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Birthday, Bless Up, and Blessed: Dogs in flower crowns @Dr Smashlove So my lil homegirl texted me about this clown who drove her home after her birthday party and wanted a Nobel Prize for not trying to get an invite upstairs. His text to her friend: "People like her don't appreciate a man who shows her respect. And then the next minute will be the girl who's like, wow, he wasn't just trying to fvck me, he was actually really nice lol." Men, imma tell u something that may not be intuitive. Y'all ready? Listen close. She. Don't. Owe. You. SHIIIIIIIIIT πŸ˜‚. Y'all love coming up with these scenarios: "Well, she don't want me, God bless her. When she wakes up at age 40 surrounded by six cats and no man she'll wish she gave me a chance." Let me tell you three things she gonna be thinking at age 40: (1) "Wow am I sexy. 40 looks good!" (2) "Wow, my sex drive is crazy at age 40! Lemme see if smash is available to beat the brakes off this lil Punani tonight ☺️." (3) "Bees are dying at an alarming rate πŸ€”." Lemme tell u what she's NOT thinking: "Wow, Terrence was so kind to me for not trying to bang me. I should have married him and had his children. I am now fraught with regret. What am I to do 😒." She. Don't. Owe. You. SHIIIIIIIIIT 😍. Ya get me? Y'all should be respectful to ALL women. ALL. Not some. ALL. "What if she a hoe lol." STOP CALLING WOMEN HOES HOWBOW DAH. (See? That was a trick question 😘). Once u realize no woman owes u shit, you'll start to keep it G, not be so damn thirsty, and not come to expect anything from women. And watch how your life changes for the better. Ya get me! Bless up πŸ™ŒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Birthday, Bless Up, and Blessed: Dogs in flower crowns
 @Dr Smashlove
So my lil homegirl texted me about this clown who drove her home after her birthday party and wanted a Nobel Prize for not trying to get an invite upstairs. His text to her friend: "People like her don't appreciate a man who shows her respect. And then the next minute will be the girl who's like, wow, he wasn't just trying to fvck me, he was actually really nice lol." Men, imma tell u something that may not be intuitive. Y'all ready? Listen close. She. Don't. Owe. You. SHIIIIIIIIIT πŸ˜‚. Y'all love coming up with these scenarios: "Well, she don't want me, God bless her. When she wakes up at age 40 surrounded by six cats and no man she'll wish she gave me a chance." Let me tell you three things she gonna be thinking at age 40: (1) "Wow am I sexy. 40 looks good!" (2) "Wow, my sex drive is crazy at age 40! Lemme see if smash is available to beat the brakes off this lil Punani tonight ☺️." (3) "Bees are dying at an alarming rate πŸ€”." Lemme tell u what she's NOT thinking: "Wow, Terrence was so kind to me for not trying to bang me. I should have married him and had his children. I am now fraught with regret. What am I to do 😒." She. Don't. Owe. You. SHIIIIIIIIIT 😍. Ya get me? Y'all should be respectful to ALL women. ALL. Not some. ALL. "What if she a hoe lol." STOP CALLING WOMEN HOES HOWBOW DAH. (See? That was a trick question 😘). Once u realize no woman owes u shit, you'll start to keep it G, not be so damn thirsty, and not come to expect anything from women. And watch how your life changes for the better. Ya get me! Bless up πŸ™ŒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So my lil homegirl texted me about this clown who drove her home after her birthday party and wanted a Nobel Prize for not trying to get an ...

