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Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have next to you on a flight @DrSmashlove Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents 🤗. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like “yum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: “Seventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purée of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani 🐗. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP 🧐🧐🧐😂😂😂
Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have
 next to you on a flight
 @DrSmashlove
Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents 🤗. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like “yum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: “Seventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purée of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani 🐗. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP 🧐🧐🧐😂😂😂

Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashingto...

Ass, Be Like, and Bless Up: Pic: reddit usullyTheEnglishLab @DrSmashlove Say bruv shout to u ladies leaving comments and sending me DMs asking when I’m finna start writing about Punani again. U know what bruv? U ladies wild lemme tell u why. Turn the tables. Just for a sec, turn the tables for me. What if I was in the comment section of your favorite betch account talmbout “PP PP PPs PLEASE! MEMES ON PPs, JOKES ON PPs, CAPTIONS ON PPs MEOW...RIGHT MEOW! WHAT DO WE WANT?? PP 🤗. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW! PPbrigade TeamPP EggplantMafia 💪.” All u ladies in the comments would be like “Jesus what’s up with this Durs Mashlove nutcase constantly talking about PPs like let her post ads for strapless, backless pull-together bra’s that are useless after the first wear, framed maps that nobody needs, and $1 recurring subscription Ponzi scheme bracelets, and the occasional worn-out, not-even-funny-anymore, circa 2014 xeroxed-looking, light-blue-tint-for-no-reason trash can Meme about something dating-related but literally not even relatable by any sane, reasonably normal human — sheesh.” But nah. Hells nah. In Smashland if my ladies don’t get they weekly dose of Punani bruv I gotta hear about it. “What’s wrong smash why you G-rated now smash you used to be filthy smash you fell off smash where’s smash bring smash back.” *Dr. Evil voice* ALRIGHT ZIPPIT. ZIPPIT. ZIPPP. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...ExZIPPIT A. “Look I’m zippy longstocking” ZIPPIT 🤗. U need it. I’m like a boyfriend u can’t leave because the pipe too good - u gon come around regardless and u gon get this work regardless. REGARDLESS. I could post puppies only and three laughy emojis like Daquan and u STILL gon come back like a crack fiend BC U ADDICTED MAMA U LOVEEEEE IT. U STUCK WITH ME. BE PATIENT. PUNANI POST SOON COME STAY CHUNE. (Nah but keep the aggression coming. It’s nothing more attractive than a sassy, damn near tyrannical-ass crazy tyrannosaurus woman barking orders at me. It floats my boat. Go head with them short arms and pointy chompers Mama let’s make a happy home together and call it Jurassic Park (“is this West Indian lilac? Are you sure?” 🤔). Love y’all. Don’t change. DON’T CHANGE UNLESS IF IT’S TO GET CLOSER TO GOD BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂).
Ass, Be Like, and Bless Up: Pic: reddit usullyTheEnglishLab
 @DrSmashlove
Say bruv shout to u ladies leaving comments and sending me DMs asking when I’m finna start writing about Punani again. U know what bruv? U ladies wild lemme tell u why. Turn the tables. Just for a sec, turn the tables for me. What if I was in the comment section of your favorite betch account talmbout “PP PP PPs PLEASE! MEMES ON PPs, JOKES ON PPs, CAPTIONS ON PPs MEOW...RIGHT MEOW! WHAT DO WE WANT?? PP 🤗. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW! PPbrigade TeamPP EggplantMafia 💪.” All u ladies in the comments would be like “Jesus what’s up with this Durs Mashlove nutcase constantly talking about PPs like let her post ads for strapless, backless pull-together bra’s that are useless after the first wear, framed maps that nobody needs, and $1 recurring subscription Ponzi scheme bracelets, and the occasional worn-out, not-even-funny-anymore, circa 2014 xeroxed-looking, light-blue-tint-for-no-reason trash can Meme about something dating-related but literally not even relatable by any sane, reasonably normal human — sheesh.” But nah. Hells nah. In Smashland if my ladies don’t get they weekly dose of Punani bruv I gotta hear about it. “What’s wrong smash why you G-rated now smash you used to be filthy smash you fell off smash where’s smash bring smash back.” *Dr. Evil voice* ALRIGHT ZIPPIT. ZIPPIT. ZIPPP. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...ExZIPPIT A. “Look I’m zippy longstocking” ZIPPIT 🤗. U need it. I’m like a boyfriend u can’t leave because the pipe too good - u gon come around regardless and u gon get this work regardless. REGARDLESS. I could post puppies only and three laughy emojis like Daquan and u STILL gon come back like a crack fiend BC U ADDICTED MAMA U LOVEEEEE IT. U STUCK WITH ME. BE PATIENT. PUNANI POST SOON COME STAY CHUNE. (Nah but keep the aggression coming. It’s nothing more attractive than a sassy, damn near tyrannical-ass crazy tyrannosaurus woman barking orders at me. It floats my boat. Go head with them short arms and pointy chompers Mama let’s make a happy home together and call it Jurassic Park (“is this West Indian lilac? Are you sure?” 🤔). Love y’all. Don’t change. DON’T CHANGE UNLESS IF IT’S TO GET CLOSER TO GOD BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂).

