMALLEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WITH A POPULATION OF 1,000 AND A SIZE OF 108.7 ACRES 48-"I AM" IS THE SHORTEST COMPLETE SENTENCE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE * 49- NO PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WAS AN ONLY CHILD AND LAST AND DEFINITELY MOST IMPORTANT 50- THE AVERAGE CHOCOLATE BAR HAS 8 INSECTS LEGS IN IT l KNOW SO MUCH NOW lolmeme.th Some of these are not true, but wich ones?
typewriter: 50 THINGS YOU DON'T
 NEED TO KNOW
 "1- RUBBER BANDS LAST LONGER WHEN REFRIGERATED
 2-PEANUTS ARE ONE OF THE INGREDIENTS OF DYNAMITE
 3- THERE ARE 293 WAYS TO MAKE CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR
 * 4-THE AVERAGE PERSON'S LEFT HAND DOES 56% OF THE TYPING
 5- A SHARK IS THE ONLY FISH THAT CAN BLINK WITH BOTH EYES.
 6- THERE ARE MORE CHICKENS THAN PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
 7- THE LONGEST ONE-SYLLABLE WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS "SCREECHED.
 8- ON A CANADIAN TWO-DOLLAR BILL, THE FLAG FLYING OVER THE PARLIAMENT
 BUILDING IS AN AMERICAN FLAG.
 9- ALL OF THE CLOCKS IN THE MOVIE "PULP FICTION" ARE STUCK ON 4:20
 10 NO WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE RHYMES WITH MONTH, ORANGE, SILVER OR
 PURPLE
 11-"DREAMT IS THE ONLY ENGLISH WORD THAT ENDS IN THE LETTERS "MT
 12-ALMONDS ARE A MEMBER OF THE PEACH FAMILY
 13- THERE ARE ONLY 4 WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHICH END IN DOUS
 TREMENDOUS, HORRENDOUS, STUPENDOUS, AND HAZARDOUS
 14-A CAT HAS 32 MUSCLES IN EACH EAR.
 " 15- AN OSTRICH'S EYE IS BIGGER THAN ITS BRAIN
 16- TIGERS HAVE STRIPED SKIN, NOT JUST STRIPED FUR.
 " 17- IN MOST ADVERTISEMENTS, THE TIME DISPLAYED ON A WATCH IS 10:10
 18- AL CAPONE'S BUSINESS CARD SAID HE WAS A USED FURNITURE DEALER
 " 19- THE CHARACTERS BERT & ERNIE ON SESAME STREET WERE NAMED AFTER BERT
 THE COP AND ERNIE THE TAXI DRIVER IN FRANK CAPRA'S "ITS A WONDERFULLIFE
 20- A DRAGONFLY HAS A LIFE SPAN OF 1-6 MONTHS
 21- A GOLDFISH HAS A MEMORY SPAN OF 3 SECONDS
 22- ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO SNEEZE WITH YOUR EYES OPEN.
 23- THE GIANT SQUID HAS THE LARGEST EYES IN THE WORLD
 24- IN ENGLAND, THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE IS NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK.
 25- THE MICROWAVE WAS INVENTED AFTER A RESEARCHER WALKED BY A RADAR
 TUBE AND A CHOCOLATE BAR MELTED IN HIS POCKE
 26- THE AVERAGE PERSON FALLS ASLEEP IN SEVEN MINUTES.
 27- THERE ARE 336 DIMPLES ON A REGULATION GOLF BALL
 28-THE AVERAGE HUMAN EATS 8 SPIDERS IN THEIR LIFETIME AT NIGHT
 29- A COCKROACH CAN LIVE NINE DAYS WITHOUT ITS HEAD BEFORE IT STARVES TO
 DEATH
 30- A POLAR BEAR'S SKIN IS BLACK. ITS FUR IS NOT WHITE, BUT ACTUALLY CLEAR.
 31- ELVIS HAD A TWIN BROTHER NAMED AARON, WHO DIED AT BIRTH, WHICH IS WHY
 ELVIS MIDDLE NAME WAS SPELLED ARON: IN HONOR OF HIS BROTHER. IT IS ALSO MIS
 SPELLED ON HIS TOMB STONE
 32- DONALD DUCK COMICS WERE BANNED IN FINLAND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WEAR
 PANTS
 33- MORE PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY DONKEYS ANNUALLY THAN ARE KILLED IN PLANE
 CRASHES.
 34- STEWARDESSES IS THE LONGEST WORD TYPED WITH ONLY THE LEFT HAND. 35-
 SHAKESPEARE INVENTED THE WORDS "ASSASSINATION" AND "BUMP."
 36- MARILYN MONROE HAD 6 TOES ON ONE FOOT. (NOT TRUE, WE'RE TOLDI)
 37- IF YOU KEEP A GOLDFISH IN THE DARK ROOM, IT WILL EVENTUALLY TURN WHITE.
 38-WOMEN BLINK NEARLY TWICE AS MUCH AS MEN
 39- RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE LIVE, ON AVERAGE, NINE YEARS LONGER THAN LEFT
 HANDED PEOPLE DO
 *40- THE SENTENCE "THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG USES
 EVERY LETTER IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
 *41- THE NAMES OF THE CONTINENTS ALL END WITH THE SAME LETTER WITH WHICH
 THEY START
 42- TYPEWRITER IS THE LONGEST WORD THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS ON
 ONLY ONE ROW OF THE KEYBOARD
 43- THE WORD RACECAR AND KAYAK ARE THE SAME WHETHER THEY ARE READ LEFT
 TO RIGHT OR RIGHT TO LEFT
 44- A SNAIL CAN SLEEP FOR 3 YEARS
 45- AMERICAN AIRLINES SAVED $40,000 IN 1987 BY ELIMINATING ONE OLIVE FROM
 EACH SALAD SERVED IN FIRST-CLASS
 46- THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WAS INVENTED BY A DENTIST
 47- VATICAN CITY IS THE SMALLEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WITH A POPULATION OF
 1,000 AND A SIZE OF 108.7 ACRES
 48-"I AM" IS THE SHORTEST COMPLETE SENTENCE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
 * 49- NO PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WAS AN ONLY CHILD
 AND LAST AND DEFINITELY MOST IMPORTANT
 50- THE AVERAGE CHOCOLATE BAR HAS 8 INSECTS LEGS IN IT
 l KNOW SO
 MUCH NOW
 lolmeme.th
Some of these are not true, but wich ones?