Animals, Books, and Ignorant: A DELTA HOFSTETTER/ST TSA PRECHK SK IR 1 006 DL 7 21 FEB op or server 69A DOCS BOARDING PASS SKY PRIORITY HOFSTETTER/STEVEN IR S 10A DLA 21 FEB PREM LOS ANGELES TOKYO-HANEDA OPERATED BY DELTA AER LINES TNC 13 While walking to my gate at LAX, l noticed a woman whose dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so l assumed she didn't notice. That was likely the thought shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention. Excuse me, miss?" he said, in a polite tone. The woman glared at him. "Your dog," he sheepishly continued, pointing to the mid-poop pup The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed "Some people," she bellowed to her face-time companion with no hint of irony, "are just so damned rude 33 When her dog finished, the woman started walking away, leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman tried to stop her "You're not going to clean that up?" she asked, as shocked as the rest of us were "They have people for that," the offender replied, disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling into their phone can disappear into a crowd stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it while someone else got a maintenance worker's attention. No one said anything -we were so shocked that anyone could be that horrible When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, l get embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred times less embarrassing than leaving animal feces on the floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now barking at everyone who walked by have nothing against people flying with their dogs, l do it often. But it is a privilege l take seriously. My dog is well- trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly behaves better than that asshole Speaking of assholes, there is a pet relief area inside LAX past security, just two gates away from where The Party Pooper let her dog go to town. It didn't matter she was the type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage Can While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music with no headphones. I don't like to throw around the word "sociopath" but I don't know how else l could explain just how selfish and terrible of a person she was. I'd bet her car was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three spots with paint on the bumper from the child's bike she hit without leaving a note Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from her as they could. I am not everyone else I sat down right next to the horrible woman. "Are you going to London on business? I said "I'm going to Tokyo," she responded gruffly, annoyed that l interrupted her DJing "Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to gate 53C. This is the flight to London." figured l could give her a little moment of panic as payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. didn't predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without even checking. She was so self-involved, she didn't notice that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost everyone at the gate was Japanese Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had been moved, so she's also an asshole for not thanking me "Some people," I thought as l watched her rush away from the gate without stopping her, "are just so damned rude The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were on the other side of the next terminal. And felt guilty knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to explain to her that there was no gate 53C I don't know if she made it back to this flight before we took off or not, but I didn't see her board and I don't hear her dog. Her missing her flight Was not my original intention, but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean feces off the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day. Whoops Maybe she can re-book on another airline. l hear they have people for that EDIT For those of you who want to play internet detective and demand to see my ticket, I'm a stand-up comedian with a show in LA last night and a show in Tokyo tonight. But if that's not enough for you here's my ticket Comedian plays epic airport prank on nasty woman and kind of gets revenge
Animals, Books, and Ignorant: A DELTA
 HOFSTETTER/ST
 TSA PRECHK SK
 IR 1 006
 DL 7 21 FEB op
 or server 69A
 DOCS
 BOARDING PASS
 SKY PRIORITY
 HOFSTETTER/STEVEN IR S
 10A
 DLA 21 FEB
 PREM
 LOS ANGELES
 TOKYO-HANEDA
 OPERATED BY DELTA AER LINES TNC
 13

 While walking to my gate at LAX, l noticed a woman whose
 dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman
 was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so l
 assumed she didn't notice. That was likely the thought
 shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention.
 Excuse me, miss?" he said, in a polite tone. The woman
 glared at him. "Your dog," he sheepishly continued, pointing
 to the mid-poop pup
 The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as
 the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed
 "Some people," she bellowed to her face-time companion
 with no hint of irony, "are just so damned rude
 33
 When her dog finished, the woman started walking away,
 leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman
 tried to stop her
 "You're not going to clean that up?" she asked, as shocked
 as the rest of us were
 "They have people for that," the offender replied,
 disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling
 into their phone can disappear into a crowd
 stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it
 while someone else got a maintenance worker's attention.
 No one said anything -we were so shocked that anyone
 could be that horrible

 When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great
 we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, l get
 embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred
 times less embarrassing than leaving animal feces on the
 floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now
 barking at everyone who walked by
 have nothing against people flying with their dogs, l do it
 often. But it is a privilege l take seriously. My dog is well-
 trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly
 behaves better than that asshole
 Speaking of assholes, there is a pet relief area inside LAX
 past security, just two gates away from where The Party
 Pooper let her dog go to town. It didn't matter she was the
 type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage
 Can
 While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved
 from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music
 with no headphones. I don't like to throw around the word
 "sociopath" but I don't know how else l could explain just
 how selfish and terrible of a person she was. I'd bet her car
 was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three
 spots with paint on the bumper from the child's bike she hit
 without leaving a note
 Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from
 her as they could. I am not everyone else
 I sat down right next to the horrible woman. "Are you going
 to London on business?
 I said
 "I'm going to Tokyo," she responded gruffly, annoyed that l
 interrupted her DJing

 "Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to
 gate 53C. This is the flight to London."
 figured l could give her a little moment of panic as
 payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. didn't
 predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags
 and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without
 even checking. She was so self-involved, she didn't notice
 that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost
 everyone at the gate was Japanese
 Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had
 been moved, so she's also an asshole for not thanking me
 "Some people," I thought as l watched her rush away from
 the gate without stopping her, "are just so damned rude
 The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were
 on the other side of the next terminal. And felt guilty
 knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to
 explain to her that there was no gate 53C
 I don't know if she made it back to this flight before we took
 off or not, but I didn't see her board and I don't hear her
 dog. Her missing her flight Was not my original intention,
 but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to
 everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean feces off
 the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the
 knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day.
 Whoops
 Maybe she can re-book on another airline. l hear they have
 people for that
 EDIT For those of you who want to play internet detective
 and demand to see my ticket, I'm a stand-up comedian with
 a show in LA last night
 and a show in Tokyo tonight. But if
 that's not enough for you
 here's my ticket
Comedian plays epic airport prank on nasty woman and kind of gets revenge

Comedian plays epic airport prank on nasty woman and kind of gets revenge