Say bruv shout to u ladies leaving comments and sending me DMs asking when I’m finna start writing about Punani again. U know what bruv? U l...

Beard, Benadryl, and Bless Up: u/bofstein . 2d. imgur I asked to be seated next to the cutest guy on the plane @DrSmashlove Now see a lot of people on airplanes bruv, they tryina dodge oversized people. They ain’t tryina spend the whole flight shmushed. I feel that. I understand that. But me? Aw hell nah. Big ladies y’all always welcome to sit next to smash. Call me Negan baby girl - leather biker jacket with the beard - let me be yo Sanctuary 🤗😂. Hell I even ask if she wanna raise the divider. Divider actually make it worse! Sh!t be causing flesh to intrude into my space unnaturally. Pokes me awkwardly and makes me hella uncomfortable, nah IDGAF Mama melt into me, invade my space, fall asleep on my shoulder, just get comfortable. And the last time I offered, ol girl did it, too. Schlept like he just popped two Benadryl slobbering on my damn shoulder. Flight attendant talmbout “do you know what your friend wants to drink when she wakes up?” I’m like “I don’t know this woman!! Anyway Diet Coke tho I’m pretty sure she like Diet Coke Issa wild guess yes just poe it up pls thank you” 😂. Did her snore sound like the groans of a wild warthog with a fractured leg bone bruv? Yes. Did I mind? No sir. I’m an ally to the big girls. Bring yo curvaceous, aggressive deodorant scented essence here guh it’s plenty room for both of us. I squat all damn day at the gym, my thigh musculature enjoys the company of a soft, supple flight companion 🤗😂. Now I know what y’all thinking: “SMASH YOUR FANTASIES ARE OVERBOARD, THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN”. Question: if my stories was made up, wouldn’t I try to say I used to date Halle Berry or some sh!t? Chilli from TLC? I mean...wouldn’t I tell a lie that boosts my ego? Nah. Never. My story is my story. BIG GIRLS REST THEY WEARY HEAD ON MY SHOULDER. FACTS, B - DEAL WITH IT - BIG GIRLS I LOVE YALL, U NEVER HAVE TO SHEEPISHLY ASK IF MY MAN BAG PURSE SATCHEL IS SAVING THE SEAT FOR SOMEONE ELSE - IT’S SAVING IT FOR YOUR DELIGHTFULLY ROTUND A$$ — HAVE A SEAT MAMA, I BELIEVE WE CAN FLY - BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂
Beard, Benadryl, and Bless Up: u/bofstein . 2d. imgur
 I asked to be seated next to the cutest guy
 on the plane
 @DrSmashlove
Now see a lot of people on airplanes bruv, they tryina dodge oversized people. They ain’t tryina spend the whole flight shmushed. I feel that. I understand that. But me? Aw hell nah. Big ladies y’all always welcome to sit next to smash. Call me Negan baby girl - leather biker jacket with the beard - let me be yo Sanctuary 🤗😂. Hell I even ask if she wanna raise the divider. Divider actually make it worse! Sh!t be causing flesh to intrude into my space unnaturally. Pokes me awkwardly and makes me hella uncomfortable, nah IDGAF Mama melt into me, invade my space, fall asleep on my shoulder, just get comfortable. And the last time I offered, ol girl did it, too. Schlept like he just popped two Benadryl slobbering on my damn shoulder. Flight attendant talmbout “do you know what your friend wants to drink when she wakes up?” I’m like “I don’t know this woman!! Anyway Diet Coke tho I’m pretty sure she like Diet Coke Issa wild guess yes just poe it up pls thank you” 😂. Did her snore sound like the groans of a wild warthog with a fractured leg bone bruv? Yes. Did I mind? No sir. I’m an ally to the big girls. Bring yo curvaceous, aggressive deodorant scented essence here guh it’s plenty room for both of us. I squat all damn day at the gym, my thigh musculature enjoys the company of a soft, supple flight companion 🤗😂. Now I know what y’all thinking: “SMASH YOUR FANTASIES ARE OVERBOARD, THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN”. Question: if my stories was made up, wouldn’t I try to say I used to date Halle Berry or some sh!t? Chilli from TLC? I mean...wouldn’t I tell a lie that boosts my ego? Nah. Never. My story is my story. BIG GIRLS REST THEY WEARY HEAD ON MY SHOULDER. FACTS, B - DEAL WITH IT - BIG GIRLS I LOVE YALL, U NEVER HAVE TO SHEEPISHLY ASK IF MY MAN BAG PURSE SATCHEL IS SAVING THE SEAT FOR SOMEONE ELSE - IT’S SAVING IT FOR YOUR DELIGHTFULLY ROTUND A$$ — HAVE A SEAT MAMA, I BELIEVE WE CAN FLY - BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂

Now see a lot of people on airplanes bruv, they tryina dodge oversized people. They ain’t tryina spend the whole flight shmushed. I feel tha...

Chill, College, and Creepy: u/a_slinky ld imgur This is Iggy. He is everything that is good in this world @DrSmashlove LET’S KEEP IT 600 HAVE YALL EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED STEPHANIE AT A WORK FUNCTION AND THEN U GOOGLE STEPHANIE AND U ELEVENTEEN PAGES DEEP ON STEPHANIE’s GOOGLE RESULTS AND U GET TO STEPHANIE’s WEBSITE ON “theknot” AND U JUST LIKE “wow they posed in front of the Bucks stadium wearing matching Bucks jerseys LMAO” AND U LOOKING THRU THE GROOMSMEN FOR ROGER, THE GROOM, AND U SCROLLING THRU “Todd: Frat Brother”, “Jeff: The Troublemaker (Editor’s Note: Jeff is always overweight with a baby face and is wearing a bow tie lmao)”, and u get to “Kelly, the Groomswoman” AND U JUST LIKE “wow I wonder if Stephanie low key hates Kelly and wonders if once, just once, Kelly got extra drunky at college at smashed Roger but they never smashed again but Roger still low key loves her and thinks about her lol wow that’s wild Kelly u wild, started at a bar crawl now u here LMAO LMAO” SO U GOOGLE “Kelly Patterson” AND FIND OUT THAT SHE ACTUALLY HAS A BOYFRIEND NAMED RICK AND U WONDER IF THE BOYFRIEND IS A LITTLE TIGHT THAT MAYBE KELLY SMASHED ROGER TOO AND THEN IT DAWNS ON U. IT DAWNS ON U, BRUV. RIGHT THEN AND THERE. U HAVE GOOGLE STALKED THIS WEB OF FRIENDS INTO THE Nth MOTHERFVCKING DIMENSION BRUV. IT’S NOWHERE TO TAKE IT NOW. WHAT’S THE LIMIT? HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR? AND THEN U FEEL LOW KEY SAD AND IT DAWNS ON U THAT U NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD BUT U DECIDE TO SEE WHO KELLY IS FOLLOWING AND LOW AND BEHOLD SHE FOLLOWS SMASH (and u wondering: do she follow for the pups? The captions? Both? 😜) SO REALLY U AIN’T STALKING AT ALL U JUST GAZING DOWN AT YO FOLLOWERS FROM UP HIGH ON YO LONELY INSTAGRAM PERCH AND NOW INSTEAD OF FEELING CREEPY U CONSIDERING DM’ing HER LIKE “aye so did u smash Roger? 😏Lmao 🤓” BUT THEN U REMIND YOURSELF TO CHILL HAPPY FRIDAY 🤗😂😂😂
Chill, College, and Creepy: u/a_slinky ld imgur
 This is Iggy. He is everything that is good in
 this world
 @DrSmashlove
LET’S KEEP IT 600 HAVE YALL EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED STEPHANIE AT A WORK FUNCTION AND THEN U GOOGLE STEPHANIE AND U ELEVENTEEN PAGES DEEP ON STEPHANIE’s GOOGLE RESULTS AND U GET TO STEPHANIE’s WEBSITE ON “theknot” AND U JUST LIKE “wow they posed in front of the Bucks stadium wearing matching Bucks jerseys LMAO” AND U LOOKING THRU THE GROOMSMEN FOR ROGER, THE GROOM, AND U SCROLLING THRU “Todd: Frat Brother”, “Jeff: The Troublemaker (Editor’s Note: Jeff is always overweight with a baby face and is wearing a bow tie lmao)”, and u get to “Kelly, the Groomswoman” AND U JUST LIKE “wow I wonder if Stephanie low key hates Kelly and wonders if once, just once, Kelly got extra drunky at college at smashed Roger but they never smashed again but Roger still low key loves her and thinks about her lol wow that’s wild Kelly u wild, started at a bar crawl now u here LMAO LMAO” SO U GOOGLE “Kelly Patterson” AND FIND OUT THAT SHE ACTUALLY HAS A BOYFRIEND NAMED RICK AND U WONDER IF THE BOYFRIEND IS A LITTLE TIGHT THAT MAYBE KELLY SMASHED ROGER TOO AND THEN IT DAWNS ON U. IT DAWNS ON U, BRUV. RIGHT THEN AND THERE. U HAVE GOOGLE STALKED THIS WEB OF FRIENDS INTO THE Nth MOTHERFVCKING DIMENSION BRUV. IT’S NOWHERE TO TAKE IT NOW. WHAT’S THE LIMIT? HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR? AND THEN U FEEL LOW KEY SAD AND IT DAWNS ON U THAT U NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD BUT U DECIDE TO SEE WHO KELLY IS FOLLOWING AND LOW AND BEHOLD SHE FOLLOWS SMASH (and u wondering: do she follow for the pups? The captions? Both? 😜) SO REALLY U AIN’T STALKING AT ALL U JUST GAZING DOWN AT YO FOLLOWERS FROM UP HIGH ON YO LONELY INSTAGRAM PERCH AND NOW INSTEAD OF FEELING CREEPY U CONSIDERING DM’ing HER LIKE “aye so did u smash Roger? 😏Lmao 🤓” BUT THEN U REMIND YOURSELF TO CHILL HAPPY FRIDAY 🤗😂😂😂

LET’S KEEP IT 600 HAVE YALL EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED STEPHANIE AT A WORK FUNCTION AND THEN U GOOGLE STEPHANIE AND U ELEVENTEEN PAGES DEEP ON S...