Some of these are not true, but wich ones?

typewriter: srsfunny: Magnificent Typewriter Art
typewriter: srsfunny:

Magnificent Typewriter Art

srsfunny: Magnificent Typewriter Art

typewriter: srsfunny:Magnificent Typewriter Art
typewriter: srsfunny:Magnificent Typewriter Art

srsfunny:Magnificent Typewriter Art

typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset utf-8") * This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons *I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing *using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried * by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS * The very long Basex script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for * different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I *bet they have mismatches somewhere. * Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided *to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with * this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally * given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing * this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for * asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a * manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: * Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it *in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a *relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world * and hope it will be enough. Farewelt. error_reporting (E ALL) ini set("display errors" , true); print('<xml version-"1.Q" encoding-"UTF-8" ?"n"):?> Im getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.
typewriter: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset utf-8")
 * This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 *I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 *using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 * by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS
 * The very long Basex script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 * different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 *bet they have mismatches somewhere.
 * Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 *to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 * this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 * given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 * this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for
 * asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 * manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 * Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 *in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 *relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment.
 Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 * and hope it will be enough.
 Farewelt.
 error_reporting (E ALL)
 ini set("display errors" , true);
 print('<xml version-"1.Q" encoding-"UTF-8" ?"n"):?>
Im getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.

Im getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.

typewriter: Dear Guy Who Just Made My ntruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. Whern you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here's what: Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that, Because at least THEN would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR Nope My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET You built this thing like a fucking pack of And don't even fucking think I'm about to open this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE What's that? should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER That's like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA WRENCH, SO BE COOL Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six, now People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. The absolute worst way to make a burrito
typewriter: Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 ntruding
 Have you ever been to earth?
 On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe
 a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty
 simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least
 got that part right. My burrito was, in fact
 filled with food. In this, you and I agree and
 are friends. But this is also where my lifelong
 hatred begins for you and anyone else whose
 brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the
 same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as
 yours has. Because that should have killed
 you, but left you around long enough to do
 what you did to me today. Let me explain:
 Let me further explain:
 Burritos are eaten from one end to the other
 So that means when you assemble a burrito
 with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s
 going that direction, you create a disgusting
 experience for the burrito's end user. Whern
 you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi-
 ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite
 has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting
 at least two types of ingredients, and there is
 trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
 Have you ever eaten one of the things you
 make all fucking day? You should try one
 They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT
 WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING
 EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP
 IN LETTUCE COUNTRY
 When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up
 and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking
 Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their
 jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you
 must think that's how it's done, since that
 would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a
 bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like
 And guess what else, player? You probably
 can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure
 you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over
 and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in
 case, here's what:
 Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking
 corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter
 from one end to the other a little at a time and
 then DING next line. But today I wish I had
 tried that, Because at least THEN would be
 able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all
 like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST
 GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR
 Nope
 My experience was more like HEY BEANS
 ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A
 MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE
 THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY
 THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH
 HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING
 CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT
 I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA
 POCKET
 You built this thing like a fucking pack of
 And don't even fucking think I'm about to open
 this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90
 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH
 MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI
 DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK
 ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO
 FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS
 SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP
 WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE
 GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE
 What's that? should ask you to mix it up first
 next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT
 WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO
 THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T
 WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR
 You're the worst thing that has ever happened
 to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere
 an apology for this burritobomination, and I
 hope your babies look like monkeys.
 UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST
 EAT IT WITH A FORK
 IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO
 SALAD
 If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork,
 THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW
 BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION
 TEN SECONDS LATER
 That's like buying a car and having them hand
 you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like
 YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S
 GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD
 ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU
 HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA
 WRENCH, SO BE COOL
 Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One
 at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking
 A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six,
 now
 People eat burritos with forks?
 God is sorry he made us.
The absolute worst way to make a burrito

The absolute worst way to make a burrito

typewriter: BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner abookandacoffee: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! A fucking pack of lifesavers
typewriter: BEANS
 MOLE J MEAT
 CHBESE
 RKE
 CILAVIZO SALsA
 Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 Burrito:
 Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner
abookandacoffee:
its-rowark:

misanthrobot:

rowan-oak-o-flow:

delgt:

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

@kirkfuffle

MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK.


Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back!


A fucking pack of lifesavers

abookandacoffee: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On...

typewriter: BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.
typewriter: BEANS
 MOLE J MEAT
 CHBESE
 RKE
 CILAVIZO SALsA
 Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 Burrito:
 Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner
mybigfatgaylife:

its-rowark:

misanthrobot:

rowan-oak-o-flow:

delgt:

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

@kirkfuffle

MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK.


Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back!


I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.

mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On...

typewriter: <p>Magnificent Typewriter Art.</p>
typewriter: <p>Magnificent Typewriter Art.</p>

<p>Magnificent Typewriter Art.</p>