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Weekends: rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.
Weekends: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

Weekends: WW2 meme, right before the weekends
Weekends: WW2 meme, right before the weekends

WW2 meme, right before the weekends

Weekends: WW2 meme, right before the weekends
Weekends: WW2 meme, right before the weekends

WW2 meme, right before the weekends

Weekends: Wait only on weekends
Weekends: Wait only on weekends

Wait only on weekends

Weekends: Working on weekends good, beech bad
Weekends: Working on weekends good, beech bad

Working on weekends good, beech bad

Weekends: Weekend's over
Weekends: Weekend's over

Weekend's over

Weekends: Mods, this is a World War One meme. Don’t ban me because it’s the weekends
Weekends: Mods, this is a World War One meme. Don’t ban me because it’s the weekends

Mods, this is a World War One meme. Don’t ban me because it’s the weekends

Weekends: So apparently on the weekends the game is very much alive
Weekends: So apparently on the weekends the game is very much alive

So apparently on the weekends the game is very much alive

Weekends: In today’s exciting addition of weekends in quarantine, mimosas were drank...alone...and Ava was dressed up like a Bucs cheerleader. The fun never stops!
Weekends: In today’s exciting addition of weekends in quarantine, mimosas were drank...alone...and Ava was dressed up like a Bucs cheerleader. The fun never stops!

In today’s exciting addition of weekends in quarantine, mimosas were drank...alone...and Ava was dressed up like a Bucs cheerleader. The...

Weekends: When on Friday Pewds didn’t post and you know he is not gonna post on weekends either.
Weekends: When on Friday Pewds didn’t post and you know he is not gonna post on weekends either.

When on Friday Pewds didn’t post and you know he is not gonna post on weekends either.

Weekends: i think am going to make one of these a day, maybe not on the weekends
Weekends: i think am going to make one of these a day, maybe not on the weekends

i think am going to make one of these a day, maybe not on the weekends

Weekends: Day 1 of posting dog pics on r/teenagers until quarantine ends but weekends are on my profile because of self post weekend: Sadie (left) Sophie (right) feat. my bed
Weekends: Day 1 of posting dog pics on r/teenagers until quarantine ends but weekends are on my profile because of self post weekend: Sadie (left) Sophie (right) feat. my bed

Day 1 of posting dog pics on r/teenagers until quarantine ends but weekends are on my profile because of self post weekend: Sadie (left)...

Weekends: Somehow I don’t think Paparazzi jewelry would be deemed “essential”. She is open in the weekends and has party hours ugh
Weekends: Somehow I don’t think Paparazzi jewelry would be deemed “essential”. She is open in the weekends and has party hours ugh

Somehow I don’t think Paparazzi jewelry would be deemed “essential”. She is open in the weekends and has party hours ugh

Weekends: WW2 memes bad, ban them on the weekends, Pearl Harbor memes bad, ban them entirely, the meta memes complaining about shit I haven’t seen in months, naaaaah
Weekends: WW2 memes bad, ban them on the weekends, Pearl Harbor memes bad, ban them entirely, the meta memes complaining about shit I haven’t seen in months, naaaaah

WW2 memes bad, ban them on the weekends, Pearl Harbor memes bad, ban them entirely, the meta memes complaining about shit I haven’t seen...

Weekends: When you remember it’s weekends and there is no video of Pewds :( *sad 19yearold noises*
Weekends: When you remember it’s weekends and there is no video of Pewds :( *sad 19yearold noises*

When you remember it’s weekends and there is no video of Pewds :( *sad 19yearold noises*

Weekends: Weekends can be whatever he wants
Weekends: Weekends can be whatever he wants

Weekends can be whatever he wants

Weekends: The subway down the road is closing on the weekends now. They gave us a few loaves of bread. I gave one a little makeover today. It's not much, but it's mine.
Weekends: The subway down the road is closing on the weekends now. They gave us a few loaves of bread. I gave one a little makeover today. It's not much, but it's mine.

The subway down the road is closing on the weekends now. They gave us a few loaves of bread. I gave one a little makeover today. It's not...

Weekends: Weekends are for drinking only
Weekends: Weekends are for drinking only

Weekends are for drinking only

Weekends: posted this one a few days ago but WW2 aren't allowed on the weekends
Weekends: posted this one a few days ago but WW2 aren't allowed on the weekends

posted this one a few days ago but WW2 aren't allowed on the weekends

Weekends: Retirees are only allowed to shop on the weekends and are throwing a huge fit. I was finally able to buy groceries at the commissary after they started doing this.
Weekends: Retirees are only allowed to shop on the weekends and are throwing a huge fit. I was finally able to buy groceries at the commissary after they started doing this.

Retirees are only allowed to shop on the weekends and are throwing a huge fit. I was finally able to buy groceries at the commissary afte...

Weekends: Desk space? My colleague doesn’t work weekends.
Weekends: Desk space? My colleague doesn’t work weekends.

Desk space? My colleague doesn’t work weekends.

Weekends: At Ben A'an, Scotland, a few weekends ago
Weekends: At Ben A'an, Scotland, a few weekends ago

At Ben A'an, Scotland, a few weekends ago

Weekends: Quarantine? Nah, it's weekends, ma dudes.
Weekends: Quarantine? Nah, it's weekends, ma dudes.

Quarantine? Nah, it's weekends, ma dudes.

Weekends: The same thing except it’s from a different subreddit but it wasn’t allowed because of bullshit weekends but now it’s on this subreddit and is allowed
Weekends: The same thing except it’s from a different subreddit but it wasn’t allowed because of bullshit weekends but now it’s on this subreddit and is allowed

The same thing except it’s from a different subreddit but it wasn’t allowed because of bullshit weekends but now it’s on this subreddit a...

Weekends: I’m off on weekends and we are closed Sundays, some scummy coworker of mine left their used gloves on my desk for me to pick up.
Weekends: I’m off on weekends and we are closed Sundays, some scummy coworker of mine left their used gloves on my desk for me to pick up.

I’m off on weekends and we are closed Sundays, some scummy coworker of mine left their used gloves on my desk for me to pick up.

Weekends: These are some long weekends...
Weekends: These are some long weekends...

These are some long weekends...

Weekends: I feel bad for students who have school on the weekends
Weekends: I feel bad for students who have school on the weekends

I feel bad for students who have school on the weekends

Weekends: Long weekends means time with Benny!
Weekends: Long weekends means time with Benny!

Long weekends means time with Benny!

Weekends: How weekends be like
Weekends: How weekends be like

How weekends be like

Weekends: I dont want to kink shame...but why cant I match with vanilla men that work at Wells Fargo and play WOW on the weekends.
Weekends: I dont want to kink shame...but why cant I match with vanilla men that work at Wells Fargo and play WOW on the weekends.

I dont want to kink shame...but why cant I match with vanilla men that work at Wells Fargo and play WOW on the weekends.

Weekends: Now that we have a lot of equivalent weekends, we are not liking it much.
Weekends: Now that we have a lot of equivalent weekends, we are not liking it much.

Now that we have a lot of equivalent weekends, we are not liking it much.

Weekends: Forgot that this sub doesn’t allow image posts on weekends so here’s a hand drawn meme
Weekends: Forgot that this sub doesn’t allow image posts on weekends so here’s a hand drawn meme

Forgot that this sub doesn’t allow image posts on weekends so here’s a hand drawn meme

Weekends: The weekends summed up
Weekends: The weekends summed up

The weekends summed up

Weekends: It was an Ocean of Junk during the Weekends.
Weekends: It was an Ocean of Junk during the Weekends.

It was an Ocean of Junk during the Weekends.

Weekends: Not to mention I do HVAC/R work during the week and cut meat on weekends for Publix.
Weekends: Not to mention I do HVAC/R work during the week and cut meat on weekends for Publix.

Not to mention I do HVAC/R work during the week and cut meat on weekends for Publix.

Weekends: Repost weekends baby.
Weekends: Repost weekends baby.

Repost weekends baby.

Weekends: How we get down on the weekends in California nowadays. #coronavirus #lockdown
Weekends: How we get down on the weekends in California nowadays. #coronavirus #lockdown

How we get down on the weekends in California nowadays. #coronavirus #lockdown

Weekends: Happens most weekends
Weekends: Happens most weekends

Happens most weekends

Weekends: Yes I’d rather climb on the weekends
Weekends: Yes I’d rather climb on the weekends

Yes I’d rather climb on the weekends

Weekends: The weekends
Weekends: The weekends

The weekends

Weekends: Weekends are the worst
Weekends: Weekends are the worst

Weekends are the worst

Weekends: I tAke BrEaK oN weEkEndS
Weekends: I tAke BrEaK oN weEkEndS

I tAke BrEaK oN weEkEndS

Weekends: I work from home all the time already, on weekends, and sick days, but nope…
Weekends: I work from home all the time already, on weekends, and sick days, but nope…

I work from home all the time already, on weekends, and sick days, but nope…

Weekends: I have so much to share!!! Now that I know I can’t post photos on weekends I have the power to spread MEME!!!!
Weekends: I have so much to share!!! Now that I know I can’t post photos on weekends I have the power to spread MEME!!!!

I have so much to share!!! Now that I know I can’t post photos on weekends I have the power to spread MEME!!!!

Weekends: My littlest desk buddy at last weekend's volunteer session at my local animal shelter. He was rescued from a local puppy mill. (And has been adopted!)
Weekends: My littlest desk buddy at last weekend's volunteer session at my local animal shelter. He was rescued from a local puppy mill. (And has been adopted!)

My littlest desk buddy at last weekend's volunteer session at my local animal shelter. He was rescued from a local puppy mill. (And has b...

Weekends: We were talking about weekends and my friends just started doing this
Weekends: We were talking about weekends and my friends just started doing this

We were talking about weekends and my friends just started doing this

Weekends: Grand Central Terminal - New York City - 03/15/2020 - Usually full on weekends..now a ghost town
Weekends: Grand Central Terminal - New York City - 03/15/2020 - Usually full on weekends..now a ghost town

Grand Central Terminal - New York City - 03/15/2020 - Usually full on weekends..now a ghost town

Weekends: Stress relieving dogs available on weekends at an airport ಥ‿ಥ
Weekends: Stress relieving dogs available on weekends at an airport ಥ‿ಥ

Stress relieving dogs available on weekends at an airport ಥ‿ಥ