Yoga Pants


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    

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    Yoga Pants: This is how she looks every time we're
 cooking and not giving her anything
So I’m at a holiday party right. Next to me is a woman 43 years old fam she didn’t look older than 25. Drop dead gorgeous. And here’s this cosmetic surgeon saying he finnta do a procedure that eliminate these tiny a$$ wrinkles under he eyes and she was being polite but really wasn’t interested and bro I wanted to clock this ugly hair implant MF 😂. Like how u gon tell a woman at a party u gon upgrade her! Fam! She already a dime! Heck u gon upgrade?! Another lil homegirl of mine she just plain Barbie - put her lil a$$ in a pair of shorts and a corvette with Ken with the PP missin and bam, Barbie. She go to a ‘cosmetic dentist’ this MF said she has buck teeth. Lemme tell u...this cosmetic industry satanic 😂. They really lying to u women. Will a barber ever say u DONT need a haircut? Nah - or else he gon go broke! Same. These dudes gon make u feel like something wrong when u already perfect! “I’ll fix those stretch marks” OVER MY DEAD BODY Dr. FESSENJAN PULL A SCALPEL AND IMMA STAB U WITH IT. DONT BODY YA SELF 😂. “Smash we know u lying about the body positive thing to attract thick women” WELL BISH GIVE ME A PP DETECTOR TEST. Put some grey sweatpants on me. Turn around. Pull ya yoga pants down below them cheeks, show me them skretch marks. If I ain’t pitching a full tent, stab me 😂. “wow - you’re really making all the women who had surgery feel bad, we knew u were a Sh!thead.” Well hang on now. If YOU want it, YOU get it! I support that! U wanna get your nose shaped - do you! A$$ shots - do u! BA - do u! BUT DONT LET THE COSMETIC INDUSTRY GUIDE U. THEY GON LIE TO U AND MAKE U FIX SOMETHING THAT DONT NEED FIXING. THEY NEED TO - OR ELSE THEY GON GO OUT OF BUSINESS. LOVE YOURSELF (like I love you 😊). IF U WANNA DO SOMETHING FOR U THEN DO IT BUT DONT LET NOBODY WITH A PP TALK U INTO SOME SH!T LMAO BLESS UP 😍😂😂
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Yoga Pants: This is how she looks every time we're
 cooking and not giving her anything
So I’m at a holiday party right. Next to me is a woman 43 years old fam she didn’t look older than 25. Drop dead gorgeous. And here’s this cosmetic surgeon saying he finnta do a procedure that eliminate these tiny a$$ wrinkles under he eyes and she was being polite but really wasn’t interested and bro I wanted to clock this ugly hair implant MF 😂. Like how u gon tell a woman at a party u gon upgrade her! Fam! She already a dime! Heck u gon upgrade?! Another lil homegirl of mine she just plain Barbie - put her lil a$$ in a pair of shorts and a corvette with Ken with the PP missin and bam, Barbie. She go to a ‘cosmetic dentist’ this MF said she has buck teeth. Lemme tell u...this cosmetic industry satanic 😂. They really lying to u women. Will a barber ever say u DONT need a haircut? Nah - or else he gon go broke! Same. These dudes gon make u feel like something wrong when u already perfect! “I’ll fix those stretch marks” OVER MY DEAD BODY Dr. FESSENJAN PULL A SCALPEL AND IMMA STAB U WITH IT. DONT BODY YA SELF 😂. “Smash we know u lying about the body positive thing to attract thick women” WELL BISH GIVE ME A PP DETECTOR TEST. Put some grey sweatpants on me. Turn around. Pull ya yoga pants down below them cheeks, show me them skretch marks. If I ain’t pitching a full tent, stab me 😂. “wow - you’re really making all the women who had surgery feel bad, we knew u were a Sh!thead.” Well hang on now. If YOU want it, YOU get it! I support that! U wanna get your nose shaped - do you! A$$ shots - do u! BA - do u! BUT DONT LET THE COSMETIC INDUSTRY GUIDE U. THEY GON LIE TO U AND MAKE U FIX SOMETHING THAT DONT NEED FIXING. THEY NEED TO - OR ELSE THEY GON GO OUT OF BUSINESS. LOVE YOURSELF (like I love you 😊). IF U WANNA DO SOMETHING FOR U THEN DO IT BUT DONT LET NOBODY WITH A PP TALK U INTO SOME SH!T LMAO BLESS UP 😍😂😂
                
            

            
            
So I’m at a holiday party right. Next to me is a woman 43 years old fam she didn’t look older than 25. Drop dead gorgeous. And here’s thi...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    Yoga Pants: Picked up this little girl today. I never
 knew something so cute could have
 such horrendous farts
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit u/thecasquatch
Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated 🤤. See me in the lobby I’m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like “OMG smash I stink LOL!! I’ll take the next one!” No the eff u won’t 🤗😂. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. 🎅🏼 Christmas in March. 🎄 U feel me? “Don’t be silly lol! All aboard 😁.” I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big 👌 pip squeak cough ... “damn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE 😤” (c) Key and Peele 😂. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat 🍑💦 . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didn’t. U didn’t for all of us - witcha nastass 😍😂. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins 😍. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM 😂. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chèéks vigorously on mine Peepington and I’m like “wha?” And she said in that deep, satanic I’m-bout-to-buss voice “DONNNNT STOPPPP 🐲👹👺” and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stínk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stínk. U an me baby ain’t nothing but mammals. So let’s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP 🤤😍😂
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Yoga Pants: Picked up this little girl today. I never
 knew something so cute could have
 such horrendous farts
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit u/thecasquatch
Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated 🤤. See me in the lobby I’m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like “OMG smash I stink LOL!! I’ll take the next one!” No the eff u won’t 🤗😂. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. 🎅🏼 Christmas in March. 🎄 U feel me? “Don’t be silly lol! All aboard 😁.” I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big 👌 pip squeak cough ... “damn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE 😤” (c) Key and Peele 😂. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat 🍑💦 . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didn’t. U didn’t for all of us - witcha nastass 😍😂. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins 😍. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM 😂. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chèéks vigorously on mine Peepington and I’m like “wha?” And she said in that deep, satanic I’m-bout-to-buss voice “DONNNNT STOPPPP 🐲👹👺” and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stínk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stínk. U an me baby ain’t nothing but mammals. So let’s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP 🤤😍😂
                
            

            
            
Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet ha...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    Yoga Pants: My pregnant wife has been practicing her
 swaddling technique on the dog.
 Reddit u/ohaivoltage
 @DrSmashlove
So I just copped a stick of Tom’s “North Woods” natural deodorant bc they finally released a deodorant that’s also an anti-perspirant and for me that’s a must because I work out daily and I can’t have the cute MILF’s and instagram girls who wear a baseball cap and yoga pants and make they man photograph them at the gym thinking smash doesn’t bathe 🤗😂. Anyway imma keep it 600 - this is nice! It kinda smell like old school Speed Stick - the joint all the gym teachers would wear. I low key feel like a sexy gym teacher RN. Walking around school in tight sweatpants with the PP print on display and a polo tucked in with the drawstring hanging by the print and a college cap that say “ILLINI” and a whistle on my neck and the Nike Monarchs or as I call them the “Father Who Was Present In His Children’s Lives 11s” just smiling and winking at the Kindygarten teachers like “Hey Suzan. Hey Karen. Howdy Janet. Good MOHNIN Julia ☺️. Stevie always good to see you - DROP AND GIMME 20! Lmao jk wyd tho. Oh hi Martha 😉. Are those new reading glasses? I like them 😍.” That’s me today at work feeling like a spicy gym teacher. Matter fact that’s my 2018 schmood until further notice. Spicy gym teacher af. Strutting around school giving hi fives for no reason, overseeing floor hockey matches. “GIMME A PULL UP!!” LMAO I’m stupid bless up 😍😂😂😂
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Yoga Pants: My pregnant wife has been practicing her
 swaddling technique on the dog.
 Reddit u/ohaivoltage
 @DrSmashlove
So I just copped a stick of Tom’s “North Woods” natural deodorant bc they finally released a deodorant that’s also an anti-perspirant and for me that’s a must because I work out daily and I can’t have the cute MILF’s and instagram girls who wear a baseball cap and yoga pants and make they man photograph them at the gym thinking smash doesn’t bathe 🤗😂. Anyway imma keep it 600 - this is nice! It kinda smell like old school Speed Stick - the joint all the gym teachers would wear. I low key feel like a sexy gym teacher RN. Walking around school in tight sweatpants with the PP print on display and a polo tucked in with the drawstring hanging by the print and a college cap that say “ILLINI” and a whistle on my neck and the Nike Monarchs or as I call them the “Father Who Was Present In His Children’s Lives 11s” just smiling and winking at the Kindygarten teachers like “Hey Suzan. Hey Karen. Howdy Janet. Good MOHNIN Julia ☺️. Stevie always good to see you - DROP AND GIMME 20! Lmao jk wyd tho. Oh hi Martha 😉. Are those new reading glasses? I like them 😍.” That’s me today at work feeling like a spicy gym teacher. Matter fact that’s my 2018 schmood until further notice. Spicy gym teacher af. Strutting around school giving hi fives for no reason, overseeing floor hockey matches. “GIMME A PULL UP!!” LMAO I’m stupid bless up 😍😂😂😂
                
            

            
            
So I just copped a stick of Tom’s “North Woods” natural deodorant bc they finally released a deodorant that’s also an anti-perspirant and...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            







    Yoga Pants: RI
 .d 66% . 9:36 PM
 Haley
 The last line in your profile very
 much suggests you have met
 up with someone from Tinder
 appropriate date attire
 You would be correct in making
 such an assumption. Sweat suit
 to be more accurate lol
 Today 12:58 AM
 Gonna need to hear this story
 Short of first date at the gym
 I'm not seeing anyway that
 could even possibly be seen as
 Right? Let's just say we didn't
 even hang out for an hour haha
 great on paper, not so much in
 real life
 We went to
 left 45 mins later. He actually
 ended up being quite the
 asshole too.
 Todey 11:37 AM
 I just don't understand how
 are the way to go when meeting
 trying to get in bed with, or at
 least not entirely disgust. I mean,
 the year 2017, very clearly
 yoga pants are the first date
 Today 12:47 PM
 I mean I don't expect a suit
 & tie but.... Come on haha.
 Needless to say we didn't talk
 after that lol. Yet again another
 tinder nightmare
 Another? Any other good
 stories? ShouldI get popcorn?
 Today 2:00 PM
 Nah nothing that exciting.
 have yet to meet someone
 that's worth continuing talking
 to though. Had a guy ask
 me to drop him off at home
 afterwards & as I drove away
 another girl got out of another
 car no hope in men out
 there these days lol
 Whoa now, some of my best
 Well that's nice of you to
 say hahe I heve yet to meet
 someone that excites me
 Oh? What would excite you? I'mm
 guessing a guy in a nice pair of
 Come onnnn. Is that your fav
 Not necessarily physically
 excite me, but intellectually
 this app is alot based on looks
 so whoever you match has to
 physically excite you at least a
 little bit
 Hm, so if I give a deep, philo-
 sophical defense of the ever
 humble cargo pants as a utilit-
 arlan rebellion by the proletariat
 against modern consumerism,
 and as a statement of individual
 ity in the fece of mass media de-
 s of normality, how rapidly
 are we moving towards or away
 y is on away at
 speeds for the record
 It dewns on me after typing
 that out my flirting techiques
 probably need some work
 Hahaha I had to read that a
 couple times. Ive been out of
 the game a long time so Ireally
 only know how to make jokes
 instead of being awkward haha
 so, more the better
 & no judgment on the cargo
 pants. The only thing that isn't
 acceptable is sweats haha in
 public anyways
 Oh of course, sweats in
 public is ethically and morally
 And good to know, I'll try to
 keop the jokes rolling and try to
 about how tinder is supposed to
 work to a minimum
 Today S10O PM
 Haha well at least we're in the
 same boat. Life's too short to
 be serious all the time! I mean
 when needed of course
 How has your day been?
 Pretty good! Had a silly
 conversation with a cute girl
 about sweatpants. She seems
 pretty chill, probably try to grab
 her number in a bit. I'll keep you
 posted on that. You?
 Haha talked about cargo
 pants with this cutie, whichI
 hadn't heard the word cargo
 in a while... & I gave him my
 number cause he seems like a
 pretty sweet dudebromanguy
Sweatpants and cargo shorts
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Yoga Pants: RI
 .d 66% . 9:36 PM
 Haley
 The last line in your profile very
 much suggests you have met
 up with someone from Tinder
 appropriate date attire
 You would be correct in making
 such an assumption. Sweat suit
 to be more accurate lol
 Today 12:58 AM
 Gonna need to hear this story
 Short of first date at the gym
 I'm not seeing anyway that
 could even possibly be seen as
 Right? Let's just say we didn't
 even hang out for an hour haha
 great on paper, not so much in
 real life
 We went to
 left 45 mins later. He actually
 ended up being quite the
 asshole too.
 Todey 11:37 AM
 I just don't understand how
 are the way to go when meeting
 trying to get in bed with, or at
 least not entirely disgust. I mean,
 the year 2017, very clearly
 yoga pants are the first date
 Today 12:47 PM
 I mean I don't expect a suit
 & tie but.... Come on haha.
 Needless to say we didn't talk
 after that lol. Yet again another
 tinder nightmare
 Another? Any other good
 stories? ShouldI get popcorn?
 Today 2:00 PM
 Nah nothing that exciting.
 have yet to meet someone
 that's worth continuing talking
 to though. Had a guy ask
 me to drop him off at home
 afterwards & as I drove away
 another girl got out of another
 car no hope in men out
 there these days lol
 Whoa now, some of my best
 Well that's nice of you to
 say hahe I heve yet to meet
 someone that excites me
 Oh? What would excite you? I'mm
 guessing a guy in a nice pair of
 Come onnnn. Is that your fav
 Not necessarily physically
 excite me, but intellectually
 this app is alot based on looks
 so whoever you match has to
 physically excite you at least a
 little bit
 Hm, so if I give a deep, philo-
 sophical defense of the ever
 humble cargo pants as a utilit-
 arlan rebellion by the proletariat
 against modern consumerism,
 and as a statement of individual
 ity in the fece of mass media de-
 s of normality, how rapidly
 are we moving towards or away
 y is on away at
 speeds for the record
 It dewns on me after typing
 that out my flirting techiques
 probably need some work
 Hahaha I had to read that a
 couple times. Ive been out of
 the game a long time so Ireally
 only know how to make jokes
 instead of being awkward haha
 so, more the better
 & no judgment on the cargo
 pants. The only thing that isn't
 acceptable is sweats haha in
 public anyways
 Oh of course, sweats in
 public is ethically and morally
 And good to know, I'll try to
 keop the jokes rolling and try to
 about how tinder is supposed to
 work to a minimum
 Today S10O PM
 Haha well at least we're in the
 same boat. Life's too short to
 be serious all the time! I mean
 when needed of course
 How has your day been?
 Pretty good! Had a silly
 conversation with a cute girl
 about sweatpants. She seems
 pretty chill, probably try to grab
 her number in a bit. I'll keep you
 posted on that. You?
 Haha talked about cargo
 pants with this cutie, whichI
 hadn't heard the word cargo
 in a while... & I gave him my
 number cause he seems like a
 pretty sweet dudebromanguy
Sweatpants and cargo shorts
                
            

            
            
Sweatpants and cargo shorts