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Shower, House, and Mail: This shower curtain arrived in the mail today. As it was opened, my wife about died. Effective immediately, my wifes house decorating privileges have been revoked.
Shower, House, and Mail: This shower curtain arrived in the mail today. As it was opened, my wife about died. Effective immediately, my wifes house decorating privileges have been revoked.

This shower curtain arrived in the mail today. As it was opened, my wife about died. Effective immediately, my wifes house decorating privil...

Wife, Soviet, and A Picture: A soviet soldier attaches a picture of his wife to his gun before heading to Stalingrad (1942)
Wife, Soviet, and A Picture: A soviet soldier attaches a picture of his wife to his gun before heading to Stalingrad (1942)

A soviet soldier attaches a picture of his wife to his gun before heading to Stalingrad (1942)

Dad, Girls, and God: 15 Kids Were Asked About Their Thoughts On Marriage. These Answers Are Priceless When is it okay to kiss someone? The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, ther you should marry them and have kids with them It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8 The law says you have to be eighteen, so l wouldn't want to mess with that - Curt, age 7 When they're rich - Pam, age 7 What is the right age to get married? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) How can a stranger tell if two people are married? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids Derrick, age 8 What do you think your mom and dad have in common? Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8 What do most people do on a date? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough - Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10 What would you do on a first date that was turning sour? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. Craig, age 9 How do you decide who to marry? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up ho they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with - Kirsten, age 10 Is it better to be single or married? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them - Anita, age 9 (bless you child) How would the world be different if people didn't get married? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? Kelvin, age 8 How would you make a marriage work? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10 lolzandtrollz: The Answers Are Priceless
Dad, Girls, and God: 15 Kids Were Asked About Their
 Thoughts On Marriage. These
 Answers Are Priceless
 When is it okay to kiss someone?
 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, ther
 you should marry them and have kids with them
 It's the right thing to do.
 - Howard, age 8
 The law says you have to be eighteen, so l
 wouldn't want to mess with that
 - Curt, age 7
 When they're rich
 - Pam, age 7
 What is the right age to get married?
 Twenty-three is the best age because you know
 the person FOREVER by then.
 - Camille, age 10
 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a
 fool to get married
 - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
 How can a stranger tell if two people are
 married?
 You might have to guess, based on whether they
 seem to be yelling at the same kids
 Derrick, age 8
 What do you think your mom and dad
 have in common?
 Both don't want any more kids.
 Lori, age 8
 What do most people do on a date?
 Dates are for having fun, and people should use
 them to get to know each other. Even boys have
 something to say if you listen long enough
 - Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
 On the first date, they just tell each other lies and
 that usually gets them interested enough to go for
 a second date.
 - Martin, age 10
 What would you do on a first date that
 was turning sour?
 I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would
 call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote
 about me in all the dead columns.
 Craig, age 9
 How do you decide who to marry?
 You got to find somebody who likes the same
 stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that
 you like sports, and she should keep the chips and
 dip coming.
 - Alan, age 10
 No person really decides before they grow up
 ho they're going to marry. God decides it all way
 before, and you get to find out later who you're
 stuck with
 - Kirsten, age 10
 Is it better to be single or married?
 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
 Boys need someone to clean up after them
 - Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
 How would the world be different if
 people didn't get married?
 There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,
 wouldn't there?
 Kelvin, age 8
 How would you make a marriage work?
 Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she
 looks like a truck.
 - Ricky, age 10
lolzandtrollz:

The Answers Are Priceless

lolzandtrollz: The Answers Are Priceless

Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story. xoox: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... I fsomething- anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxoc: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy xxx: You're gonna love this ooc: smack-my-bitch-up.sh -sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login xxox: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time" xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am xoox: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee. sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds(), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew.Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xoxx: holy sh"t I'm keeping those I found this on an old Git account
Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
 Based on a true story.
 xoox: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know
 that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... I fsomething- anything
 requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
 xxoc: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy
 xxx: You're gonna love this
 ooc: smack-my-bitch-up.sh -sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
 from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
 after 9pm with his login
 xxox: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
 trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
 to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time"
 xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
 work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
 sessions on the server at 8:45am
 xoox: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee. sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds(), then opens a telnet session to
 our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
 running) and sends something like sys brew.Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
 another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
 the dudes desk.
 xoxx: holy sh"t I'm keeping those
I found this on an old Git account

I found this on an old Git account