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Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It. 6 hrs e Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read) GENESIS God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun Adam & Eve: Okay Satan: You should do the thing Adam & Eve: Okay God: What happened!? Adam & Eve: We did the thing God: Guys THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT God: You are my people, and you should not do the things People: We wont do the things God: Good People: We did the things. God: Guys THE GOSPELS JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore Healed people: Okay! Thank you! Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking Jesus: I have never done the things Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things Pilate: Did you do the things? Jesus: No. Pilate: He didn't do the things. Other people: Kill him anyway Pilate: Okay Jesus: Guys.... PAUL'S LETTERS People: We did the things. Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things People: Okay PAUL'S LETTERS PART II People: We did the things again Paul: Guys REVELATION John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things. THE END Unlike Comment Share and 7 others like this. That still was dr, dude 6 hrs Like 1 5 mins Like Write a comment. epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible
Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One
 Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It.
 6 hrs e
 Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read)
 GENESIS
 God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 Satan: You should do the thing
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 God: What happened!?
 Adam & Eve: We did the thing
 God: Guys
 THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
 God: You are my people, and you should not do the things
 People: We wont do the things
 God: Good
 People: We did the things.
 God: Guys
 THE GOSPELS
 JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the
 Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore
 Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
 Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does
 the things when no one is looking
 Jesus: I have never done the things
 Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things
 Pilate: Did you do the things?
 Jesus: No.
 Pilate: He didn't do the things.
 Other people: Kill him anyway
 Pilate: Okay
 Jesus: Guys....
 PAUL'S LETTERS
 People: We did the things.
 Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop
 doing the things
 People: Okay
 PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
 People: We did the things again
 Paul: Guys
 REVELATION
 John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the
 things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.
 THE END
 Unlike Comment Share
 and 7 others like this.
 That still was
 dr, dude
 6 hrs Like 1
 5 mins Like
 Write a comment.
epicjohndoe:

TL;DR Version Of The Bible

epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible

Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | Δ°lke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes

 HOW TO TREAT A
 TONGUE STUCK
 TO A POLE
 lWarm the pole with your hands.
 Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is
 very
 when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding.
 Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole
 closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several
 minutes
 cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze
 1 Do not panic.
 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole
 3 Move closer to the pole.
 Pulling sharply will be very painful.
 As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue
 should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away
 from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on
 the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will
 quickly heal.
 | Δ°lke z test pull.
 Get as close as possible without letting more of the
 tongue's surface area touch the pole.
 Alternative Method
 0
 se warm water
 Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and
 the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may
 freeze and exacerbate the problem.
 Be Aware
 Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own
 saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the
 small amount you will be able to generate is
 likely to freeze on your tongue..
 If another person is present, have him or her
 pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This
 may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is
 stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over
 your tongue should do the trick
 Warm the pole wih yr ui wti
 your ton

 How To THWART AN
 AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT
 er
 all
 ood/
 medi
 1S
 tial
 restau
 tuate
 fave
 hark
 an-
 e
 to
 nc-
 to

 How rO ESCAPE
 FROM A GIANT
 OCTOPUS
 1 Pull away quickly
 In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of
 small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming
 away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres-
 sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or
 if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the
 next step.
 2 Do not go limp.
 Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough,
 will check to see if you are a food item before letting
 you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or
 quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible
 sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a
 "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult.
 However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres-
 sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The
 octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring
 ou in for a closer look.
 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around
 your arms.

 The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes
 Searchable CD
 With All
 11 Handbooks
 plus wallpapers,
 and more
 By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht
novelty-gift-ideas:

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook